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Haiku For My Shedding Uterus
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Holiday of love
Emotions flowing freely
Also flowing: blood
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Punctuate with care;
This, and grammar, are crucial.
F*cking period.
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***
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Ode to the Medicated Cycle
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There was a determined young lady,
Who very much wanted a baby.
But there were only ten days
In her luteal phase,
And the meds made her go batshit crazy.
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***
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A Sonnet: In Appreciation of My Heating Pad
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My heating pad is what I love the most.
It soothes my muscles when I’m feeling tense,
And heats me up like I’m a damn rib roast.
Clearly it’s worth the very small expense.
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I bought it one day because I hurt my back,
I liked that I could use it dry or damp.
At times, my muscles still get out of whack,
But mostly it alleviates my cramps.
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Its warm embrace helps keep my pain in check,
Without it, I’d perhaps be homicidal.
Today though, I’m a menstruating wreck;
I guess I’ll just stay home and take some Midol.
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***
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So, yeah.
Suck on THAT, Shakespeare.
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Oh, and Happy Valentine’s Day.
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I hope Cupid has more up his sleeve for you and yours than he did for me and mine.
I mean, I know I can’t be the only one who prefers chocolate, roses, and a night in with their lover to tampons, pain killers, and the company of cats and crap TV.
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Can you feel the love tonight? 😉
Just Stop Trying and It Will Happen... 