Day: January 17, 2013


So about today…

You know how some days you have basic underlying expectations of how a situation will play out?  Largely because you’ve been through it so many times before, and because you’ve never really had much variance from the usual end result…

Well my rendezvous with Doctor Dildo-Cam was like that.

Except when it wasn’t.

I went into the office like usual.  Sat in the waiting room, got called back into the office and showed to an ultrasound room, and asked to wrap up in a sheet like always.

As I sat on the exam table waiting for the ultrasound tech with the festive name to come in and prod me, I was surprised to find myself being nearly accosted by Nurse GrumpyPants, who had just spoken with my insurance company.

Apparently, 2012 was a year of feast, and the insurance bigwigs had come to the conclusion that 2013 would need to be a year of famine.  While my understanding was that insurance would pay for four injectable meds cycles, that was then, and this is now.  Three injectables cycles is the new lifetime max, and I have reached it.

The nurse gave me this news rather unceremoniously, and told me I had to make a decision RIGHT NOW.

With my pants off.

She agreed to let me think for a minute, alone in the same room where the doctor had confirmed my miscarriage, the room where my husband and I cried for our lost Gummy Bear, and left me to decide whether I wanted to pay nearly two grand today for an ultrasound and to get the medication fast enough, or skip this cycle altogether.

I thought about all the reasons to just go through with it…

At the top of my list was “Well, I already have my pants off…”, which is a thought that got me in trouble in college on more than one occasion, so ultimately I decided just to take a month off.

I was upset at first, but I immediately started to formulate a plan.  I’ll confirm that insurance will still pay for an IUI cycle, and if so, we will pursue that next month.  I’ll order and pay for the meds, and since I have more time, I will attempt to get them from overseas to save some moolah.  If insurance will pay for the IUI and monitoring, we can give that one last go before we start thinking about moving on…

In the meantime, I’m going to make the most of my “time off”.

I’ve already broken into a lovely bottle of Moscato that a good friend brought us for a housewarming gift, and I plan to indulge in some sinful caffeine tomorrow, too.  I’m even watching American Idol, which I know for a fact is bad for my health.

Life never really goes as planned, but sometimes a detour can take you places you may really enjoy.  I am hoping to enjoy the next month, and I’m excited to see what February has to bring.

Even when life is bad, life is still very good…



By the way, this is the smuttiest, most awesome cookbook ever. EVV. VERR.



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hello, please advise

Summertime Sadness

A safe space where I discuss the racing thoughts in my head, personal struggles, and day-to-day activities while struggling with mental health and mood disorder issues. My personal goal is to reduce the stigma that comes with mental health and mood disorders, by talking more about it.