Month: January 2014
Status

Fertile Vortex II: Return of the Baby Bumps

I don’t know about all of you, but it seems to me that things in life happen in big waves.

In my mid-twenties, my friends and I all started pairing off into more stable relationships… moving in together, joint checking accounts, co-pet-parenting, and all that jazz.

That was followed shortly thereafter with engagements.

Then bridal shower after bridal shower after bachelorette party.  Dress shopping, wedding planning, alterations, rehearsal dinners…

Weddings.  Upon WEDDINGS.  UPON WEDDINGS, OMG.  (Seriously, the year I got married, I was in three other weddings, attended five others, threw four bridal showers, two bachelorette parties, and that doesn’t even include the four bridal showers and bachelorette party of my OWN I attended.  GAH.)

I was on track with the curve of adulthood back then.  Everything in life was coming together, and my friends and close-in-age family members and I were all set to start moving onto the next step…

Babies.

Of course, you’re here, reading this blog, so you know that this particular step is where the husband and I got a little hung up.

…And five years later, we still are.

So our friends and family members went on to start having their first babies.  That was the Great Baby Influx of 2009-2010.  It was a time whose insanity could only be rivaled by the Matrimonial Stampede of 2008.  It was a time of chaos and joy for all.

Well, most everyone.  We were of course very happy, but a little… put out, I suppose you could say, that our own baby influx was taking some time to ramp up.  Somehow though, as does life, the madness waned, and we were no longer drowning in newborn baby high tide.  We breathed a little easier, and got to work.

We survived those next three years by aggressively pursuing treatments, in a desperate attempt to catch up to those who had left us behind on the parenthood track.  You know the story… We tried, had a small success, but ultimately failed.

That brings us to now.

I have been feeling for some time that the tide is rising again… I think the time of the second (and in some cases, third or fourth) babies is upon us.  All beware the approach of the Fertile Vortex: Part Deux!  (starring Jake Gyllenhaal!)

Dun dun DUNNNN.

No, seriously.  People in my life are having second and third babies all over the place right now.  Even some of my fellow Infertiles are fighting their way out of secondary infertility and giving their first miracles a sibling or two!

Don’t get me wrong, babies are a blessing (and no offense, but the babes of Infertiles are an even slightly bigger blessing!), and good news is GREAT.

There are some of us, however, that can’t physically take good news without a healthy portion of sadness, though…

I wish I weren’t one of those people, but alas, this is the life I’ve been dealt.

As if you hadn’t had enough of my vague metaphors, I feel just like I’m afloat at sea with no view of the shore.  Every baby announcement that comes my way pokes a tiny hole in my boat, and I’m staring to lose hope that I’ll ever make it to dry land.  I fear some days that I may drown in good news.

I will end this morose entry just by saying this:  You guys, this blog, this blessed outlet… you all are my salvation in a rough and unforgiving sea.  Hope may not be visible some days, but because of you, I don’t feel so alone in my struggle for survival.

I’ll make it.  We all will.

 

Status

In The Works…

I like ellipses.

They create drama, suspense… sexual tension, perhaps?

Anyway, I didn’t use the ellipsis in the title of this post for any of those reasons.  It was just my natural inclination to taper off a phrase like “in the works…”

I know.  I’m weird.  It’s kind of my thing.  Sorry I’m not sorry.

So, what’s in the works for me, you may be asking?

A few things, actually!

First on my list – community involvement.  I’m working through the details of possibly creating a local infertility support group.  Recently, I’d been thinking that I could really benefit from interacting with people outside of my usual bubble of IRL and online Infertility-Friends, but when I went to look for a local group in this area… Nada.

There are some in other larger cities nearby, but nothing that wouldn’t require at least a half hour plus drive to get there.  Boo.

And so, I started looking into the process of starting my own.  I mean, I know a lot of people here in the Toledo area who are going through infertility treatments, medical testing, and all sorts of other things, and I can’t help but wonder if maybe they wouldn’t benefit from the option of some face-to-face support, too.

