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Twist of the Knife

*Warning*

I’m going to go all whiny, dramatic, “woe is me”, bitchy bitchfest in this post. 

I’ll feel better about life tomorrow, but today?

Today sucks and I hate it and I’m going to vent.

You’ve been warned.

For the past two weeks, I’ve been working on a proposal at work.  It’s not part of my current job, but something I’ve been putting together in my down moments.  I’m proposing a new position within the company entirely, something I would build from the ground up.

Something I would create, mother, and love.

And hopefully something for which I will get paid a smidge more than I do now…

Now, aside from that, there’s been some changes in the office.  I have a new boss as of about two weeks ago as well, and I’m nervous about pitching such a large thing to her, considering that we haven’t worked together long, and I have a hard time reading her.

Regardless of the office upheaval and hesitancy I initially felt with the changes, I set up a meeting date with my new boss last week to go over my proposal.

It took some balls on my part to even set the meeting, honestly… I figured I’d just get into her office, hand her my well-organized agenda, and hopefully black out, waking up to find that I’d rocked the meeting and was now the Vice President of Something or Another.

That meeting was cancelled because of some Unavoidable Office Logistics issues.  I promptly rescheduled it for two days later.

That meeting was cancelled because of another Unavoidable Event.  To her credit, New Boss tried to reschedule for that afternoon, but couldn’t because I was leaving work early to attend The Most Disappointing Pre-Op Surgical Consult in History.

The meeting was then rescheduled a third time, for today.

I couldn’t sleep last night.  I was wired, having put some last minute tweaks on my proposal which included stats and numbers and effing spectacular data that no manager could possibly deny was useful and worthy of raises and vacation days and promotions.  Obviously.

I had picked out my outfit over a week ago – a brand new blazer, flattering t-shirt, and an only-vaguely Harry Potter themed lightning bolt necklace, and my bright red, five inch Self-Esteem Heels.

I made my breakfast for this morning ahead of time, so that I would be able to concentrate on my proposal and not on my stomach.

I got up this morning, showered, put on makeup with extra care, and curled my hair.  I put on my carefully planned outfit, grabbed my pre-made breakfast, and headed out the door, ready to rock this thing.

I got to my desk in a great mood, despite feeling the effects of a lack of sleep and some residual anxiety about my meeting.

But then a Series of Painful Ironies began to play out…

The office receptionist is like twelve months pregnant.  Or nine.  Whatever.  She’s a lovely girl, and the sweetest thing in the whole world, and I feel like she’s been pregnant FOR-EVV-ERRR.

For whatever reason, no replacement for her has been identified as of yet, but maternity coverage has been in the works for a few weeks.

She had her baby this morning, leaving the front desk unmanned.

I’ve been asked to fill in.  Apparently there is no one else.

Also, New Boss had Something Unavoidable come up, and won’t be here to meet with me today.  Again.

So not only am I not going to be able to pitch my ideas again, I’m feeling rather like I’ve received a demotion… Not that there’s anything wrong with being a receptionist – I’ve done it a time or two myself! – and while I am always happy to help out around the office with whatever comes up, it makes it hard to handle while I am sitting on these Big Plans of Mine.

Oh, and here’s the other thing.

This receptionist desk is covered with wedding, ultrasound, and maternity photos of the previous occupant.

All of these photos were taken within the last nine months.  Including the wedding photos.  I’m pretty sure she got pregnant her wedding night.  We are the same age.  Blerg.

Again, lovely girl, a friend to all – including myself, mad props to her fertile girl-parts, but DUDE.

So here I sit, staring at someone else’s successes while I wallow in my own self-pity.

I feel like this is yet another way that life is punishing me for my inability to procreate.

Oh, you’re cranky, barren, and would like a promotion?

How’s about you go sit at a desk where you’re expected to smile all the time, do a job that no one else wants to do, look at ultrasound photos that depress the shit out of you, and answer the “Ohhhh!  Did she have her baby??” question all day.  How’s that sound?

Oh, and if one more person says to me “Hey, are you the new receptionist?  I thought they were hiring someone!”, I’m going to start ramming my head into a wall.

Needless to say, I’m more than a little put out.

I’m feeling a bit like Milton today.

Someone took my stapler, moved me to the basement, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they just stopped paying me.

Okay.  Not really.  I’m being crazy and dramatic, and life isn’t all THAT bad, but you get the idea.

GAH.

DRAMATICS.

TANTRUMS.

BOO!!

End rant.

Apologies for the lack of happy, sunshiny, glass is still half full even tough a bird crapped in it, positive mental attitude today.

