Tag: fertility
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Secrets

Hiya folks.

My apologies as I completely bypass the fact that I haven’t written a darn word here since before I turned 31.  Yikes.  Call it what you will, but things have been crazy.

How’sabout a quick recap?

No?

Too effing bad.  It’s my blog.

Firstly, my birthday was December 2nd.  So was Britney Spears’.  I hope you sent her a card.  My office also had their holiday party that day, so I drank my face off that night, was forced to do the Electric Slide in front of all of my coworkers, and learned that I am amazingly good at shuffleboard (the table version, not the retirement community version).

All in all, good times.  Went to bed a little tipsy with a tiny case of the sniffles.

The next day, I woke up without a voice due to laryngitis and a nasty sinus infection.  Like, none at all.  Not a squeak or a crack, just a teensy little bit of a whisper.  Therefore, I attended our annual FriendsGiving party with a notepad and the husband acting as my translator.

I later learned that I infected approximately seven other people with my illness that night.  I was concerned for a few days that the Zombie Apocalypse would begin in Toledo, Ohio, but thankfully some strong antibiotics and lots of tea and rest killed the infection.

I missed two days of work, and that was tough.  I also didn’t speak for days on end, and that was even worse.  I love to talk.  I love to hear the sound of my own voice.  I even love to read my written (typed) words in my own voice.  Oddly enough, my inner monologue is British.  And male.

…That might explain a few things, but I digress.

Oh right, this was supposed to be a QUICK recap… got it.

So anyway, lots of busy workdays, fun parties with friends and families, and I’m finally feeling better now that the antibiotic has cleared the plague out of my system.

There was a full moon last week, and I feel like I might have ovulated then.  I hope that’s good luck.

I also drank some magical pink champagne given to me by three fertile friends, while wearing my mystical fertility bracelets and earrings, so hopefully that helps too.  I’ve been doing really well at not paying such close attention to my cycle.  I can’t just give it up cold turkey,  but I’m doing better.

No OPK’s this cycle – That’s step in the right direction, wouldn’t you say?

Oh, and then I spotted for four days this week.  With no real explanation as to why… I wish  I knew, but I’m really trying not to obsess.

To take my mind off of things, I joined an online Secret Santa exchange through Reddit.  If you’ve never tried their gift exchanges (they do lots of them every year), you should give it a shot.  I got the gift from my Secret Santa today, and it was so amazingly heartwarming, I want to share it with you all.

This is the write-up I did after receiving my gift:

Hi folks. My name is Tracy, and I’m fairly convinced that my SS and I are living mirror image lives. We have an unholy number of things in common…

We have the SAME NAME. How can that be?? We also have something else unfortunate in common in that we are both living with fertility impairments.

Perhaps that’s not so strange considering that one in eight couples in the US are currently dealing with infertility, but the fact that my SS’s fertility challenges came to light mere days before she and I were matched is so eerily amazing, that I cannot help but believe it was meant to be. To call it a coincidence would cheapen the amazement we both seem to have felt in being matched.

My amazing, thoughtful, and compassionate Secret Santa, also named Tracy, sent me a Victoria’s Secret gift card (Secret #1)… because, as she said, who doesn’t want to feel pretty? 🙂 (For the record, trying unsuccessfully to have a baby for three straight years can really take a lot of the “pretty” out of things, if ya know what I mean, so this is PERFECT!)

She also sent me a copy of the book “The Secret” (Secret #2), in the hopes that some of the philosophies therein will help me find the right mental and spiritual place in my life, thereby allowing conception to come more easily. (I’ve been lacking a spiritual direction in my life lately as well, and this may be just the kick in the pants my soul needs. Perfect again!)

The best part of the gift, by far, was the thoughtful and heartfelt letter Tracy wrote to me. She shared her recent secret with me (Secret #3), and gave me some advice both on alternative testing I should pursue to ensure that I am attempting all avenues to conception, as well as some advice on my attitude towards my fertility that I really needed to hear. (SS, you aren’t the only one who’s said it… but maybe hearing it from a stranger really made it hit home for me. Thank you, truly.)

The best gift I will receive this holiday season is the gift of a new outlook, and I have my Secret Santa to thank for that.

Tracy, I hope you are reading this, and I hope you know how special you are to me. I will be praying for you to find a way to your dream, whatever it may be.

Happy Holidays, Redditors. May the new year bring you closer to your dreams!

Oh, and then after I finished reading the super-sweet letter from my Secret Santa, this was my face:

I really am kind of speechless after this whole experience.  I feel badly for complaining that the person I was matched with was nothing like me (I mean, he doesn’t even like bacon!  What?!), but now I hope the gift I came up with for him makes him even a fraction as happy as this gift made me.

It was from a complete stranger, who I have more in common with than some of my closest friends… And it made a huge difference in how I see my outlook on my fertility.

