Up and Down

April 20th, 2012.  CD25, 10DPIUI. The good news is that the trigger is finally OUT! Woo!   The bad news is that now I’m panicking because there are no lines to speculate about. Ugh.   And my temp has been on a steady decline the past couple of days… Double Ugh.   I guess there

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So High Right Now

April 17th, 2012.  CD22, 7DPIUI.

I know, I know.

This post title would have been better suited to a 4/20 post.

But I needed to accurately convey how excited I am about my uterine lining and progesterone numbers from today!

My lining last cycle was an 18, with which the study docs were impressed…

This month it was a 20!  The ultrasound tech literally said “Holy crap.  That’s the thickest lining I’ve seen yet!”

I just got the call with my progesterone numbers, too.  To recap, last cycle was 14.6.

This cycle?


I know, I know, it can mean NOTHING.

But it’s so encouraging, I’m going to pretend it means SOMETHING.

Don’t poop on my parade, people.

This day rules.  🙂



March 12th, 2012.  CD4.

So I had my cycle day 3 blood work and ultrasound this morning (a day late, I know), and the news is not great.

I have a few leftover follicles from last cycle hanging out that never resolved, and they seem to be causing elevated Estradiol (E2) levels.  The study guidelines won’t allow a participant to move forward if their level is above the mid-90s, and I am at 128.


This means that I cannot have a medicated cycle or IUI this month, and that I can basically sit on my hands until Aunt Flo shows her ugly face again.

The only good thing about this is that I think this is the nail in the Clomid coffin.  I never had these types of reactions to meds when I was taking Femara, and thus I assume my mystery meds are the evil Clomid.

Boo… you whore.


Officially Out: The Tale of the Thirstiest Thursday

March 8th, 2012.  CD29, 15DPIUI.

Well, as expected, the beta results came back negative.  Not like that was a shock… My temps took a dump this morning, alerting me to what I already suspected.

Well played, uterus.  Well played…

Oh well… What’s one more month in the grand scheme of things?

Today will be filled with lots of working, followed by an evening spent drinking a bottle of wine that’s been chilled in preparation for this very event.  Hopefully laying off the Prometrium will coax Aunt Flo out of hiding and we can jump start this next cycle.

Time to work on my Apocalypse Baby!!  Yeehaw!


Beta Blues

Wednesday, March 7th, 2012.  CD28, 14DPIUI.

This is the result of the home pregnancy stick I peed on this morning:


I mean, at least now I won’t be as crushed when I get the results of my beta back later today…

Le sigh.  Maybe next month…



Progesterone Day

Wednesday, February 29th, 2012.  CD21, 7DPIUI.

Well, my ultrasound appointment went well this morning.  My uterine lining is nice and thick, and the doctor said that’s exactly what they want to see.  I believe it measured over 18mm.

My progesterone level wasn’t as spectacular as I thought it might be, however.  14.6.  Not terrible, but I figured it would be higher since I’m taking 200mg of Prometrium daily.

Oh well… It’s still all good news today, and hopefully the trend continues!

Happy Lump Day, everyone!

(Leap Day + Hump Day = Lump Day)


The Wa-eee-aaaiting Is the Hardest Part…

February 28th, 2012.  CD20, 6DPIUI.

Well… I’m hanging in there.

But I’m having trouble concentrating on anything but my reproductive system.  This is a problem… Especially at work.

The general consensus around my office is that I am, in fact pregnant (even though no one could know that yet), and that I will be having twin girls.

It’s preposterous, I know.  But I kind of love it.  I just want it so badly.  Not even the twin thing, while that would be splendid, but the pregnant thing.

I want it.

I want this IUI to be the magical fix-it my busted uterus needs.  I pray daily (and nightly)(and a lot in the shower) that this will work.

I really want to start buying pregnancy tests… but so far, I have restrained myself.  I don’t even venture down the feminine product aisle at the grocery store unless I have to, and I avoid trips to the pharmacy if at all possible.

Tomorrow is my progesterone draw, along with an ultrasound, I assume to verify that I am not developing cysts from the medication.  I have this fear that they will tell me that no ovulation took place, and that this cycle is a bust.

You see?  I am fantasizing about great outcomes AND bad ones.  I am clinging to every little thing my body is doing, trying to make each tiny thing into an early pregnancy symptom.

Heartburn?  Pregnant!  (No, I’m sure it’s not because I ate an entire pineapple in five days…)

Sore boobs?  Pregnant!!  (Well, I guess it could be normal, but what fun is that?)

Tired?  PREGNANT!!!  (This is absolutely not because I stay up far too late at night searching the interwebs for pregnancy symptoms like mine…)

And so, you see – I am crazy.

I’m sure the progesterone supplement doesn’t help with the crazy, but I’m hoping that I will find tomorrow that it’s helping with my body’s ability to support the pregnancy I hope is in the process of formulating right now.

We shall see…


Insemination Day

Wednesday, February 22, 2012.  CD14.

