Thirty-Five

It has been an obscene amount of time since I last posted here…

Like, a really, REALLY long time.

For that, I apologize.  Sort of, anyway…

Life’s been pretty busy these days.

Spectacular and stressful and exhausting and fantastic and insane and terrifying and amazing.  And busy.

I turned thirty-five today.

I’m not sad about it.  I’m not making excuses about it.  I’m not “twenty-nine-again-ing” about it.

I’m owning every one of my thirty-five years.  I’ve accomplished so much, loved so well, experienced such dazzling highs and dizzying lows, and generally just lived, that it would be a disservice to myself to not celebrate my life.

Like a BOSS.

My previous birthday saw me working out the last two days before I went in for my induction.  It was a frenzy of preparing my coworkers for my departure, and preparing myself mentally to make the shift between Work Tracy and Mom Tracy.  Truth be told, I didn’t feel ready for any of it, though I doubt anyone can truly be ready for the dead-stop of childbirth and the subsequent implosion of what was previously “normal”.

The past year has been one of such growth and change, struggle and triumph, wonder and amusement.  Of all of the events of my thirty-fourth year, however, one stands out quite clearly.

I am still in awe daily that I get to be the mama to this feisty babe, my bright Christmas star, my Impossible Girl, Clara Noelle.

She makes my day with her smile and laugh, breaks my heart with her cries, and makes me feel a whole depth of emotions that I did not know to exist before she came along.

Thirty-five years, and every moment has been in preparation to be a mother.  Every struggle, though they cannot be minimized or erased from history, has been worth this smirk.  Every scar has been softened by that gentle swoop of hair and that ear that sticks out just so.

For all that this day is supposed to be a celebration of me, my life, and my accomplishments, the greatest result of all of these is her.

17

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10 comments on “Thirty-Five

  1. healyourkitchen
    December 2, 2015 at 4:10 pm #

    She is adorable! I’m so happy for you. 🙂

    Like

  2. mrswhite820
    December 2, 2015 at 4:17 pm #

    She is gorgeous!! And happy birthday.

    Like

  3. nonsequiturchica
    December 2, 2015 at 4:26 pm #

    She is adorable! Happy birthday!

    Like

  4. grace922
    December 2, 2015 at 4:47 pm #

    Beautifully said. Happy Birthday! I hope it is wonderful 🙂

    Like

  5. In Due Time book
    December 2, 2015 at 7:46 pm #

    You are one of the first bloggers I started following back in the day. Great to get this update! Happy birthday. 🎂

    Like

  6. cassiedash
    December 2, 2015 at 11:10 pm #

    Absolutely beautiful — what you said and that precious child. Happy birthday to you and your girl!

    Like

  7. Heather
    December 3, 2015 at 2:22 am #

    Happy birthday! And I’m glad you’re doing so well.

    Like

  8. Aislinn
    December 4, 2015 at 11:55 am #

    Happy birthday! I’m so happy that you get to celebrate with Clara today; she is just precious!

    Like

  9. Liz
    December 18, 2015 at 4:49 pm #

    Hi Tracy,

    Happy late birthday! I share a lot of your sentiments here. I turned 35 in November! Clara is precious. I cannot imagine life pre-Dylan now, he lights up my world.

    Happy Holidays!

    ~Liz

    Like

  10. beinghandy
    June 6, 2016 at 12:48 pm #

    she’s a beauty!

    Like

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