Tag: pcos


Tuesday, May 14th, 2013.  CD3.

Two things happened in the past 24 hours to make me think about my apathy toward this cycle.

One, was reading my horoscope late in the day yesterday, after I had already written the post stating how I just don’t know what I feel toward TTC these days.

You may feel like you are stuck in neutral with an important goal.  You put a lot of effort into it in the beginning, and you believed and worked hard and you had great enthusiasm.  But when your goal didn’t gain momentum as you hoped it would, you began to feel stuck.  And after you felt stuck for a while, you started to lose that enthusiasm, and it was harder to keep going.  But you have the power to get back in the groove.  If you still want what you wanted as much as you did at the beginning, use this auspicious time to start moving forward again.  Find a way to inspire yourself.

As you may know, I am quite interested in astrology; that being said, I typically don’t put a lot of stock in horoscopes, especially those that come from a free app on my phone.

This may not be a sign from the stars, but it was certainly something that made me think, so in that aspect, this horoscope was successful.  I realize that yes, I do still want a child, and yes, I am still willing to do whatever it takes to get there.  I just need to suck it up and deal with the peaks and valleys of this trip.

The other thing that happened was at my dildo-cam appointment this morning.

My cyst has retreated, and the doc cleared me to move forward with my regularly scheduled hybrid Femara/Gonal F cycle!

I was almost expecting to be disappointed, and maybe a little bit of me was even hoping that I would be put back on the bench to sulk.  Though, when she told me that everything looked good to start the meds, I found that I was pleasantly surprised.

I am now even looking forward to getting back in the saddle!

I started thinking while putting my pants back on in the ultrasound room that it’s been since my December/January cycle since I’ve really been on the baby-making train.  Wow… that’s a heck of a break for someone who wants a child so badly.

I’m ready.  It’s time.

All aboard the Hormone Express.  😉


Mother’s Day Hangover and Other Things That Suck…

Monday, May 13th, 2013.  CD2.

Howdy folks.

I wish I had felt well enough to put fingers to keyboard yesterday, but alas, I did not.  There were so many lovely Mother’s Day posts floating around our little corner of the interwebs yesterday though, I doubt you really needed my two cents.

Though, of course, I will give it…

No situation quite outlines the suckiness of infertility quite like starting one’s period on Mother’s Day.


At any rate, I survived, if barely.  The husband and I went to lunch with his grandmother, who is a tiny firecracker of a woman, and I ate more salmon than any one person probably should.  We drove out to see his sister and her kiddos for a bit, too, and dropped off some flowers and a card.  She was so sweet and sent me home with a cute little potted flower and a package of mini-muffins, which I suppose should have lasted me at least until today, but cramps and an appetite for carbs and sugar destroyed that cute little notion.  I don’t think those bad boys lasted more than an hour after we left her house.

After the morning/early afternoon activity, the husband took me home and left me to my own devices, which included wrapping up in a giant blanket with my heating pad, Kindle, tv remote, and roughly six pots of tea.

I hope your Mother’s Day was as relaxing, if less crampy and bleedy.  🙂

On another note, the arrival of dear old Aunt Flo means that tomorrow is my appointment with Dr. F to see if my cyst has made a graceful exit, and whether or not I can proceed with a Femara/Gonal F cycle this month.

I sure hope that’s the case…

Oh, and an update on the Metformin Situation – all is well!  Even yesterday, with my reproductive system throwing my digestive system for a nauseating loop, I had no complaints from the Met.  I’m still only taking 1000mg of the original formula Met with dinner, but I’m feeling brave enough to increase that this week.  I think I’ll start taking 500mg with lunch, and another 1000mg with dinner as usual.

It’s unbelievable to me (and my doctor) that the extended release formula made me so sick when it’s usually the easier to tolerate option, and that the original formula that’s suppose to be complete havoc on the digestion is the one that’s working for me… What can I say, though?  I never do things the easy way.

In vitamin/supplement news, I started taking a high-dose B-12 supplement (even though tests showed that my level is normal), because Met is supposed to suck the B-12 right out of your body.  I also started the husband and myself on a good quality fish oil supplement every day.  He was skeptical, but so far he’s complying.

As for this cycle, I’m feeling a little… apathetic.

I know I should be all bright and sunshiney and full of hope and rainbows and glitter and unicorn poop, but I just don’t.

You know that feeling when you first ride a rollercoaster?  It’s exciting and you don’t know what’s coming next, and when the ride ends, you’re disappointed, but you can’t wait to try again.

Now imagine that you’ve been on that same ride, over and over again with scarcely a break, for over four years.

Boring, right?  The rises, falls, loops and drops – Hell, even the disappointment at the end becomes expected…

I just want off sometimes.

Maybe my attitude will improve once I talk to the doc tomorrow, or maybe I’ll make some crazy choice to just stop trying for a while.  Right now though, I can’t tell you what I really want.

I know that I want a baby.  I know that I want to do whatever I can to get there.  What I don’t know is whether I’m ready to get back on that ride again just yet… Only time will tell.

I’ll be sure to update tomorrow after my appointment, but for now, everyone have a Happy Monday!  🙂



Spring Has Sprung and Other Updates

Tuesday, April 30th, 2013.  CD18.

Howdy, folks.

I’m so sorry I’ve been slacking lately.  I expected to finish out NIAW with this grand Q & A post in vlog form, and then this lovely sinus infection/mucus overload/dry cough/croaky voice thing happened, and I both look and sound terrible.

Ain’t nobody wanna see that.

So that will have to be put off for another day when I can talk without sounding like Urkel.

Errmmm… what else?