Well… I just feel odd.  Sitting here at my desk, at work, thinking about what is (hopefully) going on in my uterus right now.

It’s also odd knowing there’s nothing I can do but wait.

And eat pineapple.  I’m eating a whole pineapple, core and all, this week.  It’s supposed to aid in implantation… and probably heartburn, too.

Anyway, things went well this morning.  The husband made his “deposit”, which Dr. Amanda told me had all the numbers they were looking for.

It was a very surreal experience when the nurse walked in, handed me a vial, and asked me to read her the names on it to make sure I was getting inseminated with the right sperm.  LOL.

My cervix is sort of off to the side (and I have a retroverted uterus), so that made things a wee bit difficult when attempting to get the catheter into my cervix, but it all worked out in the end.

I laid down, got inseminated, hung out reading my book for 20 minutes, and then got dressed and left.  Not so romantic, as baby-making goes, but hopefully it will be successful.

I am spotting a bit, and it may be in my head, but I feel some… fullness, maybe?  …In the uteran region.

From here, all I can do is wait.  I have an appointment for progesterone testing and a follow-up ultrasound next Wednesday, and then my beta will the following Wednesday.

Oh, one other thing… Have I mentioned that I’m superstitious?

I kinda am.

I have received gifts over the years from friends and family and coworkers to help me along this journey.  These gifts include three bracelets, earrings, a Catholic saint medallion, and a bottle of pink champagne affectionately known as “Juju Juice”.

Today?  I wore ALL of it.  Well, not the champagne.  But I have some in the fridge still, and I might take a teensy sip of it tonight just for good measure.

Anything that can help, I will do.  And what can all of that hurt?

Also, today is 2/22/12.  I feel like this is lucky… I don’t know why, but I do.  My mom conceived me when she was 22, and my brother’s number in all of his sports endeavors in high school was always 22.  Today is also the birth date of the person mentioned above who gifted me the Catholic saint medallion.

Oh!  And yesterday, my blog had 222 views!!

Oh, and I saw a hawk!

I don’t know if that’s good luck, but a hawk landed on my patio (in the suburbs – not so common!), the day before this cycle started, and it was in the tree outside our window the next day too.

This morning, while I was leaving the apartment to head to my appointment, I saw that hawk again!  It was in a big tree, and I swear it was watching me.

I hope it’s a good luck hawk, and not a bad omen hawk.

I know this is all ridiculous, but it’s something I can hold onto until Beta Day.  Things that give me tiny spurts of hope when doubt starts to creep in.

I will take what I can get these days!


Uhh… Change of Plans.

I just got the call from Dr. Amanda with the research study, and my blood work shows signs that I am starting to ovulate on my own.

I have been instructed to trigger immediately (or when I get home from work, since I conveniently left my scary injectable meds and giant syringe at home), and then report back for IUI tomorrow morning.  The husband goes in at 8:30am and I go in at 10:30.

Crazy that I am going to be getting shot full of his swimmers while he isn’t even in the building.  LOL.

Anyway – now the nerves set in!!  Gotta remain calm… just your regular, every day ordinary turkey bastin’.

Holy Crap.

This.  Is.  Happening.



Ollie 2: The Lonely Follicle

Tuesday, February 21st, 2012.  CD13.

So, for the second (very early) morning in a row, I have had blood work and an ultrasound to see how the mystery meds are helping me along.

Yesterday, I had one lonely follicle on the right that was of any merit.  Ollie 2 measured about 15 yesterday – too small to trigger.  Through this research study, I need to have two follies at 18 or higher before they allow me to trigger.  They also allow me to trigger if I have one follie that has been at 18 or up for two days, OR if I appear to be ovulating on my own.

As it stands today, Ollie 2 is measuring 17.5.  Depending on the blood work, I will likely go back in tomorrow morning for another pass of the wand to see if Ollie 2 has made any further progress.  If so, I will trigger tomorrow evening, and go in for IUI on Friday morning.

The doctors are being very proactive in their monitoring, which is a great thing considering I don’t have to pay for it, but the driving is getting old.  I just keep thinking that getting up at 4am is preparing for the day when my baby comes home and keeps me up alllllllllll night long.

But really, 4am?  I hate you.  I haven’t wanted to see either side of 4am in years.  I want to be asleep when it’s dark, thankyouverymuch.

That being said, I will do whatever is necessary to give myself the best chance for success this cycle.  And, although it’s a lot of miles and minutes out of my day, monitoring things closely this cycle will help the docs be able to time things better for me next cycle.  For that, I am thankful.

Once I have a bit more info, I will update you all again.  Thank you, as always, to those of you out there cheering me on!  I couldn’t do all of this without the love and support of the husband, my friends and family, and my friends via intrawebs!

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Summertime Sadness

A safe space where I discuss the racing thoughts in my head, personal struggles, and day-to-day activities while struggling with mental health and mood disorder issues. My personal goal is to reduce the stigma that comes with mental health and mood disorders, by talking more about it.