Status

One Healthy Month

Sunday, September 29th, 2013.  CD30, 11DPO.

 

Hello, my friends.  🙂

I know it’s been quiet here, and I do feel a little badly about that.

I mean, it’s not like I think there’s anyone out there in Reader-land going “Oh sweet tap-dancin’ Jesus, what’s going on with Tracy??  I haven’t heard any TMI from her in AGES!  I hope everything’s okay!”

Well, in case there really is anyone thinking that, I’m here to reassure you, my one worrisome reader, that yes.  All is well here.

I also feel a little bad for the off-the-radar-ness of late, because I know that sometimes when mouthy infertility bloggers get quiet, it’s because they are harboring a fertile little secret.

Well, I’m also here to reassure you all that NO, I am not harboring any kind of alien creature in the depths of my pelvis.

As a matter of fact, I’m expecting good ol’ Aunt Flo to show up any day now.  There is one hundred and eleventy-nine percent chance that I am not pregnant, so please don’t be suspicious of my lack of communication…

However, let it never be said that I fail to update my loyal readership, and in that spirit, please enjoy the following review of the past month of acupuncture, TCM, and diet and lifestyle changes made per The Infertility Cure:

1.  I feel… better.  My digestion seems to be improved, and I attribute that to eliminating certain things like dairy, gluten, and sugar.  I’m also less bloated, less fatigued, and I wake up feeling more rested.

2.  I’m allowing myself to cheat.  As a rule, I don’t eat the above mentioned items, but I do allow myself to have a little of each thing now and then.  I’ve also taken to having the occasional glass of wine or hard cider (gluten-free, of course!) once in a while.  Nothing extreme, but a little chocolate after dinner won’t ruin all the progress I’ve made so far.

3.  I’m getting my life back.  I really do feel like even though I’ve undertaken some somewhat strict dietary and lifestyle changes, these adjustments are becoming part of my life, and not ruling it.  I’m no longer limited by having to work around appointments for blood work or ultrasounds constantly, and I actually enjoy my weekly acupuncture treatments.  I am able to see friends, and the husband and I can go out and do things when we want to, without having to plan around medications or appointments.

4.  I’m less obsessive.  This one I feel is the most remarkable difference, and one that can’t be contributed to anything but some sort of emotional shift within myself.  I did slip a bit and have been recording my temps again, rather than just letting Dr. McStabby have control over those, but I think I needed the buffer month to get used to the idea of letting it go.  I still write the temps down to bring to him, so it’s really hard for me not to notice a shift after having done this for so long.  I don’t spend all day submitting queries to Dr. Google, and I feel like I have more faith in the process than I ever have before.

More importantly, I have more faith in my body than ever before.  I feel like the changes that I’m making, and the good fuel I’m putting in every day, are really going to make a difference in the output I experience.  I’m already seeing those differences in my digestion and my energy levels, and I think it’s only a matter of time before other systems start to fall in line.  The hormonal system is the one that’s been impacted the most by years of general neglect and abuse, and so it only reasons that it will take the longest to come around.  I know it will, though.

5.  I’m focusing outward for a change.  For the past five years, I’ve been so focused on every little twinge or poke inside of myself, that it became consistently  harder to really have room for anything going on around me that didn’t have directly to do with my reproductive system.  That’s a fail as a wife, a kid, a friend, and as a person.  There’s so much going on in the world today that I can be a part of, and instead I’ve chosen to just focus on my empty uterus for so long.  I want to change that, and I’m trying to make a concerted effort every day.

One thing I’m doing is working with my amazing friend who had an idea to donate to RESOLVE.  You can read my previous post for details, but the gist of it is that if you buy some pretty goodies, all proceeds will be donated to supporting women with infertility.  That’s a direct impact.  I’m part of it, and you can be too.  Simple as that.

I’m also trying to be more involved with the people in my life.  It can be hard not to take things personally sometimes, and depending on your situation, you may feel a sense of personal betrayal when someone else, just living their life, does something you can’t do.

My coworker got a promotion, and I didn’t; dubya-tee-eff, mate?  Why not me??  My friend is pregnant – again – and I can’t even have ONE baby!  I feel so left out!!  My whole Facebook page is covered with pictures of my friends’ 5k races, and I’m told not to do too much because it’s not healthy for me to lose weight!  Why can’t I do what normal people my age are doing??

