…And first of all, let me calm those of you who dread blogger pregnancy announcements by saying that NO, I am most definitely NOT PREGNANT.
The rest of the story is a little harder to explain, however.
I’ll be honest, I’ve felt very strange lately. I mean, I’m still part of the infertility community, but I feel like I’ve lost my mojo. I don’t feel like writing. I don’t feel like trying.
It’s not that I feel like quitting is on the horizon, either for blogging or for trying to conceive, but I feel very passive about both right now. Almost ambivalent.
Maybe I’ve just been on this journey too long… It will be five WHOLE years next month, after all.
Maybe I’m just tired. Tired of one thing defining me, tired of letting it rule my life… just tired.
Maybe I’m ready to stop focusing on me, and start focusing on others.
Maybe it’s time to use my powers for good.
I’ve been approved to form a Resolve support group here in my area (Toledo, Ohio, for those of you who may not know). I’m really excited to get started, and as soon as I find a location that will suit our needs, I’m going to get the group listed on the Resolve website. I’m also going to get some flyers made so I can advertise the group in some doctor’s offices here in the area.
I think this is a good step forward for me. I am ready to start listening more to others, helping them through their questions, frustrations, grief, and confusion. I’m ready to put my journey on the back burner, and focus on guiding others with my knowledge, experience, and compassion.
I think this is going to be just as helpful for me as it will be for the others who (I hope) will be joining the group. I honestly cannot wait to get started!
Now, if only the weather in the Midwest would start cooperating, I’d be able to get out there and find that dream location that has the perfect combination of privacy and public setting. Preferably with warm drinks and carby yum-yums readily available, but not obnoxiously so. 😉
And so, I guess that’s why I’ve been a little distant lately. I don’t know where I am on this journey any more, which sometimes makes me wonder WHO I am anymore…
Am I still actively trying to get pregnant? Yes… and then sometimes not really.
So am I still a TTCer? Yeah, I guess… but then am I still infertile? Yes, but if I’m not really focused on getting pregnant, does my fertility even matter?
Your guess is as good as mine.
All I really know is that I’ve been through the wringer in the past almost-five years. I’ve accumulated a lot of knowledge, both through experience, and through obsessive-compulsive research. I’ve always been drawn to helping others, so pursuing this support group setting is a natural fit for me.
My hope is that by directing my focus to helping others, that I will be forced to take my mind off my own body for a change. I think that’s what the acu-doc has wanted for me from day one, and I know that it’s something I really need now.
Not to fear, though… I’ll still be here, working on old blog drafts that I keep meaning to publish, stalking other bloggers’ pages and eagerly awaiting good news, and generally just being here for those of you who read and occasionally take the time to email or Facebook message me. I appreciate what blogging has brought to me, and the cheap therapy it doubles as in my life.
More than anything, I appreciate all of you who take the time to read, and who think of me from time to time. Thank you… You guys keep me going.
Oh, one last thing – if you, or someone you know, is in the Toledo, Ohio, area, and would like to become part of a general infertility support group, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I’ll update as soon as I have a location secured!