CDaily – Page 3 – Just Stop Trying and It Will Happen…

Category: CDaily

Dreams

Monday, January 14th, 2013. CD24, 10DPO.

I’ve been having some crazy dreams the past few nights, and last night was no exception.

I tossed and turned with some of the vivid situations playing out in my head, and then I just woke up. From that point on, I think I just hovered on the edge of sleep and waking, and little wisps of sad dreams floated by until my alarm went off.

I feel like this restless night was probably a big part of the reason why my temp dipped so low today, but a small part of me hopes that maybe it’s an implantation dip. (A slightly bigger part of me, that has the voice of my friend Kboo, knows that I shouldn’t count on temps at all during a medicated cycle, lol…)

The “dream” I was having just before I woke for good was not a happy one.

I was basically flipping through images of all of my friends and family, counting how many children they had all brought into the world since the husband and I started trying for a baby of our own in March of 2009.

It seems like hundreds.

Couples have met, dated, gotten engaged, married, honeymooned and then procreated in that amount of time. We’ve just been stuck, stagnant, trying in vain for what seems so far away.

I try not to wallow, but when you’re dreaming, you’re a captive to your subconscious.

I woke up on that sad, bitter note, and I’m finding it difficult to trudge my way up out of the funk.

On a somewhat lighter note, I have continued to test out the Ovidrel trigger over the weekend, and can report that this morning’s test was so barely-there that I’m calling it a BFN.

Wondfo Progression – Ovidrel 12 days past trigger/10dpo

Here’s hoping for some pink lines to wrap up the week…

January 14, 2013 7 Comments Short URL10dpo, Femara, Menopur, Ovidrel, TTC, wondfo progressionCDaily

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Meh.

Friday, January 11th, 2013. CD21, 7DPO.

Meh.

That’s how I’m feeling.

My temps are up where they should be, I guess, but nothing special is going on. Meh.

My ladylumps (Yes, I still say ladylumps. Deal with it.) are a little tender, but that’s normal for any cycle. Meh.

I’m hungry all the time, but that’s probably just normal TWW hormones and a smidge of feeling-eating going on. Besides, it’s too early for pregnancy symptoms anyway, right? Meh.

I’m testing out the trigger, and today at 9 Days Past Trigger, that cursed line is still there, lighter than yesterday, but still nice and pink. Meh.

I guess maybe I was hoping something magical would happen this cycle. A beautiful implantation dip, boobs that hurt when you so much as look at them, tingling and prodding in the uterine area.

You know… something.

ANYthing.

But no.

Just a whole lotta Meh.

Anyway, here’s a picture of the Wondfo test progression, as I know plenty of folks out there like to stalk. 🙂

Enjoy your weekend!

Ovidrel progression with Wondfos, 9 days past trigger, 7 days past ovulation

January 11, 2013 2 Comments Short URLFemara, Menopur, Ovidrel, testing out the trigger, wondfo progressionCDaily

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Crosshairs

Monday, January 7th, 2013. CD17, 3DPO

Howdy, friends!

I figured I should probably throw an update out to the masses, since I’ve been a lazy blogger the past week.

There’s not a whole lot to report, but I did get my FertilityFriend chart crosshairs today. According to FF, it looks like I ovulated on Friday at some point and am now 3DPO. I’m a little miffed at my alleged ovulation date, as I have almost always ovulated within 24 hours of triggering. This cycle, I was still having lots of lovely EWCM even late in the afternoon on Friday!

It wouldn’t be a big deal if the husband and I had better timed out our “encounters”, however our success on Wednesday and Thursday lulled us into a false sense of security, and by Friday night we were both completely exhausted and it just didn’t happen.

Hopefully Thursday’s swimmers decided to hang out and catch a late train…. sheesh.

Aside from that, I’ve had some crappy side-effects from the meds increase this month, not the least of which is what the doc thinks is a mild case of OHSS (ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome). It definitely was a mild case, if that’s even what it was, but it was really, REALLY uncomfortable for a while. I was told to weigh myself ever few hours and stay off my feet, which I did most of the weekend, all while drinking an ungodly amount of sports drinks with electrolytes.