I’ll be better tomorrow.

I promise.

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15 comments on “Twist of the Knife

  1. damelapin
    July 29, 2013 at 10:29 am #

    arrrgghhhhh. THIS, is a very bad day… I totally feel your pain. Hopefully, tomorrow will be better, and you’ll be able to laugh about that. xxx

    Like

  2. notwhenbutif
    July 29, 2013 at 10:46 am #

    What a total shitstorm of craptacularness! I may be tempted to start using my self-esteem heels to deface said pictures and ultrasounds… I’ve embraced my inner bitter barren bitchiness…

    Like

  3. nonsequiturchica
    July 29, 2013 at 11:14 am #

    That sucks! Could you ask to share the receptionist duties with someone else until they hire someone? How are you getting any work done?

    I hope you can have your meeting with your new boss soon to knock her socks off!

    Like

  4. Kitten
    July 29, 2013 at 12:23 pm #

    I’m sorry you’re having such a suck-tastic day (weeks… months…) Maybe you would feel better if all those photos accidentally caught fire… or fell into drawer. I hope your tomorrow is better.

    Like

  5. ~kboo
    July 29, 2013 at 12:30 pm #

    Wow, with your warning message, I expected a much different post. You are not being whiney or bitchy, you have every reason to be upset. Maybe next time you have 30 seconds with your boss you could kindly but firmly ask when you can schedule a time to meet with her that won’t get canceled. That you have put a lot of time and effort in what you want to share. While giving a look that adds, and I want to be treated with respect and professional courtesy. Try not to add “you b!tch” at the end. 🙂
    Maybe before regular work hours or after?

    Like

  6. LJ
    July 29, 2013 at 12:48 pm #

    The thing I love about days like that is there’s always a completely opposite, awesome day right around the corner. Of course it still hurts but just wait for it! 🙂

    Like

  7. Susy_Sama
    July 29, 2013 at 1:17 pm #

    Some days I too believe God has a twisted sene of humor =S Hang in there!!! ❤

    Like

  8. Katie
    July 29, 2013 at 1:22 pm #

    Could be a top ten worst day ever. Big time suck ola….ugh.

    Like

  9. For Love and Travel
    July 29, 2013 at 1:55 pm #

    Oh man that stinks. For your proposal I would say don’t give up. If you believe in it then stick with it. Sorry for your awful day wish it would have gone the way you wanted it.

    Like

  10. Kelly
    July 29, 2013 at 4:07 pm #

    Please excuse me while I go find my jaw. It dropped a while back.

    .
    .
    .
    .
    Yikes that sucks!!!! Aside from all the fertility stuff, I HATE when I’m asked to play secretary too. Especially since I have no idea how to answer the phone half the time. The baby component is definitely twisting the knife. I’m sorry 😦

    Like

  11. newtoivf
    July 29, 2013 at 5:02 pm #

    Ahhh man that is shit-house. Hoping it gets better tomorrow

    Like

  12. Kelly A.
    July 29, 2013 at 7:01 pm #

    Please don’t change a word. It was perfect

    Like

  13. Tracy
    July 29, 2013 at 8:38 pm #

    You guys are just the BEST, you know that?

    Thanks for not judging me for my little case of the Mondays. I really am much better now, and I know that there is NO one out to get me, avoiding me, punishing me, rubbing my infertility in my face, or trying to keep me from succeeding.

    Sometimes things happen, sometimes they happen all at once, and sometimes it seems like they all happen to the same person. I realize that I may have just needed that word-vomit therapy in order to come to grips with things not going my way, which, let’s face it, I really don’t like. 😉

    I’m better now. It was a bad day, not a bad life. Thanks for being mah peeps in feast and famine. 🙂

    Like

  14. Emily
    July 30, 2013 at 11:19 am #

    I love your blog. I can’t tell you how many of my friends, colleagues and people I go to church, etc with are pregnant. They are everywhere, while my man and I have been trying for forever. I am not a jealous person, thank God- but it still hurts. It’s always in my face and it’s so hard . I hear you, and I don’t mind the bit hfest. Get it out girl!!! ❤❤😘

    Like

  15. No Baby Ruth
    July 31, 2013 at 3:52 am #

    If I remember correctly, Milton ends up chilling on a beach with a cocktail, so…

    In all seriousness, this blows. I’d still fight to get that proposal in. And don’t feel too much like you’ve been demoted. They asked you to fill in because you’re responsible and they can count on you.

    Hide the pics and bitch all you want!!

    Like

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