I don’t know about all of you, but it seems to me that things in life happen in big waves.
In my mid-twenties, my friends and I all started pairing off into more stable relationships… moving in together, joint checking accounts, co-pet-parenting, and all that jazz.
That was followed shortly thereafter with engagements.
Then bridal shower after bridal shower after bachelorette party. Dress shopping, wedding planning, alterations, rehearsal dinners…
Weddings. Upon WEDDINGS. UPON WEDDINGS, OMG. (Seriously, the year I got married, I was in three other weddings, attended five others, threw four bridal showers, two bachelorette parties, and that doesn’t even include the four bridal showers and bachelorette party of my OWN I attended. GAH.)
I was on track with the curve of adulthood back then. Everything in life was coming together, and my friends and close-in-age family members and I were all set to start moving onto the next step…
Babies.
Of course, you’re here, reading this blog, so you know that this particular step is where the husband and I got a little hung up.
…And five years later, we still are.
So our friends and family members went on to start having their first babies. That was the Great Baby Influx of 2009-2010. It was a time whose insanity could only be rivaled by the Matrimonial Stampede of 2008. It was a time of chaos and joy for all.
Well, most everyone. We were of course very happy, but a little… put out, I suppose you could say, that our own baby influx was taking some time to ramp up. Somehow though, as does life, the madness waned, and we were no longer drowning in newborn baby high tide. We breathed a little easier, and got to work.
We survived those next three years by aggressively pursuing treatments, in a desperate attempt to catch up to those who had left us behind on the parenthood track. You know the story… We tried, had a small success, but ultimately failed.
That brings us to now.
I have been feeling for some time that the tide is rising again… I think the time of the second (and in some cases, third or fourth) babies is upon us. All beware the approach of the Fertile Vortex: Part Deux! (starring Jake Gyllenhaal!)
Dun dun DUNNNN.
No, seriously. People in my life are having second and third babies all over the place right now. Even some of my fellow Infertiles are fighting their way out of secondary infertility and giving their first miracles a sibling or two!
Don’t get me wrong, babies are a blessing (and no offense, but the babes of Infertiles are an even slightly bigger blessing!), and good news is GREAT.
There are some of us, however, that can’t physically take good news without a healthy portion of sadness, though…
I wish I weren’t one of those people, but alas, this is the life I’ve been dealt.
As if you hadn’t had enough of my vague metaphors, I feel just like I’m afloat at sea with no view of the shore. Every baby announcement that comes my way pokes a tiny hole in my boat, and I’m staring to lose hope that I’ll ever make it to dry land. I fear some days that I may drown in good news.
I will end this morose entry just by saying this: You guys, this blog, this blessed outlet… you all are my salvation in a rough and unforgiving sea. Hope may not be visible some days, but because of you, I don’t feel so alone in my struggle for survival.
I’ll make it. We all will.
Just Stop Trying and It Will Happen... 