I feel better today, but am now having some digestive issues that are making it difficult to keep a smile on my face. At only 3DPO, I can’t really attribute this to anything related to my uterus, but part of me is hoping that some hormonal shift is taking place, and taking its toll on my tummy.

Despite everything that seems to have gone wrong this cycle, I do feel quite a bit more positive this month than last. Sometimes I can’t quite fathom how I have managed to stay positive at all for this long…

For the next week or so, I’ll just keep plugging along. I have lots of things to keep me busy at home and work, and I am temping and testing out the trigger (like a naughty girl!), so that gives me some feeling of control. The holidays are over, and I am starting to feel sane again.

I will likely revert to Radio Silence late next week as usual, but I’ll keep you all as updated as I can until then! 🙂

Have a fantastic week, friends!

January 7, 2013 3 Comments Short URLTTC, TWWCDaily

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New Year, New You.

Wednesday, January 2nd, 2013. CD12.

How did you spend your New Year’s Eve?

I spent the night on the couch, in complete misery, because of some lovely leftover Femara side-effects from which I’m currently suffering. Things are feeling a whole lot better today, but the past 48 hours have been rough.

Thankfully, that issue does not seem to have knocked the whole cycle off track, and I’m feeling pretty good about things today.

I have one lead follicle that, when I trigger tonight, should hopefully be around 23mm when I trigger tonight, and those two twelves may have made it to maturity by tonight, too. The husband is off work until Friday, and even then he works day shifts on Friday and Saturday, so that will make SexyTime much easier to schedule this month.

With the stress of the holidays behind me, I feel like this is a much easier cycle to handle. Yes, there have been some problems, and yes, the beginning of the cycle falling right during the Christmas/anniversary/housewarming/New Year’s chaos was rough, but I feel good. Happy. Positive, even.

I feel like 2013 is going to be the year of the Take Home Baby.

Not just for me, but for so many of us who have been struggling for so long…

Hang in there, friends. This is the year it all changes. 🙂

January 2, 2013 5 Comments Short URL2013, Femara, Menopur, New Year's, Ovidrel trigger, TTCCDaily

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Starting 2013 With a Bang…

Monday, December 31st, 2012. CD10.

So upon worrying myself sick about it, I decided to reschedule my monitoring ultrasound for today instead of Wednesday (CD12) because I was worried that by then I might be ovulating on my own and unable to tell if I had any mature follicles.

(Holy run-on sentence, Batman…)

I figured that since it’s a bit early, I probably wouldn’t have any good-lookin’ follies today, but it turns out that there’s a nice-sized 17.5 on the right! I also have two 12-going-on-13s on the left that we are hoping will catch up by Wednesday (CD12) when I will trigger. My lining is nice and thick, as usual, measuring a bit over 10 today.

I started the Menopur 150iu injections last night (in the bathroom at a really nice restaurant during a family dinner… of course), and other than feeling increasingly tired, that seems to be going well. I’m hopeful that this double-dose will boost my twelves and make my seventeen a healthy, mature sperm-magnet.

On the downside, stress, lack of sleep, dehydration, Femara usage, and myriad other holiday-related issues have led to a bit of an irritation, which might make the next couple of days a bit uncomfortable. I won’t let it deter me, however! This isn’t the worst thing I’ve had to go through on this journey to a Take Home Baby, and I won’t let it stop me from trying my best this cycle.

I know how we will be spending the first few days of our 2013, and I have to say – not too shabby. 😉

I hope you all have a fantastic, beautiful, bountiful New Year, and that 2013 brings all of our dreams to light.

Thank you for reading, my friends.

December 31, 2012 2 Comments Short URL2013, Femara, Menopur, New Year's, TTCCDaily

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Radio Silence 3.0… Probably.

Wednesday, December 19th, 2012. CD23, 12DPO.

I’m going into hiding for a few days.

Probably, anyway.

I don’t expect to have great news to broadcast this Christmas, largely because for a few days now, I have been feeling crampy and bloaty and just… Ugh.

