Tag: ttc after miscarriage
Status

You Suck.

Thursday, December 13th, 2012.  CD17, 5DPO.

I’m already losing faith in this cycle.

Testing out the trigger?

No.  Took the month off from that at the suggestion of my TTCBFF.  I miss it, and not feeling like I have control SUCKS.

My temps?

Low.  Like pre-ovulation-low.  Suck.

My symptoms?

Nonexistent, and therefore, suck.

SUCK SUCK SUCK!

So anyway, now that that’s out of the way…

How about some updates?

I don’t have much.  Like previously stated, this Two Week Wait has been pretty uneventful thus far.

My temps have been wonky and low, my boobs don’t hurt, and I don’t feel twingy like I did during my pregnancy/miscarriage cycle’s TWW.

The only thing that seems promising is that I’m freaking exhausted and I’m an eating machine.  I realize both of those are probably entirely due to the increase in progesterone I likely have due to ovulating two mature eggies this cycle, but still… that’s all I have to hold onto.

I’m hoping that this weekend will bring some higher temps and giant, painful chesticles to renew my hope, but we shall see.

For now though, I’m just trying to enjoy this bustling, chilly time of year.  The house is getting somewhere near order, I have Christmas shopping to finish this weekend, and my family is coming to Ohio to visit next weekend.

I’m thankful for our many blessings, and the blessed distractions that will (hopefully) keep me from obsessing about my every twinge and temp drop.

Happy holidays, everyone!  🙂

 

Status

Uncoordinated

Sunday, December 9th, 2012.  CD13, 1DPO…?

This cycle feels like it’s been a little bit of a fiasco already.  I mean, don’t get me wrong, I was thrilled to get the exciting news of the TWO great-looking follies on Friday!

It just seems like my head hasn’t really been in the game…

Maybe I’m just experiencing what others call “relaxation”…?

HAHAHAHA.

No, seriously.  That’s not it… like, at ALL.

I’ve just been busy.  And preoccupied.  And wrapped up in so many other things.

Part of me wonders if I might be trying to protect myself from getting too attached to this cycle, especially as it’s our first official cycle of really trying, with meds and everything, after our miscarriage in September.

I just hope that whatever is going on with me isn’t some kind of self-sabotage.

Honestly, I’m scared.

I’m scared to death that this cycle is going well.

I’m terrified that it could work.

I’m horrified that I could possibly end up pregnant.

And it’s that point where the nightmare version of the story takes over… As if it wasn’t frightening enough possibly getting pregnant, the thought of possibly losing another baby is the worst thing imaginable.

I’m so used to hearing “No”, seeing “negative”, and getting “I’m sorry…” that I really don’t know what to do when things go well.

I want to be happy, celebrate, but I can never shake that feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop.

So far, it always has dropped.

I guess I just need to pray for flying shoes…

Anyway, I triggered yesterday morning and the husband and I had all of Friday night and Saturday together.  Technically, we should errrm… spend some time together today as well, but he is resting up for work, and I am heading out shortly to our nephews’ co-birthday party.  By the time I get home, he will be walking out the door, so I’m not sure if it’s going to happen or not.

In my theme of continuing the uncoordinated-ness of this cycle, I’ve sucked at temping.  I’ve been sleeping crazy hours and waking up at odd times.  It’s taking me some time to get used to being in the new house, and none of our things are placed exactly where they need to be yet.

I don’t have a nightstand.  My thermometer is always floating around the room somewhere (and yes, I even stuck it under the mattress a few nights).  I haven’t been the world’s best basal body temp-er, which is another reason why I feel so blah about this cycle.

Last cycle, the one where I got that spectacular BFP, I temped like it was my JOB.

I got that beautiful triphasic chart, and I was all over the FertilityFriend message boards analyzing every single thing.  Got a BFP.  Perfect.

Then we miscarried, and now I’m having trouble getting back into the swing of things.  I suck at temping.  I’ve stayed away from the message boards altogether, I’ve been slacking on my prenatal vitamins… I don’t even know if I’m going to test out the trigger.

Ugh.

Get it together, woman!

I’m trying.

I’m trying.

I’ll get there…

Maybe the off cycle is the one that sticks… who knows?

Either way, I feel like this Christmas is going to be a memorable one, as my test date is just a couple days beforehand.

I really don’t want to close out the year the same way as 2011.  And 2010.  And 2009…

Oh lord.

I just realized something great…

My test date is the Mayan Apocalypse.

 

HAHAHAHA… That’s just perfect.

