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A Month and a Day and a Memory

Wednesday, October 24th, 2012.  32DPMc.

Soooo… not a whole lot new here.

Still alive.

Still healthy.

Still no Aunt Flo.

What the French, toast?

I guess I’ll just… hang out?  Wait for her to arrive?  Assume that she’s going to come as soon as I have something fun or important planned?

Yeah.  Sounds like her.

Bitch.

In other news, yesterday was the one month-iversary of my miscarriage.  It was a sad day for me, but also an empowering one.  I am talking about this openly in my real life.

At work, at home, with family and friends… Even with people I’ve just met.  It doesn’t really make me the life of the party or anything, but people know I was pregnant.  People know that although my baby isn’t at home with me, I am still a mother.

It’s a little awkward sometimes, but then again, so am I… so it works.

Also, I have been thinking about a tattoo in memory of my Gummy Bear.  I called the artist who did my last tattoo a couple of weeks ago to discuss some ideas with her, and she said she would call me back to set up an appointment.

Well, she called last night.

And had an appointment cancellation, leaving a slot open for me… tonight.

Sooo… this is it.

On my wrist… out in the open. The feathers may fly away, but a piece of my heart will always go with them.

Gummy Bear doesn’t have a nursery or a baby book, a grave stone or ashes, but I will always have this reminder that my baby was real.

My baby lived.

My baby was loved.

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12 comments on “A Month and a Day and a Memory

  1. Kerri
    October 24, 2012 at 10:19 pm #

    Beautiful. ❤

    Like

  2. Heidi
    October 24, 2012 at 10:28 pm #

    It’s perfect…I love you and that little gummy bear!

    Like

  3. B
    October 25, 2012 at 12:33 am #

    Lots of tears taking place on this side of the computer. Your tattoo is a beautiful reminder of the very real baby that Gummy Bear was. Thank you for sharing. ❤
    I'm glad that you are talking about your loss, about your motherhood. It isn't always easy but I do believe it will be helpful both for you and for those who love and care about you. I'm thinking of you as always.

    Like

  4. swisswife
    October 25, 2012 at 1:22 am #

    I love it.

    Like

  5. B
    October 25, 2012 at 6:11 am #

    That’s a beautiful tribute to your baby.

    Like

  6. Amber Rose
    October 25, 2012 at 9:27 am #

    Magical!

    Like

  7. Kelly
    October 25, 2012 at 11:25 am #

    Beautiful. I cant believe its been a month already but the feather is lovely. What a sweet way to remember your little angel. Thinking of you!

    Like

  8. cassiedash
    October 25, 2012 at 3:41 pm #

    Absolutely beautiful. The perfect way to honor your child.

    Like

  9. Kimmy
    October 29, 2012 at 9:28 am #

    Sometimes when I read your blog , it feels like your are living in my head! (haha) I too am a “talker” and I discuss my miscarriage openly. I know it makes some ppl uncomfortable and most people don’t understand but you made me realize WHY I do it. I “My baby lived. My baby was loved. I am a mother.”

    Like

  10. Wendie
    November 1, 2012 at 7:41 pm #

    I just had my third loss and we know the sex of two of the babies…I have been looking for just the perfect tattoo (we want to include the names), and I wear feather charms as a remembrance, but want a tattoo. I came across your tattoo while googling and wanted to tell you I think it is amazing, just perfect. I’m so sorry for your loss 😦

    Like

  11. Glynis
    March 15, 2013 at 3:07 pm #

    I had exactly the same train of thoughts as u did. And I am going to do a feather tattoo as well. I lost my baby. And all I have is a grainy ultrasound picture of a bean.

    No ashes, no nothing. But I’ll always know he left his footprints in my heart.

    Like

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Here With Me Still | Just Stop Trying and It Will Happen... - September 23, 2013

    […] never forget you, dear one, for you’re imprinted in my heart, my soul, and my very skin.  I only hope to make you proud by proving every day that I am worthy to be called someone’s […]

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