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Poetry For the Aunt You Love to Hate

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Haiku For My Shedding Uterus

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Holiday of love

Emotions flowing freely

Also flowing: blood

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Punctuate with care;

This, and grammar, are crucial.

F*cking period.

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***

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Ode to the Medicated Cycle

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There was a determined young lady,

Who very much wanted a baby.

But there were only ten days

In her luteal phase,

And the meds made her go batshit crazy.

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***

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A Sonnet: In Appreciation of My Heating Pad

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My heating pad is what I love the most.

It soothes my muscles when I’m feeling tense,

And heats me up like I’m a damn rib roast.

Clearly it’s worth the very small expense.

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I bought it one day because I hurt my back,

I liked that I could use it dry or damp.

At times, my muscles still get out of whack,

But mostly it alleviates my cramps.

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Its warm embrace helps keep my pain in check,

Without it, I’d perhaps be homicidal.

Today though, I’m a menstruating wreck;

I guess I’ll just stay home and take some Midol.

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***

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So, yeah.

Suck on THAT, Shakespeare.

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Oh, and Happy Valentine’s Day.

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I hope Cupid has more up his sleeve for you and yours than he did for me and mine.

I mean, I know I can’t be the only one who prefers chocolate, roses, and a night in with their lover to tampons, pain killers, and the company of cats and crap TV.

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Can you feel the love tonight?  😉

5 comments on “Poetry For the Aunt You Love to Hate

  1. Jessica
    February 15, 2013 at 8:23 am #

    I especially liked the poem where you ended with meds that make you go batshit crazy. That’s me so I can relate. Sorry to hear your Valentine’s Day wasn’t what you were hoping for. Here’s hoping that this Aunt is your last Aunt for many many many months. Hugs!!!!

    Like

  2. nonsequiturchica
    February 15, 2013 at 11:48 am #

    These are great!

    Like

  3. Theresa
    February 15, 2013 at 2:52 pm #

    BAHAH! I’m sorry for your period, but your poems are a riot!

    Like

  4. A Morning Grouch
    February 15, 2013 at 6:46 pm #

    omg the haiku is FABULOUS!!!

    Like

  5. dspence
    February 22, 2013 at 10:42 am #

    AHAHAHAHA!!!! Love these!

    Like

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