Tag: negative beta
Status

Moving On

Friday, July 15th, 2012.  CD26, Who-gives-a-crap-how-many-DPO-at-this-point.

Well, today was beta day.

As I have come to suspect, thanks to some lovely cramps and chocolate cravings, I am not pregnant.

Again.

Even though I had a feeling what the results would be today, I am still a little in shock over the fact that I’ve done THIS MANY medicated and IUI cycles with NO real progress.

*le sigh*

But, the only thing that’s sure about life is that it goes on.  It might not be fair, but thankfully–mercifully, it moves forward.

And so shall I.

As much as I have loved working with the ladies in the AMIGOS research study, I have an appointment with a new RE here in Toledo in a month, and I am optimistic about getting a different opinion.

I know there are still lots of different avenues to try, and there is still hope for me.

In the meantime, I have a lot of work to concentrate on, as well as a myriad other things to occupy my time and interest this summer:  house-hunting, good books, WINE, vacation with the husband, visiting friends, new nephews…

Oh, and I can now make the appointment for my NEW TATTOO!!  🙂

Speaking of which, I better get on the phone and do that.  No time like the present!

Have a fabulous weekend, all!

 

Status

Door Number Four

Monday, May 21st, 2012.  CD1.

Well, it’s been a whirlwind twenty-four hours.

This time yesterday I was staring at a home pregnancy test with a very visible second line.

Oh, and freaking out.  I freaked out.  More than a little.

Fast forward a few hours and a few more pregnancy tests (all of which were negative), and the telltale spotting began.

By this morning, I was fully aware (read: no longer in denial and losing a great deal of blood) that my third IUI cycle was done.

I called the doc on the way to my beta this morning to let them know I’d be needing my Cycle Day 1 blood work and ultrasound.

I decided to be gentle with myself for a change, and stayed home from work today.  Right now, I’m in bed and catching up on some DVRed programming I’ve been too busy to watch.

(Off topic:  Does every show on TV right now have an infertility/miscarriage/adoption story line going on?  Oy!  First Grey’s Anatomy, then Private Practice, and now Sister Wives?  I may not have chosen the best shows to watch for this particular day in my life.  Ugh.  Rant over.)

And so, with that unceremonious end and a negative beta, we trudge on to IUI cycle four.  This will be the last cycle in the AMIGOS unexplained infertility study, which also means that it’s my last fully-funded IUI cycle.

In an effort to make this one count, the docs agreed to increase my meds.  They are hoping that increasing the follicular count will help me have better odds of fertilization and implantation.

Very science-y, docs.

I don’t care what we have to do…  Just gimme mah baby.

Now you go get to work on that.  I’m gonna lay here and try not to die.

This makes me extra-proud of the bits of Danish blood I have in me. The pastries don’t hurt either.

Status

Don’t Ignore… Support.

April 24th, 2012.  CD1.

I wasn’t planning to write this.  At least not until I returned from my trip…

I’ve come to really rely on the support of others throughout this journey, and I really needed the catharsis of blogging more than usual this month.

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week, and this year’s theme is “Don’t Ignore Infertility“.

Not that I’ve had the opportunity to ignore infertility this week… Nothing like a negative blood pregnancy test to make you painfully aware of your infertility.

Our beta was negative.

Or, more accurately, it was technically negative.

Let me ‘splain.

Although I hadn’t mentioned it here, I’ve seen a couple of faint second lines on some early home pregnancy tests in the past couple of days.  I am usually very cautious about believing them, but I was overly-cautiously optimistic this time.

I started spotting on Saturday morning.  Just for a half hour or so.  Then nothing… Until Sunday afternoon.  More spotting.  Nothing on Monday, and a negative HPT this morning…

I started to bleed this morning while getting ready to head to the clinic for the beta.

By the time I arrived, I was in full flow.  The doctor took my blood for the pregnancy test, and then sent me back for a Cycle Day 1 ultrasound.  The nurses who performed the ultrasound were concerned that I might actually be pregnant…

When the doctor called me later to confirm the results of the blood test, she said that they had all come to the agreement that this must have been a chemical pregnancy.  My HCG levels were low, and technically negative, but everything else pointed to pregnancy.

A chemical pregnancy is a fertilized egg that fails to implant.  Technically not a miscarriage, but close enough.

The good news is that the eggs and sperm appear to be getting along, they just didn’t move in together at the right time.  Perhaps next month they’ll get it right.

I’ll start back up on the same protocol on Thursday, and expect another IUI in early May.

This is where the whole “Don’t Ignore… Support.” thing comes in.

I need you.  My friends, my family, complete caring strangers who take the time to come here and read about our many struggles and few triumphs.  People who send up prayers and offer words of encouragement.  Fellow humans who take time out of their busy days to think about little ol’ me and my busted uterus.

I’m not the only one who needs you, however.  One in eight people in the US are currently going through what I’m going through – or worse.  Which one of your coworkers is it?  How many of your 300 Facebook friends are suffering in silence?  Who in your family is quietly struggling this personal battle?

Thank you all for not ignoring infertility.  Thank you for not overlooking or avoiding what is an invisible, but heartbreaking illness.  Thank you all for understanding that it hurts in so many ways.  Thank you all for your support, love, and hope.

Just… Thank you.

 

Infertility is a heart-wrenching, faith-questioning, relationship-testing, life-altering experience.  One in eight people in this country is currently walking through hell and back to become a parent.  Whether it’s a friend, a family member, a colleague or yourself, millions are fighting through this difficult fate day in and day out.

Please don’t ignore infertility. 

Please support the one in eight.

 

 

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