(See that?  My fertility!  Not my INfertility… I’m not even waiting till New Years to put this resolution into effect!)

Well folks, I really wanted to stop in to update you, but now I really have to get back to my kitchen.  It looks like Pinterest threw up in there, and those DIY holiday gift projects are going to D themselves.

Happy ChristmaHanuKwanzaakah!

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Unexpected

June 17th, 2011.  CD16, 3DPO…?

So yesterday at this time, I was settling in to the thought that I had about a week’s wait before ovulation.

Today, apparently, I am firmly in the Two Week Wait.

Crazy, right?  I know!

I went to my chart on Fertility Friend and checked out when I had my temp rise, which lined up exactly with the time frame the ultrasound tech told me she thought I had ovulated–two to three days ago.  So, I did what any obsessive TTC-er would do; I manually overrode the system and placed my ovulation date.

I feel like such a cheater!  And a slouch!  Not only did I not know I ovulated, even if I had been using OPK’s to test, I probably wouldn’t have started using them until after the day I actually ovulated anyway!  And forget about Sexy Timing!  We probably would have started yesterday, had I not received the unexpected news about my premature ovulation. Thankfully, there was one little “encounter” a few days ago that made it onto the chart before the egg-drop, or I would have to chalk this month up to a total waste before it even got off the ground.

What is my body trying to do to me??

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RE-Day, Epilogue

This is totally going to be me: On my period and all smug and Zen and crap. Just wait.

Alright, first of all, thank you for following all of this madness today.  I wish this blog had a Facebook-like status update button so I could have avoided bogging down the whole site with teeny two-sentence posts.  Alas, I am not that savvy, and so, again, thank you for sticking around!

The rest of RE-Day went a little like this:

After a bit of a wait (and a delicious lunch), I was brought in for my date with the ultrasound wand, which is just as much fun as it sounds.  The very nice ultrasound tech told me a few things I already knew (thanks to a good friend!):  My uterus is retroverted, my egg supply looks good in both ovaries, and all of my girl-parts look like they’re healthy and in the appropriate places.

She also asked me what cycle day today is for me, and I told her–CD15.  But, I said, I have long cycles and ovulate late, so I don’t expect ovulation for another few days, maybe even a week.  Trust me.  I chart these things.  Religiously.

The very nice ultrasound tech informed me that it looked to her like I already had ovulated on my left side.

Wait.

What?!?

Pardon my French, lady,  but No Freaking Way.

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Prep Work

June 9th, 2011.  CD8.

So, today is all about preparing for the big day with the lady who’s going to knock me up.  My first RE appointment is in a week, and I’m starting to get a little anxious.  I checked in with the office to see which of my doctors have sent over my medical records, and I’ve started to fax records requests to the ones who haven’t.

By the way, is it a job requirement for medical records office employees to be rude?  I mean seriously… I have called four offices today, and every single one of those women pretty much hates their life, or so it sounds over the phone.  I hate calling you to fax over copies of my last three pap smear results just as much as you hate faxing them, mkay?  Get over it, lady.  Jeez.

Anyway, so aside from making sure my medical records are in place, showing up on time for my appointment, and employing some advanced hair-removal techniques, is there anything else I should be doing to prepare for this three-hour tour of my privates?

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Lazy Days of Summer

June 2nd, 2011.  CD34.

Well, it’s been a hectic week, but I’m still alive.

…Still haven’t ovulated, but alive nonetheless.  I wonder if the stress of preparing for our trip to my brother-in-law’s wedding in Knoxville, or the “traveler’s illness” I tend to get had anything to do with my delayed ovulation.  I just hope something happens soon, because a thirty-four day cycle is not what I had in mind for this month, and it shows no signs of being over any time soon.

Just for kicks, I peed on a stick this morning.  No surprise, but it was negative.  I figured maybe since I was too busy thinking about traveling and all the preparation going into the trip, maybe I’d gotten knocked up somehow when I wasn’t paying attention.

Nope, no such luck.  I guess the RE will just have to see me in fifteen short days after all.

I wish I had some kind of interesting news to report, but alas, I have none.  On the weight-gain front, I’d managed to put on about four pounds before our trip, but my anxiety with traveling and the stress I put on myself caused me to eat poorly and not as much as I should have, so I think I undid a lot of what I’d gained.  I’m still holding strong though, and managed to force down an enormous breakfast today.  I’ll get there…

I spent a lot of time over the weekend with a lot of girls I’d never met, which was interesting.  Everyone was super-nice, and I had a lot of great conversations with people who had heard through the grapevine that the husband and I were having some trouble in the reproduction department.  Let’s just say that at one point at the wedding reception after-party, lots of drinks were flowing, and lots of painful stories of other people’s reproductive troubles were too.  It was pretty uncomfortable, but in a way I appreciated hearing that I’m not the only one with a broken oven.

