Why I’ve Been Quiet…

It’s been two years. With over a dozen “graduates” from this group, myself included, four different hosts each next in line for the job because the previous host found success in her journey, and twenty-four months of support, commiseration, and the building of lifelong friendships, we now see how truly important Resolve’s mission is.

If you are not part of a Resolve Peer-led Support Group in your area – join one. Knowing that you’re not alone is SO important. And if your area doesn’t have a Resolve support group, I urge you to consider starting one.

I promise you won’t regret it, and I promise it will change lives. ❤

Just Stop Trying and It Will Happen...

…And first of all, let me calm those of you who dread blogger pregnancy announcements by saying that NO, I am most definitely NOT PREGNANT.

The rest of the story is a little harder to explain, however.

I’ll be honest, I’ve felt very strange lately.  I mean, I’m still part of the infertility community, but I feel like I’ve lost my mojo.  I don’t feel like writing.  I don’t feel like trying.

It’s not that I feel like quitting is on the horizon, either for blogging or for trying to conceive, but I feel very passive about both right now.  Almost ambivalent.

Maybe I’ve just been on this journey too long… It will be five WHOLE years next month, after all.

Maybe I’m just tired.  Tired of one thing defining me, tired of letting it rule my life… just tired.

Maybe I’m ready to stop focusing on me, and…

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12 comments on “Why I’ve Been Quiet…

  1. gsmwc02
    February 22, 2016 at 11:38 am #

    Resolve’s support groups are great for those on the journey to become parents but if your journey doesn’t end that way you aren’t going to have a place in a Resolve Support Group.


    • Tracy
      February 22, 2016 at 11:43 am #

      The good news is that Resolve supports ALL resolution of the infertility journey, whether your resolution is pregnancy or adoption or fostering, or living child free. I know that not as many areas have a “Life after Infertility/Child Free Living” support group, but I think that number is rising! Look into it – or better yet, start one of your own! Everyone, on every different journey, deserves support and freedom from isolation! ❤


      • gsmwc02
        February 22, 2016 at 11:45 am #

        They may say they do but they really don’t have much of any support for those who move on with out children. I’ve looked into this. There is a ton of support for those going through treatment, pregnant or pursuing adopting but not much of any for those who won’t be parents.


      • Tracy
        February 22, 2016 at 1:44 pm #

        I’m sure you’re right in that there are fewer resources for those who are living child free, whether by choice or not, but that’s what I’m saying – if the option is not there, CREATE the option. BE the support you want to see. BE the change you want to see in the world Others will come, and you’ll see how much it was needed. ❤


      • gsmwc02
        February 22, 2016 at 1:54 pm #

        Those who are living without children by choice don’t relate to those who are living without children by Circumstance. If Resolve was such a great organization that supported all outcomes wouldn’t they have more resources than they do?


      • Tracy
        February 22, 2016 at 2:46 pm #

        I agree on the differences, yes. Resolve is only as good an organization as its volunteers, however. We can’t expect a non-profit to cater to every person in every area without any action on our parts. Rather than finding faults, why don’t you look into starting a Child Free by Circumstance support group? I bet you’d find some commiseration and camaraderie in others in your area who are struggling with the same issues. We’re all doomed to be alone in our struggles unless we reach out!


      • gsmwc02
        February 22, 2016 at 2:50 pm #

        It’s easy for people to say that when they are the ones who have an abundance of resources available to them. I would expect Resolve if they are a true infertility organization that supports all outcomes to have more “Childless” (not Childfree because it wasn’t a choice) support than they do. If Resolve actually had support services I would have no problem volunteering but they don’t.


      • Tracy
        February 22, 2016 at 3:26 pm #

        I’m honestly not sure what you’d like to happen here. I don’t work for Resolve.

        I saw a problem in my area, and I made strides to help people get support they needed. Yes, Resolve has resources available for those struggling with infertility, and yes, the resources available for those who are faced with resolution outside of having a family are fewer, but at the end of the day, there has to be some personal responsibility in the situation. Life, God, fate – whatever you believe – threw a childless path your way. How you deal with that is up to you, ultimately, and not the responsibility of any organization.

        If you want Resolve to offer more to those on your particular path, then lobby for that change with the organization. Go to the top. Email Betsy Campbell or Barbara Collura. Offer suggestions. Get involved. I can only tell you one thing for sure – arguing with one lowly blogger on the internet isn’t going to solve your issue of lack of support or resources. Sometimes you have to put on your big girl (or boy) panties and make shit happen.

