Fertile Vortex II: Return of the Baby Bumps

I don’t know about all of you, but it seems to me that things in life happen in big waves.

In my mid-twenties, my friends and I all started pairing off into more stable relationships… moving in together, joint checking accounts, co-pet-parenting, and all that jazz.

That was followed shortly thereafter with engagements.

Then bridal shower after bridal shower after bachelorette party.  Dress shopping, wedding planning, alterations, rehearsal dinners…

Weddings.  Upon WEDDINGS.  UPON WEDDINGS, OMG.  (Seriously, the year I got married, I was in three other weddings, attended five others, threw four bridal showers, two bachelorette parties, and that doesn’t even include the four bridal showers and bachelorette party of my OWN I attended.  GAH.)

I was on track with the curve of adulthood back then.  Everything in life was coming together, and my friends and close-in-age family members and I were all set to start moving onto the next step…


Of course, you’re here, reading this blog, so you know that this particular step is where the husband and I got a little hung up.

…And five years later, we still are.

So our friends and family members went on to start having their first babies.  That was the Great Baby Influx of 2009-2010.  It was a time whose insanity could only be rivaled by the Matrimonial Stampede of 2008.  It was a time of chaos and joy for all.

Well, most everyone.  We were of course very happy, but a little… put out, I suppose you could say, that our own baby influx was taking some time to ramp up.  Somehow though, as does life, the madness waned, and we were no longer drowning in newborn baby high tide.  We breathed a little easier, and got to work.

We survived those next three years by aggressively pursuing treatments, in a desperate attempt to catch up to those who had left us behind on the parenthood track.  You know the story… We tried, had a small success, but ultimately failed.

That brings us to now.

I have been feeling for some time that the tide is rising again… I think the time of the second (and in some cases, third or fourth) babies is upon us.  All beware the approach of the Fertile Vortex: Part Deux!  (starring Jake Gyllenhaal!)

Dun dun DUNNNN.

No, seriously.  People in my life are having second and third babies all over the place right now.  Even some of my fellow Infertiles are fighting their way out of secondary infertility and giving their first miracles a sibling or two!

Don’t get me wrong, babies are a blessing (and no offense, but the babes of Infertiles are an even slightly bigger blessing!), and good news is GREAT.

There are some of us, however, that can’t physically take good news without a healthy portion of sadness, though…

I wish I weren’t one of those people, but alas, this is the life I’ve been dealt.

As if you hadn’t had enough of my vague metaphors, I feel just like I’m afloat at sea with no view of the shore.  Every baby announcement that comes my way pokes a tiny hole in my boat, and I’m staring to lose hope that I’ll ever make it to dry land.  I fear some days that I may drown in good news.

I will end this morose entry just by saying this:  You guys, this blog, this blessed outlet… you all are my salvation in a rough and unforgiving sea.  Hope may not be visible some days, but because of you, I don’t feel so alone in my struggle for survival.

I’ll make it.  We all will.


18 comments on “Fertile Vortex II: Return of the Baby Bumps

  1. Danielle Pratt
    January 21, 2014 at 9:59 am #

    This is exactly how I’ve been feeling lately. I left the country to escape and I’m still getting announcement upon announcement. I’m happy, really, but like you said, each announcement is just a pinprick in my boat.

    I’m so glad to have found this blog, though! You make me smile through the sadness.

    It’s nice to know we aren’t alone on our ship.


    • Natalie
      January 21, 2014 at 10:49 am #

      This will happen for us too!! I’ve been in the ‘trenches’ for 2 years now. My miscarriage was exactly 2 years ago. But I am working on being more positive in 2014. I have a laparoscopy booked in for Thursday and I hope they will uncover a reason for my ‘unexplained infertility’.
      We will reach that shore and lie on that beach…and we will deserve a cocktail when we do!


      • Natalie
        January 26, 2014 at 6:12 pm #

        Ok- not feeling so optimistic now. A good friend of mine just told me she’s expecting in July. She only got married in October!! I hate myself for thinking this but I seriously wish everyone could experience infertility for a while. Ideally with the result being to shorten the length of time that all of us have to experience it. Would that not be a little fairer?! If God were a woman….


      • Ceeceeohplaymate
        January 30, 2014 at 10:57 pm #

        I have often thought everyone should have to experience infertility- like an application process. You should have to provide references and wait to be approved! 🙂
        I think infertility has made me much more aware of the gravity of parenthood, the miracle of life and the secret struggles of others. I like to think it’s making us better people and future parents.


  2. Rose
    January 21, 2014 at 11:07 am #

    Not sure if you’ve already tried this, but I have found it tremendously helpful to avoid facebook and all but a few (lucky you!) blogs. It has helped tremendously. I was feeling so low for awhile that even hearing about a celebrity being pregnant was enough to sink my ship.