I just wish I’d been drinking too, and maybe it wouldn’t have been so awkward sitting in a hot tub with women I’d known for an hour talking about miscarriages and IVF.  Next time I’ll remember to keep a flask in my bikini.

All in all though, the whole trip was a success.  I had fun with friends and family, the drama was kept in check, and my mind was so far off from TTC that I forgot entirely to temp the whole time I was away.  Oops!

Now that it’s back to reality, I can see that this summer is going to be one of the busiest in recent memory.  Lots of events, lots of appointments and testing, lots of decisions, and from what I am starting to gather, lots of work-related stress.  More on that another day…

For now, here are a few pictures from the weekend.  Enjoy!

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Busy Birds n’ Bees

May 23rd, 2011.  CD24.

It’s been a crazy couple of days around here, buzzing around trying to get ready for this trip out of town, frantically packing (and re-packing… (and then unpacking again because it’s too freaking early to pack)), and generally stressing out about things beyond my control.

Oh, and then the whole “trying to create life” thing too.  Yeah, it’s been busy day and night.

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Long Time No Blog!

May 21st, 2011.  CD22.

Hiya folks!  It’s been a while, no?

I apologize for the lack of updates and snark, but I really haven’t had much to update, and my snark has been in the toilet lately.  I’m in a funk, and I really need a good slap in the face to break out of said funk.  I’m hoping that spending hours on the road and a few days in Knoxville, TN, will help with that!

The husband and I are gearing up for his brother’s wedding in just over a week.  We will be leaving a few days early, road-tripping it at our leisure, and staying in a nice hotel while we’re there.  I also have a couple of fancy dresses and shoes that promise to cripple my soon-to-be perfectly pedicured toes, so there’s also that to look forward to.

If spending copious amounts of money and getting all fancied up in my I’m-married-to-the-Best-Man finery doesn’t break me out of the funk and help me get my snark back, then I don’t know what will!

As for the whole baby-making thing, the story is very much the same as last month.  Today is CD22 and ovulation is (hopefully) just around the corner.  I haven’t been using OPK’s this month, and none of my other signs are very clearly indicating that an egg-drop is imminent.

Today’s plans include working, ingesting 2800 calories, relaxing with the husband, finding some time for the no-pants dance, and getting knocked up.  In that order.

So long as the world doesn’t end, anyway.

Have a happy Saturd–err, Judgement Day, friends, and watch out for raptors!

Vampires and angsty teens may be able to survive the Zombie Apocalypse, but no one can escape the Raptor!

Status

Skinny Bitch

May 12th, 2011.  CD13.

Hello friends!

Who wants some updates on my uterus?

Well too bad, because I don’t really have anything new to report.  CD13, big whoop.  If I were a textbook case, I’d be ovulating tomorrow.  Since I’m more of a headcase, I probably won’t ovulate until late next week or possibly later.

Oh well, that just gives me lots of time to “collect samples”, if ya know what I mean.  *winkwinknudgenudge*

So since my reproductive system is gathering dust, I’d like to take this opportunity to talk about another part of my body that isn’t working correctly:  My fat cells.

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Mothers Day Nursery Field Trip

May 8th, 2011.  CD9.

No, not that nursery.

The one across the street with the pretty flowers.

The husband and I took advantage of the warm, sunny day and took our poor dog for a nice long afternoon walk.  Our little jaunt took us over to the local nursery, where we picked up a basil plant and a couple of strawberry pots, and then over to the neighborhood frozen custard stand to secure a little after-dinner treat.

We spoke with the Moms on the phone, and made sure they received the silly cards we sent.  We did our duty by our own mothers, and after we grill a lovely steak dinner (with fresh basil couscous!), we’re going to get started on this month’s attempt at making me a mother.

What?  TMI?

Here’s some photos of some pretties to make it up to ya.

Enjoy.

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Mothers Day With Tina Fey

I know that as Infertiles, Mothers Day is supposed to make us bitter and resentful at the universe for our unending barrenness.

That sentiment seems a little selfish to me.  I mean, I may not have children (yet), but I do still have my mother, my mother-in-law, and my grandmother-in-law in my life.  This should be a day used to celebrate those that we still have with us, those women who brought us up.  Today should be the day to honor the women in our lives who have changed our diapers, yelled at us for crossing the street without looking both ways, stayed up all night waiting for us to sneak back into the house, and not telling Dad how late we got home or who it was that dropped us off.

For me, this is a day to honor them that I do have, not a day to cry about what I don’t.

Besides, I celebrate that every other day of the year…

And so, in honor of Mothers Day (and in honor of not taking yourself too seriously in life), I present to you an excerpt from the mind-blowingly awesome book I’m currently reading–Bossypants, by Tina Fey.

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