That kind of attitude has been getting me exactly nowhere but miserable for years.

No more.  I’m done.

Life is short, and if you have good people in it, then you’re one of the lucky ones.  Remember that they are in your life by choice, too.

Didn’t get a promotion?  Oh well.  Did you really want that particular job anyway?  Maybe there’s something else you’d rather be doing… maybe you should pitch your ideas to someone who can help you make a big difference, rather than take a tiny stair-step to middle management hell… Maybe something better is in store, and maybe you can make a difference for all of your coworkers by stepping up and saying something.

Not pregnant – again?  Boo-frickety-hoo.  It’s not like this is your first infertile rodeo, sister.  Get back up on that horse like you’ve done month after month for years.  And in the meantime, maybe that friend with two kids really needs some support, but is afraid to ask for it – especially from you.  You make that mommy a casserole, put on your big girl panties, and go hold that baby while she takes her first shower in a week.  You can cry when you get home, but it’s better to have been a friend have something to feel good about, than to have stayed at home and wallowed in your self-pity.  Plus, you now have leftover casserole.  WIN.

Can’t run a 5k?  Dude, really?  Are you sad about this?  Who likes to get sweaty?  Plus there’s the risk of thigh-friction-burn… Ew.  Instead, volunteer to pass out water to the runners, and after the race, you can take your runner-friends to get cheesecake.  You can always do some low-impact yoga when you get home, and how you’ve not only donated your time, been able to hang with friends while doing it, AND had cheesecake, but you can feel good about yourself, too.

I guess what I’m saying is that I’ve come to this insane epiphany that life isn’t revolving around ME, oddly enough.  Nor my uterus.  Weird, right?

I’m doing more, giving more, and getting more than ever, just by moving my focus outward.  I highly suggest giving it a try.  🙂

So anyway, that’s me.  It’s been quiet here, but only because I’ve been keeping busy with things that maybe have less to do with my reproductive system, and to be honest, it’s felt good.

Whenever Auntie shows up, that will conclude the first full cycle of TCM I’ve had so far, and to be honest, I feel better in so many ways.  I feel good about my life, and about those in it – you included – and while life may take me away from blogging from time to time, it’s really a healthy step for me.

Despite my occasional absence here, I do still read, listen, and observe.  You are all in my thoughts and prayers, and though I’m trying to keep my own fertility-challenged-ness off my radar, your struggles are always on my mind and in my heart.

Thank you all for stopping by, checking in, and thinking of me, too!

I shall love you all forever and always, and if the zombie apocalypse truly does occur, you can all come hide in my basement for at least the first week.  When the canned goods run out, though, all bets are off.  🙂

Have a fantastic week, my friends!

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11 comments on “One Healthy Month

  1. LJ
    September 29, 2013 at 1:49 pm #

    Proud of you! 🙂

    Like

  2. lucy50
    September 29, 2013 at 10:48 pm #

    This was very inspiring to read considering I went to a baby shower today. I was strong and good all day. I didn’t break down and cry at any point today. I cooed at the gifts, took pictures, and was hopeful when I had a private conversation with a friend about my infertility treatment.

    I know what you mean about the letting go for awhile. I let go of the idea of natural conception over the summer. I was just done with it. I was done with counting and hoping and finally made an appointment with an RE.I was relieved to be taking a proactive step. But now I’m starting all the meds and the appointments and yes, I’m stressed about it. Stressed, stressed, which isn’t good for anyone.

    Like

    • Tracy
      October 7, 2013 at 4:47 pm #

      Hi Lucy, thanks so much for stopping in! You’re so strong to be able to handle all of that during a baby shower! I still struggle with showers, but I’m getting better…

      There’s a huge “letting go” aspect with infertility, isn’t there? I had to let go of the thought that I’d ever be able to discover I was pregnant on my own, rather than a doctor calling to tell me yes or no. It’s the little things that you don’t think about that hurt the most sometimes.