Aunt Flo and her always-ironic timing are probably on their way, just in time for my family to arrive this weekend.

I suppose I should just join the camp where I hope Auntie shows her face as soon as possible so that Christmas Eve and Christmas Day aren’t completely miserable.

Anyway, I’m probably going to keep quiet for a few days, mostly out of lack of time to post, and partially because I might just not want to talk about how disappointed I am during the most jolly time of year.

If I’m not able to make it back here in time for Christmas, let me just convey my wishes now:

Happy ChristmaHanukKwanzaKuh!

May the season bring you love and light and blessings,

May your tampon drawer remain closed for many months,

May your pee-sticks have two lines,

And may your uterus be filled with joy and babies. 🙂

I love you guys.

Please tell me this really exists…

December 19, 2012 6 Comments Short URLaunt flo, Christmas, Happy Holidays, TTCCDaily, Life

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You Suck.

Thursday, December 13th, 2012. CD17, 5DPO.

I’m already losing faith in this cycle.

Testing out the trigger?

No. Took the month off from that at the suggestion of my TTCBFF. I miss it, and not feeling like I have control SUCKS.

My temps?

Low. Like pre-ovulation-low. Suck.

My symptoms?

Nonexistent, and therefore, suck.

SUCK SUCK SUCK!

So anyway, now that that’s out of the way…

How about some updates?

I don’t have much. Like previously stated, this Two Week Wait has been pretty uneventful thus far.

My temps have been wonky and low, my boobs don’t hurt, and I don’t feel twingy like I did during my pregnancy/miscarriage cycle’s TWW.

The only thing that seems promising is that I’m freaking exhausted and I’m an eating machine. I realize both of those are probably entirely due to the increase in progesterone I likely have due to ovulating two mature eggies this cycle, but still… that’s all I have to hold onto.

I’m hoping that this weekend will bring some higher temps and giant, painful chesticles to renew my hope, but we shall see.

For now though, I’m just trying to enjoy this bustling, chilly time of year. The house is getting somewhere near order, I have Christmas shopping to finish this weekend, and my family is coming to Ohio to visit next weekend.

I’m thankful for our many blessings, and the blessed distractions that will (hopefully) keep me from obsessing about my every twinge and temp drop.

Happy holidays, everyone! 🙂

December 13, 2012 8 Comments Short URLChristmas, ttc after miscarriage, ttc in your 30s, two week wait symptoms, TWWCDaily

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Fair Warning…

Monday, December 10th, 2012. CD14, 2DPO…?

While I am feeling pretty iffy about our timing this cycle, and feeling pretty detached from the whole process in general, I am planning to still institute my “radio silence” campaign toward the end of next week.

I haven’t talked much with the husband about what we plan to do if this turns into a BFP cycle.

Will we tell everyone right away?

Will we wait till we see a beating heart?

Will we wait for the twelve-week “safe zone” to arrive?

I just don’t know.

We are still a little traumatized after our miscarriage, but one thing that helped immensely was the fact that everyone knew.

There were very few times that I had to tell anyone that I had miscarried, because we were very public with the news. I feel like if it’s in the cards for us again this cycle, then maybe we should just come out with it immediately.

At least if everyone knew what was going on, we would have that support built in again…

Then again, my instinct is to play it close to the vest. Not because I am ashamed of having miscarried, or because I want to keep secrets (because we all know that’s not my style!), but just because it seems easier to grieve in private… and yet, we value the support of everyone we know.

*sigh*

A conundrum, to be sure.

If I were a betting broad, I would say that the scales tip in the favor of being entirely public about the whole thing, whatever the outcome – BFN or BFP.

Plus, it’s difficult to keep secrets when you scrawl your woes all over the interwebs. 😉

And I don’t know what I’d do without all of you… I have never been a great secret-keeper, and I’m just not a very private person. I like to share.

I may over-share from time to time.

Or all of the time.

But I like to feel that I am maybe helping one person to feel not so isolated in their feelings, or their journey. This all sucks royally (by the way, am I the only one who feels like Princess Kate is a backstabbing hooker for getting pregnant before me??), and at least by sharing with all of you, I feel better.