    So yeah, basically avoidance and trying to focus on what I have in life instead of what I don’t have, has helped me a bit. On days I’m feeling extremely low, I like to remind myself that adoption is an option. Sure, it may be a longer path and a more expensive one, but ultimately the end result is the same… a family.


  3. Jenn
    January 21, 2014 at 12:31 pm #

    Just keep swimming!!! 🙂


  4. conceptionsbitch
    January 21, 2014 at 12:37 pm #

    1. Your name for this phenomenon is amazing.
    2. I feel your pain. And also your hope.


  5. lucy50
    January 21, 2014 at 3:25 pm #

    It does happen in waves, doesn’t it? I’m sorry this wave is a tide of fertiles.


  6. mylifeasacasestudy
    January 21, 2014 at 6:58 pm #

    Oh! I was just about to compose a post about all the recent pregnancy announcements! Yeah, it sucks. XO


  7. B
    January 21, 2014 at 10:29 pm #

    I’ll be here to patch you up when you need it. Holding hope for you when your hope cup is running low. ❤


  8. jj
    January 21, 2014 at 10:36 pm #

    I woke up on New Years morning with a personal email pregnancy announcement from a distant friend in whom I’d be confiding about the difficult fertility journey that we’ve had over the last 12 months. And this weekend we politely declined – and lied – to our friends about why we couldn’t attend their pre-baby party. I am happy for them, but I certainly cannot handle that kind of celebration at the moment. Like others here, I console myself by saying that if it doesn’t happen for us, we can adopt, and will therefore have a family no matter what. The thing is, like most of the women who have commented, it’s so painful to look around and think: Why do I seem to be the last womb standing? Thank g-d for my amazing husband and my own positive outlook. This is a new year to be excited about.


    • Ceeceeohplaymate
      January 30, 2014 at 10:54 pm #

      Oh the personal email… It’s much better than hearing in public where you’re reaction is noted- but it’s still difficult, especially on holidays!
      Last womb standing. LOL. Love it.


  9. Heather
    January 22, 2014 at 6:23 am #

    There is something about that pregnancy announcement that really sucks. Sending love. I have been lucky to have one, I hope I have another, but will have to make peace with it if I don’t. I consider my one a miracle!


  10. Liz
    January 22, 2014 at 5:19 pm #

    Thank you for your strong endurance and encouraging blog. It is so nice to hear your strength and know that we are not alone in this. Infertility has been especially difficult for me lately as this wave of fertile friends give life. We are happy, but there is sadness. You know what? I am tired of feeling guilty over the sadness and jealousy I feel. It is okay to feel sad, it is nothing personal. Anyone with the slightest bit of empathy would know that. Whew. I feel better for now, thank you!


  11. zygotta
    January 24, 2014 at 9:10 am #

    people around me are having babies
    or getting divorced 😦


  12. Ceeceeohplaymate
    January 30, 2014 at 10:51 pm #

    You are me and I am you.

    It’s comforting to hear so many in my “boat”.

    Even though I experienced a so-far-success, (Following IVF in December, I’m pregnant- for now) I still mourn with you.

    We chose IVF after 4 years of unexplained fertility madness. I had 2 friends tell me they were pregnant on Mother’s Day (of all the blasted, awful days for infertile women!) It was literally the last straw. I was done feeling sad, jealous, making excuses, feigning happiness through my tears- we made the leap and right now, I couldn’t be more grateful we did.

    We may never know why our egg and sperm met consistently hundreds of times in my body and decided to snub one another- but I’m so grateful that in a well lit lab at an unknown technician’s hand they decided they liked each other.

    We implanted 2 and both decided to make a home. I’m having twins. All the waiting just may be worth it- we’ll get 2 siblings in one shot which will almost catch us up to some of my friends who got married AFTER we began trying and are pregnant with their 3rd. 🙂 It’s hard not to think that way as petty as it sounds.

    Hang in there! Honestly, I can say if you want to be a parent, you really will- someday, some way.


  13. A Morning Grouch
    February 12, 2014 at 7:44 pm #

    It is the rising time of baby bumps, isn’t it? I feel guilty at times, knowing I’m one of them. :/ Hang in there.


    • Tracy
      February 13, 2014 at 8:29 am #

      I don’t think anyone should feel guilty for getting – and staying – pregnant… especially not someone who’s been in the trenches with the rest of us! ❤

      Still though, it's a noticeably large number of current pregnancies, right? It's not just my friends and family – I'm hearing it from lots of others, too! Whatever's in everyone's water, I NEED SOME! 😉


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