      And yes – stress is bad, but stress is a way of life with infertility! I guess all you can do is deal with the stress the best you can, and do what you can do to eliminate whatever’s leftover. Easier said than done, huh? 😛

      Best of luck to you, friend! XOXO

      Like

  3. Rose
    September 30, 2013 at 10:10 pm #

    I’m a first time reader and just wanted to say hello! It’s so comforting to know I’m not alone in this experience (I know. I know. Insert cliche). Anyway, I’m actually in southern Ohio so I’ll send you some good vibes up North. Here’s to hoping we both end up on the other side one of these days!

    Like

    • Tracy
      October 7, 2013 at 4:43 pm #

      Hi fellow Ohioan! I know exactly what you mean about the isolation that comes with infertility… Sometimes just knowing that someone going through the same thing as you is in the same STATE makes you feel better about it, LOL.

      Thanks so much for stopping by, and I wish you the very best on your journey! XOXO

      Like

  4. Alex
    October 5, 2013 at 11:25 pm #

    I just came across your blog but this was just the post I needed to read – I’ve been having a really hard time finding my path to a healthier lifestyle while we look for a new RE, and this was the perfect motivation! I’ll be following along 🙂

    Like

    • Tracy
      October 7, 2013 at 4:42 pm #

      Hi Alex, thanks so much for stopping by! I know what you mean about the lack of motivation to be healthier… It took me a very long time to get to this point – obviously! – but now that I’m taking better care of myself, I feel SO much better.

      I also truly believe that what you put in your body can help heal your body. I know there’s a serious need for infertility treatments, and I may still have more, but we can do so much to help those treatments succeed!

      Thanks again for commenting, and I will be following your story as well! XOXO

      Like

      • Alex
        October 7, 2013 at 6:59 pm #

        You’re so totally right. I have to admit that I have a lot of trepidation with IVF, but part of it is definitely because I feel like: how can I justify spending so much money when I’m not making a concerted effort for my overall health? So while we’re saving up, trying to come up with a plan and find a new RE at some point in the foreseeable future, I’m going to try my darndest to stop being a wuss and actually COMMIT to taking care of myself 🙂 🙂

        Like

  5. A Morning Grouch
    October 7, 2013 at 9:35 pm #

    I actually WAS wondering how you are doing! Glad to see all the positives – that’s what life is all about, my dear. Gotta take care of you before you can even think abou taking care of someone else, right?!

    Like

  6. Lo
    October 8, 2013 at 11:55 pm #

    Just wanted to let you know that I cried myself to sleep tonight at 7:30 over dumb infertility stuff, only to wake up at 10:30…and now I can’t sleep. I found your blog through the Resolve website this morning, and kept coming back to it throughout the day. I never committed fully to reading an entire post until just now. Blame my undiagnosed and untreated ADD. 😉 Anyway….here I was, sad over stupid infertility shit, and this post totally resonated with me. I copy and pasted this part of it, and saved it in the notes section on my phone…

    “I guess what I’m saying is that I’ve come to this insane epiphany that life isn’t revolving around ME, oddly enough. Nor my uterus. Weird, right?

    I’m doing more, giving more, and getting more than ever, just by moving my focus outward. I highly suggest giving it a try.”

    I too recently decided to move my focus. I started volunteering a little. No, I’m not Mother Theresa by any means (well maybe I am a little–kidding)….but I am getting over myself a bit. And it’s helping. Even if I did get sad tonight. Hey. It’s not something I can magically move past overnight. But I am gradually getting better. And I like that. Thanks for providing me with more of a push to change my outlook. Your blog blessed me so much tonight.

    Like

    • Tracy
      October 9, 2013 at 8:45 am #

      Lo… wow. Thank you for your amazingly kind words, and I’m so glad that my thoughts resonated with you! I think we’re all on similar journeys, though we may not be synced up day to day. That’s a big part of the reason why I blog – sometimes I need to revisit where I was at one point, just to appreciate where I am now. I can see that where I was at one point or another can also ring true with people just tuning in, and that’s very gratifying. 🙂

      It’s totally okay to be sad about stupid infertility shit. Or mad. Or f*cking PISSED. The point is not to let it rule you. One night? Sure, no problem in wallowing a bit for a few hours… Just don’t let it take over your whole life. It seems like you’re on the right path, and I hope and pray that infertility doesn’t prevent you from building the kind of amazing life that a baby will fit right into someday very soon.

      Thank you, again, so much… XOXO

      Like

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