Day: November 20, 2012


My best friend is having a baby.

Have I mentioned this?  I must have at some point…

Anyway, she found out she was pregnant about a week before I did in August, making her due date about 10 days earlier than mine was.  It was exciting to be pregnant together, even though this was her second child and she and I had started trying at the same time nearly four years ago.  We were even talking about having our ultrasound tech friend perform our gender scans at the same time so we could find out together what our babies would be.

And then I miscarried.  My baby died.

Thankfully, hers is still healthy…

Now I feel like it’s hard to talk to her… Not at all because she makes me uncomfortable about her pregnancy – it’s quite the opposite, in fact.  When we talk, she doesn’t bring up her pregnancy at all, and I feel like a jerk when I hang up for not asking how she is feeling, or what’s been happening in that regard.

I know she doesn’t think I’m a jerk, and I know she gets how awful the miscarriage was, and I’m sure that she understands how difficult it must be for me to hear about her milestones when I know that’s where I should be – would have been – too.

I got a text from her last night, letting me know that baby # 2 is another little girl.

I thought Gummy Bear was a girl, too.  They would have been besties, just like us.

I was so sad last night… I try really hard not to have pity parties for myself, but that just caught me off guard.  I know that Thanksgiving is going to go by in a blur because of the move, but I think that once we are settled in the new house, Christmas is going to be a little tough.  Holidays that are all about children are difficult to navigate for us Infertiles, and even more so for recent miscarriage survivors.

I had plans for this cute pregnancy test Christmas tree ornament and everything.  Ugh.

Maybe I’ll just gold-plate a Menopur vial and hang that on the tree…

At least December will bring back the cycling routine, and with it, the feeling of working toward that take-home baby once again.

To my friend, if she is reading:  I love you, and I love your kiddo and that new baby girl you’re carrying.  Life is hard, and you’ve known me for most of mine.  I will get better, one day.  Until then, please stick with me and know that I’m really trying.

Every day I walk that razor-thin line between “happy for you” and “sad for me”.

Someday things will be less bitter, and more sweet.

Someday… hopefully soon.



The Madness

Tuesday, November 20th, 2012.  CD21, 6DPO… I think.

I’ve been a bad blogger.

But it’s not without good reason… I’ve been busy!


I spent most of last week preparing for, and traveling to, and tromping all over Atlanta.  It was a whirlwind four days, but the trip was successful from both a business and fun standpoint.

I honestly didn’t get to see much of the ATL other than the inside of my very nice hotel room (and subsequent view from the 53rd floor), and the inside of the gigantic conference center where I spent most of my time.  The parts I did see were great, however!

I did NOT get to spend enough time in that bed, but when I did, I slept RIGHT. IN. THE. MIDDLE.

The night view from the 53rd floor of the Westin Peachtree Downtown

And the morning view

And this guy was outside the front door. Classy.

On Thursday night, I met up with a couple of friends who live in town and they took me out to a fantastic burger place called Vortex Burger.  I love going to local places instead of the typical chain joints, and I always like to order something different, and regional if possible.

During the course of the weekend, I had some genuine southern pulled pork, bison pot roast, grits, sweet tea, and more Coca-Cola than this Pepsi girl could handle.  Oh, and during the one fancy-schmancy dinner paid for by the company, I ordered a steak as big as my face.  And ate most of it, too.

I think it was a brontosaurus steak, but I can’t sure…

And so, at Vortex, I ordered an Elvis Burger:

I still dream of this meat masterpiece.

This bad boy was a third-pound burger with peanut butter, fried bananas, and bacon.

And it was DELICIOUS.

That lovely experience was followed by a trip to what was described to me as a “dive bar”, but what turned out to be a small drinking establishment in the filthy basement of a fifty-year-old hotel that’s long since been condemned by the health department.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Oh, and they had dancers.  That were older than the building.

Guess who was given the gift of a table dance for her inaugural visit to the Dirty South?


Her name was Porche, and she kindly explained to me the best times to buy specific gemstones from the Home Shopping Network.

…While mostly nude.


Contrary to popular belief, I do still speak with these friends.  😉

Anyway, back to business.  The conference itself went very well.  It was extremely busy and there was very little downtime during the day, but the websites and social media outlets I’d created for the event worked perfectly and our booth was the talk of the show.  It was really a fun experience, but I was super happy to fly home on Saturday night.

I spent about four hours in the airport waiting for my late flight to leave, and after three gate changes, I finally boarded around 10:30pm.  I was alone in my row for most of the boarding, but at the very last minute, a rather corpulent gentleman was escorted to the seat directly next to me, effectively pinning me against the window.

Now, far be it from me to judge anyone because of their weight, but this guy was something else… He asked for a seat belt extender, and when it was explained to him that he can’t have a belt extender in the exit row of the plane for the safety of the other passengers, he proceeded to swear and grumble and shift himself around until he could squeeze into the regular seat belt.

He then produced some really smelly food from his carry-on, and the whole plane instantly smelled like sausage.


I tried to sleep, but every time I dozed off, Mr. Big would have some kind of snoring-sleep-apnea attack and snort and choke and flail his giant, meaty arms all over, nearly maiming me in the process.

Ugh.  Good times.

Thankfully, the husband came to pick me up at the airport and I was able to relax a little during the hour-long car ride home.  I slept for probably ten hours late into Sunday!  It was great to be back in my own bed!

It’s a relief to be home, but now the chaos is all home-related.  We are in the process of moving into the new house this week, and the movers come for the furniture on Friday.

Oh right, and Thanksgiving is in there somewhere too…

I’m super excited to move, but I know how tiring the process can be.  All of this madness makes me glad I didn’t try to cycle this month.  I am pretty sure I ovulated the day I got to Atlanta, so that wouldn’t have worked out anyway…

Curious, though… If my calculations are correct, I ovulated on CD14 – like a “textbook female”!  Weird!

Let’s not get excited, though.  I was traveling and have been terrible at keeping up with temping, so I’m honestly not sure if that’s right.  I do expect Aunt Flo by the end of the month, however, and am hoping to start cycling again then.

Oh yay, another medicated birthday!  😉  This year will give a whole new meaning to the term “birthday shots”, haha.

Anyway, it’s been a crazy week or so around here, and I’m sorry for the NOVEL you just had to read (or maybe you skimmed… I would have skimmed.  I don’t blame you for skimming.).  I swear I will try to keep up on the updates and post pics of the new house soon!

In the meantime, please have a wonderful Thanksgiving, friends!

Beauty Clean and Simple

Searching for simple beauty with Natalie Schultz

Madison Shelby

Figuring out life, one glass of rosé at a time.

Enchanted Crystal Moon

Magical Happenings

Destiny Tuning Secret

Manifestation Miracles Today

Curly Hair Gurl With A Blog

Ohhh,gurl,she Blogs

Late Bloomer Press

Growing out of that awkward stage is highly overrated.

Nuala Reilly: A Writer's Journey

I'm just a girl, standing in front of chocolate, asking it to love her.

Whole Milk and Half-Crazy

Excerpts from an exceptional(ly ridiculous) life.

Motherhood & Everything Else

pregnancy, motherhood, marriage, and life after miscarriage


hello, please advise

Summertime Sadness

A safe space where I discuss the racing thoughts in my head, personal struggles, and day-to-day activities while struggling with mental health and mood disorder issues. My personal goal is to reduce the stigma that comes with mental health and mood disorders, by talking more about it.