Maybe you feel worse for reading it… but you have a choice to stop. I have no choice but to go on, every day, whining about my barrenness. You can just quit reading if you want…

But I bet you won’t. I think you secretly like reading about my dusty uterus and adventures with prescription drugs and dildo-cams.

Thanks for sticking around you bunch of pervs. 🙂

I wouldn’t have it any other way!

Also, while searching for a funny picture of Princess Kate, I found this.

Perfect.

December 10, 2012 8 Comments Short URLFemara, Menopur, Ovidrel, ttc after miscarriate, ttc in your 30sCDaily

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Double Trouble!

Friday, December 7th, 2012. CD11.

I just got back from my first – and only! – monitoring appointment for this cycle.

Apparently double the Femara plus a few days of Menopur was just the trick!

I have a follicle measuring 17 on the left, and a 17.5 on the right (that NEVER happens!!), so just one more Menopur injection tonight, trigger tomorrow morning, and then scrambling the eggs all weekend. 😉

I’m starting to think maybe that astrologer was onto something…

Oh God… I hope he was.

XOXO, friends!

December 7, 2012 13 Comments Short URLFemara, Menopur, Ovidrel trigger, ttc after miscarriage, TTC in your thirtiesCDaily

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Doing Shots

Tuesday, December 4th, 2012. CD8.

I started the Menopur shots last night; same dosage as the last cycle, 75iu per night for five nights.

You would think that after all the shots I’ve had to get and give myself that I wouldn’t be such a little girl about it, but last night was pretty bad.

I spent a half hour watching YouTube videos of women mixing medications and giving themselves shots, and then another ten minutes psyching myself up in the mirror to actually stab that tiny little needle into my belly.

It didn’t even hurt, but I was such a wimp about it. I’m hoping tonight will be better.

Perhaps since the husband will be home, that will pressure me into doing it quickly and getting it over with. Sometimes peer pressure is actually helpful.

So that’s it with the meds. Just a shot a night till Friday, when I have a monitoring ultrasound with Dr. K, and hopefully some fat follies ready to pop. I’m hopeful, but not anticipating, that the trigger will be over the weekend. The husband has the day off on Saturday, and that would be a great day to… you know. Do that one thing.

Oh hey, want a moving update? Here it is!

We finalized everything with the apartment move-out over the weekend. Well, on Sunday – my birthday – to be exact.

And by we, I mean me.

All alone, painting walls white and carrying paint cans and ladders out to my car while the husband was working.

*cue the violins*

Thankfully, I’d had help from the world’s best in-laws with the painting earlier in the week, so it didn’t take nearly as long as it could have.

We are officially IN our new house! The painting is mostly complete, with just one little ol’ wall I want to adjust. We have boxes everywhere, and most mornings I can’t find my pants, but it’s slowly coming together.

We have a little housewarming shindig planned for the end of the month, and I’m excited about having people over for the first time in… forever! We always had crappy little apartments filled with cats and dogs, and never wanted to really have people come over and hang out, but with this new house, that’s all changed.

We have space now. Space for the feline tenants to hide when company comes over, and space for their litter boxes to inhabit and not generally gross out anyone within proximity. (For the record, we do clean them daily, but we have one fat cat who shall remain nameless that refuses to “cover” his eliminations. Ugh.)

We have a yard where people can congregate, and may even have a fire pit when warmer weather arrives! We can grill out on the patio, and the dog can run around with whatever kiddos might be over, and the adults can relax and play cards and have drinks and food and generally just be merry.

It’s idyllic. Seriously.

I never fancied myself a girl for the suburbs, but I’m coming around. 🙂

Once we get things a little more organized and put some pictures on the walls, I’ll post some photos. Until then, it’s going to be a straight-up free for all to get this place in order.

And, you know, Christmas, birthdays, our anniversary, and New Year’s.

No biggie.

Thankfully, it’s eat-your-feelings-and-stress season. 😉

Happy Holidays!