        That would be my suggestion in this case. It’s a bad hand to be dealt, sure, but it’s what you do with your cards that matters in the end. Best of luck to you, and I sincerely hope that your passion for your cause can bring support and hope to others. ❤


      • gsmwc02
        February 22, 2016 at 3:36 pm #

        It’s so easy to say all of this when your situation was different. It’s something that people don’t comprehend until they are in that situation themselves. If you are able to have a child you become almost naive to what it’s like not to be able to have kids and the lack of support out there. Very rarely do people of privilege who have kids use that privilege to help those who don’t. Instead it’s usually parents asking for help from those who don’t have kids.

        I’m just pointing out that Resolve can help you if you are TTC, pregnant, adopting or have kids. They can’t really help you if you end up childless. So let’s not promote them as this great all inclusive organization because they aren’t.

        All I’m doing is enlightening of the reality that we face. Rather than dismissing me I was hoping you would listen. I wasn’t looking for suggestion. I was looking for empathy and acknowledgement.


      • Tracy
        February 22, 2016 at 3:56 pm #

        It took more than five years for us to come home with a live baby, and even now with the terrifying infection I had in pregnancy which has been passed onto my child, life is not easy. I worked hard – far harder than the majority of fertile parents out there – to get to where I am today. I would hardly call that “privileged”.

        I do feel extremely fortunate to have the life that I have, and with the good fortune I’ve been blessed with despite the bad hands I’ve been dealt, I believe that I’ve done more than my part to help others – and I still am, despite having a child of my own now. I am still a member of the Infertility Community, a part of the cCMV Community supporting other parents whose children have been affected by this virus, and I run a support group for those parenting after infertility as well. I may not be here as much, but I’m giving more than my share to help others however I can.

        Most people who resolve their infertility journey with pregnancy or adoption typically do not venture out into the world of supporting those living a childless by circumstance lifestyle because it feels as if it may be perceived to be patronizing to individuals and couples in your situation. It’s much like those living secondary infertility hosting a support group for those dealing with primary infertility – it’s a fine line between supporting and insulting.

        I understand and acknowledge where you’re coming from, I truly do, even though I haven’t had the experiences you have. At one point just before we conceived, I accepted a childless lifestyle may be my fate; I like to think that I would have worked with Resolve to build a bigger base for the childless, had that been my path.

        All I can tell you is that from MY experience, which is what this blog is all about, by the way – no one’s experiences or opinions but my own – Resolve has been a rock-solid organization that has provided support, information, and and an amazing amount of encouragement in a time when I needed those things. I am truly sorry that you haven’t had that experience. I hope that you are able to use your voice to make an impact, whether it’s with Resolve or another organization, or maybe an organization of your own creation, so that others living a childless by circumstance lifestyle can feel supported and encouraged and included in all the ways that you do not.


      • gsmwc02
        February 22, 2016 at 4:07 pm #

        It doesn’t surprise me that Resolve has supported you being that you went through treatments “didn’t give up” and became a parent. And I don’t see why you and other parents can’t support the childless. If that’s the case people like myself shouldn’t help parents and pregnant women. The infertility community should be all inclusive but it’s clear that if you don’t end up as a parent you no longer have a place in the community.

        And BTW accepting that being childless maybe your fate and it actually being your fare are two different things,


      • Tracy
        February 22, 2016 at 4:26 pm #

        I think you misunderstood what I was saying. I don’t think that parents and pregnant women can’t help the childless, but I do think that there is a preconceived notion of taboo there, that the help would be uncomfortable coming from certain sources. The Resolve support group I led had a rule that pregnant women left the group after 12 weeks pregnant; not because they don’t deserve support, but because it can be uncomfortable for those struggling with infertility to stare at a pregnant belly for two hours on a Sunday afternoon.

        It’s about compassion and understanding, which I’ve been very clearly offering to you as well. I sympathize with your situation, but as I stated, I have not lived it. I do not, and never have claimed to know what it’s like to live childless. I understand that there must be a huge shift in one’s way of thinking about life to go from TTCing to Childless.

        I just run a quiet little blog site where I post rather occasionally… I am not the President of Infertility Services of the World Wide Web. If you’d like to see a change, MAKE A CHANGE. I am not the Wizard of Oz. I can’t do that for you, because I’d look rather ridiculous marching for the childless with a child on my hip.

        I’m truly sorry for your lot in life, but attitude and action are the two attributes that can make or break any situation you’re in. ANY SITUATION.

        Some people would rather complain on the internet than get or accept help from others, and some people can’t see the forest for the trees. Please consider using your voice to help others rather than tearing them down with your negativity. Good day, sir.


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