Day: February 13, 2013

Survey Says…

I was nervous and excited to get today’s blood work results.

As you may recall, I had my Vitamin D, thyroid panel, and DHEA (whatever that is) tested yesterday.  When the nurse called with the results today, I was fully expecting that since I live in a not-so-sunshiney climate that my Vitamin D was going to be super-low, and that increasing it would be the magical answer to all of my infertility woes.


My D3 is just a smidge below normal at 29.5.  The low end of the normal range is 30.  An over the counter vitamin D supplement in addition to my prenatal should do the trick.


My thyroid results were also normal.  Anticlimactic.

Then the nurse (the nice one!) told me that my DHEA levels seemed high.  I scored a 399 where the high end of normal is 266.

Uhh… what?

I don’t even know what DHEA is!  I just asked for it because it was on a list of tests to have when you’re unexplained!

What does high DHEA mean??

Apparently, high DHEA means that my doctor doesn’t really deal with adrenal issues, in his words.  He would be happy to refer me to another doctor if I want to follow this particular rabbit hole, but his recommendations to pursue another injectables cycle still stands.

Well, I consulted my go-to doctor, Dr. Google.

And now I’ve opened Pandora’s box of link chasing.

I know that having a test result come back abnormal isn’t a joke, and honestly after being unexplained for all this time, it’s kind of refreshing, but I did learn one funny thing in my Googlizing:  DHEA is considered to be the stress hormone.  Too much of it means you’re too stressed out.

Wouldn’t that just be a swift kick to the lady-balls if all those people who told me I need to relax were right??


Okay, so it’s not really funny ha-ha, more like funny waaaaaaaaah.

So anyway, I really am just starting at the tip of the iceberg in my research of high DHEA.  Apparently it can be common with PCOS, which three doctors have assured me that I do not have.

It can also be linked to Addison’s disease, which affects adrenal function.

I’ve also read that high DHEA is found many times with high testosterone.  I don’t think my T is high, but I do recall one test at my first RE appointment coming back a teensy bit high, and the doc was going to keep an eye on it.  She never mentioned it again, though, so I assumed it was a non-issue.  No other doc since then has mentioned high T to me, but who knows if I kept track…

Which brings me to another point.  I have not been great at keeping track of all of these test results I’ve received over the years.  Sometimes the information I get in a phone call gets filed into my brain and lost forever.  So that this does not keep happening, and so I can keep my stats straight for dealing with doctors, I created a separate page here at the old blog to record my info.

Feel free to check it out if you’re into diagnosing strangers on the internet.  🙂

Anyway, I’m planning to call Dr. K tomorrow and ask what I should do.  If he wants me to see an endocrinology specialist, I will.  If he wants me to have an MRI to rule out an adrenal tumor, I will freak out a little.  I guess only time will tell.

Is this the something that might lead me down the path to a diagnosis and subsequent miraculous cure for my infertile tendencies?

Maybe.  Maybe not.

Either way, though… it’s something.

And I’m tenacious about chasing down a lead.  😉


Halfway ‘Round the Sun…

Six months ago today, I finally saw that second line I’d been chasing for three years.

Six months ago today, I was scared and excited and had no idea how hard and far I could possibly fall.

I fell, though.

Into love.

Into hopefulness.

Into joy.

And then, nine weeks later, I fell into a hellish reality that included a life without my Gummy Bear.

A life of grief.

I fell again.

Into sadness.

Into hopelessness.

Into despair.

I’ve picked myself up since then, dusted myself off a bit and attempted to move on, but every day is still a struggle to remember, and a struggle to forget.

Six months ago I found my world, but it would be lost.

Six months ago I was a different person than I am today.

Where will I be in another six months?

Who will I be?

There’s no way to know for sure.

All I can do is crawl from one day to the next, trying to make my way to the other side of the sun.

Stars :: Grace Potter and the Nocturnals

I lit a fire with the love you left behind
And it burned wild and crept up the mountain side
I followed your ashes into outer space
I can’t look out the window, I can’t look at this place.

I can’t look at the stars
They make me wonder where you are
Stars, up on heaven’s boulevard
And if I know you at all, I know you’ve gone too far

So I, I can’t look at the stars.
All those times we looked up at the sky
Looking out so far, it felt like we could fly.

And now I’m all alone in the dark of night
And the moon is shining, but I can’t see the light.

And I can’t look at the stars
They make me wonder where you are
Stars, up on heaven’s boulevard
And if I know you at all, I know you’ve gone too far
So I, I can’t look at the stars.

Stars, they make me wonder where you are
Stars, up on heaven’s boulevard
And if I know you at all, I know you’ve gone too far
So I can’t look at the stars.

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Summertime Sadness

A safe space where I discuss the racing thoughts in my head, personal struggles, and day-to-day activities while struggling with mental health and mood disorder issues. My personal goal is to reduce the stigma that comes with mental health and mood disorders, by talking more about it.