I am excited about the prospect, and will definitely update here when/if this thing gets off the ground!

Let’s see… what else?

It’s been nearly three weeks since my last confession blog post… Forgive me!  There really hasn’t been anything major happening in that time, to be honest.  I don’t have much of an excuse for not updating the blog.  It’s been cold and snowy here in Northwest Ohio, and I’ve been hibernating as much as possible.  I’ve also been working a TON, which is a nice change from the slow pace of the office in December.

All of these things have led me to just sort of… chill out.  Which is good; it’s something I’ve been trying to do more of, honestly.  I need to learn to relax, and I’m starting to get the hang of it.  There is still some anxiety in my life, and I’m working through it, but overall, I think I’m starting to manage stress a little better than I have in the past.  Nerves no longer keep me bed- (and bathroom-) ridden, so that’s also a nice change.

(By the way, sometimes for me, chilling out involves reading a good book, which I do often.  Occasionally, it involves binge-watching a TV show.  From beginning to end.  In one week.  I just did that with Breaking Bad, and let me tell you this:  that show is not great for relaxation, in case anyone was wondering if meth production and family/legal drama/chaos would put them in a state of zen.  #TheMoreYouKnow)

Oh!  I’ve had some things change with Dr. McStabby and some new things in store for my TCM and acupuncture treatments, which I’ll update in another post.  I will just say here that I’m happy with the direction things are taking, even if I’m not totally happy with the way my body is responding 100% of the time.  I feel that I’m being heard, and that my concerns are met with interest, and that they are handled quickly and appropriately.  That makes all the difference in the world, and some of my past RE’s could take a page from that book.

Hmm… any other updates I can share?

Well, I’m not pregnant.  That I know of, of course.  Ha.  I’m being very consistent with my herbs, and slightly less consistent with my vitamins and supplements.  I’m trying, but sometimes I forget.

DAMMIT.  Like right now!  Hang on… have to take a few pills.

Seriously.  I need to set a phone alarm or something… Anyway, I’ve been working on being better about that.  There are certain supplements that should be taken certain times in a day, and I try to make sure I’m doing that.  I fail sometimes, and that’s okay.

I’ve managed to gain some weight, which is nice.  Not a whole lot, just a few pounds, but it’s making a difference that I can see and feel.  I know part of that is due to some help on McStabby’s part, but part of it is because I’ve been less strict with my diet in the past two months.

I’m no longer restricting any gluten, and I’ve added dairy back in, in a big way.  I would like to eventually get most dairy out of my diet altogether, but for now, the added fat from raw, organic whole milk, cheeses, and yogurt is really good for me.  I switched to Irish butter, organic and grass-fed, a while back, and I couldn’t be happier.  I’m using coconut oil whenever possible as well, so there are plenty of healthy fats being consumed.

As for gluten, while I was avoiding it, I didn’t notice much – if any – changes.  I am clearly not intolerant in any way, and I figure as long as I’m doing my best to pursue organic, non-GMO sources, it’s a good thing for me (and my weight).

I’ve been holding my own with sugar-consumption, too.  I do still have a bit of chocolate here and there, and I put honey in my chai in the morning.  I’ll even have a (organic cane sugar, no-HFCS) orange pop now and then.  It’s not so bad, really.

So, honestly, that’s about it.  I’ll update again soon on the changes I’m making in my TCM treatment, but other than that, I’m just here… maintaining.  I hope you are all doing the same, staying warm if it’s winter where you are (and staying cool if you’re Down Under!), and enjoying life for all the quirks and oddities it throws your way.

Take care, friends.  🙂

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Oh, one last thing:  When I was Googling earlier, I came across this animation completely by mistake, and I found it fascinating.  So here.  Enjoy, and maybe learn something today, especially since this blog post was more word-dump than informational or entertaining.  😉

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