On Anniversaries

Today is the five year anniversary of this blog. 

FIVE YEARS.

Can you believe that??

I know it’s been a while since I last posted, but I’m hoping that with the itty bitty baby newborn stuff starting to phase itself out (and with me being back to work and having use of both hands part of the day, lol), maybe I’ll have a little more time on my hands to post here more than every three months.

HAHA, SPARE TIME.  I know.  Don’t laugh.  I’m trying, and that’s what counts.  😉

So anyway, today is the five year anniversary of this blog. 

Oddly enough, today is also the one year anniversary of the day I peed on the very last (expired) pregnancy test in my house hoping it would induce my cycle to JUST START AND GET IT OVER WITH ALREADY, GAH.  That test had a faaaaaaaiiiiinnnnt second line, and I subsequently threw it into the trash, dug it out a few minutes later, buried it in a drawer, said a bunch of really bad words, and set out to call and yell at the test maker’s customer service line for allowing expired tests to produce false positive results.

We all know that the second line turned into my sweet gal Clara, but I wanted to share how she started out:

Early morning.  An expired test.  A faint line.  Swear words.  Disbelief.

Late evening.  A second test.  Freshly-purchased.  More swear words.  Terror and further disbelief.

Next morning.  Phone call made with shaking hands.  Blood work done.  Results received at my desk at work (which is where I came across this note last week, stuck to papers in one of my drawers).

This Post-it will forever live in infamy.

I love that you can see the extent of my mania on this little sticky note, and what you can’t see but is implied is soooooohohohoooooo much Googling and mental preparation.

A beta result of 29 at 12dpo.  Okay, so then if it doubles, it’s all good… right?  Right.  Well wait.  No.  My first positive beta doubled too, but just barely.  I need this one to do more than double.  What did the last one do?  Okay… so if after 48 hours my beta goes up to less than 63, I’ll ask for a repeat in another 48 hours.  The last time, I had reason to worry, and I want to know how much I should worry this time.  If the result is more than 72, I’ll feel comfortable, I think.  Then I can schedule an ultrasound and maybe not worry.  HAHA, of course I’ll worry, but maybe not as much?  OH MY GOD, I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING!!!!!!!!1111ASDFGAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!

And then you can see that the second beta was 87.  Almost triple in 48 hours.  And then the date for the ultrasound, given to me over the phone during that same call.

In the span of five minutes, I went from OMG PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY ALREADY, to HOLY BALLS I’M ACTUALLY PREGNANT!!! 

In the span of 72 hours I went from COME ON PEESTICK VOODOO, MAKE MY PERIOD START SO I CAN GET THIS OVER WITH ALREADY! to I MIGHT ACTUALLY GET A BABY OUT OF THIS PAST FIVE YEARS OF CRAP!!!

It was quite a wild couple of days last year, I can tell you that…

And here’s where we are today:

This little ham nugget is four months old.

She has my eyes and my heart.

I still can’t believe she’s mine…

Even now, a full year later, I sometimes have to pinch myself as a reminder that this is my LIFE.

And how sweet a life it is.