Uncoordinated though it may be, I do love this quirky little life.  😉

Status

Double Trouble!

Friday, December 7th, 2012.  CD11.

I just got back from my first – and only! – monitoring appointment for this cycle.

Apparently double the Femara plus a few days of Menopur was just the trick!

I have a follicle measuring 17 on the left, and a 17.5 on the right (that NEVER happens!!), so just one more Menopur injection tonight, trigger tomorrow morning, and then scrambling the eggs all weekend.  😉

I’m starting to think maybe that astrologer was onto something…

Oh God… I hope he was.

XOXO, friends!

Status

New Protocol Update

Wednesday, November 28th, 2012.  CD2.

I spoke with the nurse at Dr. K’s office this morning, and the new protocol has been decided.  I will just double my dosage of Femara, taken CD3 – CD7, and then continue the same dosage of Menopur CD7 – CD11.  I will have a monitoring ultrasound on CD11 and then see where that takes us…

The hope is that the tweaked protocol this month will yield a BFP like the last cycle, but with follicles that mature more quickly than last time.  The doc said that the only thing he didn’t like about my BFP cycle was the fact that it took so long for my follicles to ripen.  I didn’t trigger until CD17, and I didn’t ovulate until CD18, which was three to four days longer than Dr. K would have liked, considering the medications I was on.

I also asked about CD3 blood work monitoring, and should be getting a call back later today about it.

Let’s hope this month, and this tiny tweak, is just what my body needs to get going on a successful, healthy pregnancy that gives me that Take Home Baby I so desperately want…

 

Status

She’s Baaaa-aaaack… And Early!

Tuesday, November 27th, 2012.  CD1.

Guess who just stopped by our new house?

…That aunt we all love to hate.

Yes, her.

She’s here.  EARLY.

Very early, actually!  Until she showed this afternoon, today was CD28… Which means I ovulated on CD15 (probably) and had an almost completely average-length cycle for a normal human!  And without medication, too!

Uhh… WHAT?!

That NEVER happens!!

But okay, I’ll just go with it.

I feel like death, but the husband is out getting me a pizza and we are almost completely moved into our new house.  Things are coming together nicely, if slowly, and it’s feeling more and more like home every day.

Having the pets here and our belongings properly covered with animal hair helps on that front.  Heh.

So, with the arrival of Aunt Flo, I called Dr. K’s office and left them a message letting them know that I was ready to get this cycle started, and that they could call me to discuss this month’s medication protocol as soon as they could.

This is what I figure will happen:

  • Femara.  Again.  Probably double the dosage.
  • Menopur.  Again.  Possibly a tweaked or slightly increased dosage.
  • Ovidrel trigger.  Again.  I assume this will be the same as always.

I know Dr. K expressed some concern about increasing the injectables too much in the past, saying something like “That’s how you end up with triplets!”… Gah!

I trust his judgment, however, and will go with whatever he suggests.  I may request more blood work than in the last cycle, though… I had no baseline blood work last cycle, and no mid-cycle blood work, and no progesterone check, which is a kind of blind faith in the human body to which I’m not accustomed.

I know I said it before and wimped out, but I may ask for a little extra monitoring this go-’round.  We shall see.

I hope you are all doing well out there, and that the impending Full Moon is treating you better than it’s treating me! Perhaps my cycle starting on the Full Moon will bring some lunar fertility this way… Let’s hope, right?

Thanks, as always, for visiting!

 

Beauty Clean and Simple

Searching for simple beauty with Natalie Schultz

Madison Shelby

Figuring out life, one glass of rosé at a time.

Enchanted Crystal Moon

Magical Happenings

Destiny Tuning Secret

Manifestation Miracles Today

Curly Hair Gurl With A Blog

Ohhh,gurl,she Blogs

Alexandria Sure

Coffee. Cocktails. Complex Characters.

Late Bloomer Press

Growing out of that awkward stage is highly overrated.

Nuala Reilly: A Writer's Journey

I'm just a girl, standing in front of chocolate, asking it to love her.

Whole Milk and Half-Crazy

Excerpts from an exceptional(ly ridiculous) life.

Motherhood & Everything Else

pregnancy, motherhood, marriage, and life after miscarriage

adultyish

hello, please advise

Summertime Sadness

A safe space where I discuss the racing thoughts in my head, personal struggles, and day-to-day activities while struggling with mental health and mood disorder issues. My personal goal is to reduce the stigma that comes with mental health and mood disorders, by talking more about it.