Poetry For the Aunt You Love to Hate

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Haiku For My Shedding Uterus

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Holiday of love

Emotions flowing freely

Also flowing: blood

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Punctuate with care;

This, and grammar, are crucial.

F*cking period.

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***

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Ode to the Medicated Cycle

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There was a determined young lady,

Who very much wanted a baby.

But there were only ten days

In her luteal phase,

And the meds made her go batshit crazy.

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***

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A Sonnet: In Appreciation of My Heating Pad

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My heating pad is what I love the most.

It soothes my muscles when I’m feeling tense,

And heats me up like I’m a damn rib roast.

Clearly it’s worth the very small expense.

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I bought it one day because I hurt my back,

I liked that I could use it dry or damp.

At times, my muscles still get out of whack,

But mostly it alleviates my cramps.

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Its warm embrace helps keep my pain in check,

Without it, I’d perhaps be homicidal.

Today though, I’m a menstruating wreck;

I guess I’ll just stay home and take some Midol.

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***

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So, yeah.

Suck on THAT, Shakespeare.

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Oh, and Happy Valentine’s Day.

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I hope Cupid has more up his sleeve for you and yours than he did for me and mine.

I mean, I know I can’t be the only one who prefers chocolate, roses, and a night in with their lover to tampons, pain killers, and the company of cats and crap TV.

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Can you feel the love tonight?  😉