Oh yes.  The weather here in Northwest Ohio has turned.


It’s freaking gorgeous outside today, and I’m already dreaming of bonfires and barbecues and capri pants.  I suppose it’s about time we were exposed to some nice weather anyway, right?



So besides this ultra-sexy, mucusy sinus thing I have going on, the rest of my body seems to be confused as well.

Like this morning for example… I brushed my teeth, took my vitamin, grabbed my purse and started to walk out the door.

And then out the blue my stomach’s all like, “Hey gurl heeeeeey!  You know that vitamin you’ve been taking every day for the past 4.5 years?  Well eff that, because today we don’t want it anymore!”

*commence puking*

And then I was fine.  Drove to work.  Drank a smoothie.  On with the day.

The Metformin is slowly trying to kill me.  I’ve lost weight like whoa, and have had to cut my dosage back quite a bit to cope.  I feel like maybe I just need to give it more time and figure out what I can eat on the lowest dosage first, before attempting to move onto a higher dose at all.

I also really enjoy not feeling like absolute dog poo.

Another thing I’ve been reading (read: Googling) is that many people/doctors are saying that thin women with PCOS tend to respond better to the traditional Metformin, as opposed to the Metformin Extended Release.  I checked my prescription, and sure enough, I am taking the XR.  I have a note in to the doctor to ask about switching to the traditional dosage, although I know that may also do a number on my digestive system.

How much worse can it get, right?

Oh, and then this happened:  For a week straight, I was getting almost positive ovulation tests… I’m using the Wondfos, in case you were wondering.  Finally, yesterday morning’s result was the first obvious positive I’ve seen in a couple of months.

I tested again in the evening to be sure, and that test also showed a nice, dark test line, darker than the control line.  Textbook perfect, exactly what one would want to see.  I’ve had some fertile CM as well, and took advantage of the weekend at home with the husband to make good use of it.

I’m really happy that I seem to be ovulating this month, and assume that I’m ovulating on the right, as my CD3 scan showed a cyst on the left, which I also assume came from ovulating on the left last month.

My question then, is this…

I ovulated on the left last cycle, presumably – ovulation sucked/didn’t occur at all, I grew a cyst.

I now assume that I’m ovulating on the right this cycle, which is going well.

Should I expect to ovulate on the left again next cycle…?

And if so, does that mean that my left ovary may be compromised because of the cyst?

AND, should I then bother using expensive meds next month and risk wasting a cycle on what may be a bum ovary, or should I perhaps wait one more month before jumping in with both feet and a good ovary?


Obviously I’m overthinking this, and no decision will be able to be made until I’m in the stirrups on my date with Dr. Dildocam on my next CD3, but of course I tend to speculate.  About everything.

…Ever notice that speculate and speculum come from the same root word?  Hmm…

Latin speculatus, past participle of speculari to spy out, examine, from specula lookout post, from specere to look, look at

…Errm.  Sorry.  I digress.

So anyway, that’s what’s up with me.

I’m sick, enjoying the weather despite the sickness, seem to be ovulating again, speculating about said ovulation and ovulations to come, and acting as an armchair etymologist in my copious free time.

Yeah.  Good times.  🙂



Abnormally Normal

Friday, March 22nd, 2013.  CD10.


So I got my labs back from Tuesday’s excursion to Dr. F’s office…

My hysteroscopy looked great.  I have a perfect uterus and beautifully open tubes.

My thyroid panel looked great.  I have completely normal levels in all areas, including thyroid antibodies.

My B-12 level looked great.  I have a level that’s in the upper ranges of normal and needs no further supplementation.



So… I’m great then?


Then why won’t my great hormones and great reproductive organs produce a great baby?



I might buy this, you know, for doctor’s appointments.


Anyway, so that happened.


I just love having all of these normal labs and still having some major malfunction in the junk region.

Heh.  That kind of rhymed.

Okay, back on track….

To sum up (because obviously there is no time to e’splain…):

My labs are normal, as usual.

My girl parts are still jacked up somewhere, as usual.

I shall continue with my vitamins and supplements, as usual.

I shall begin taking Metformin, possibly this weekend.

Because Met can cause B-12 deficiency or absorption issues, I shall take an extra B-12 supplement along with my prenatal, D3, and Pregnitude, despite the doctor’s insistence that it’s not necessary.

I shall continue this cycle with TCM, but discontinue the herbs next cycle…

When Aunt Flo shows her ugly face next time around, I will move forward with another medicated cycle, with IUI and acupuncture.


So there you have it.  Decisions made.


Suck on THAT.

Life’s too short to hem and haw…

I’ve got better things to do than vacillate for months at a time, and my eggs aren’t getting any younger!


This blog post brought to you by the wordsmith, Tina Fey.


Whatever. I’m Getting Cheese Fries.

April 21st, 2011.  CD26.

Well, my temp did rise this morning, but not by an impressive amount.  I guess my Ob-Gyn was right–I do have a weak natural ovulation.

I’ve been wondering why that is a lot lately.  I think that’s why I started reading about PCOS.  Now, I know I’ve said in the past that self-diagnosing is not the way to handle things, but it’s tough to sit patiently and wait for my appointment with the fertility clinic in June.  Maybe if we don’t call it “Google Diagnosis” and refer to it as something like “educating myself on the possibilities”, it will all sound less crazy.

Who’s in favor of less crazy?

Oooh, ooh–ME!

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Summertime Sadness

A safe space where I discuss the racing thoughts in my head, personal struggles, and day-to-day activities while struggling with mental health and mood disorder issues. My personal goal is to reduce the stigma that comes with mental health and mood disorders, by talking more about it.