7 Weeks

Friday, September 7th, 2012.  7weeks.

I woke up this morning feeling great.

Like, scary great.

I don’t know for sure if I’m psyching myself out here, but I’m about 80% certain that I woke up without any pregnancy symptoms today.

I’m not nauseated.

I’m not tired.

I’m not hungry or thirsty.

Even my breast tenderness has faded to a tolerable level when just a couple of days ago it was torturous.

I suspect that my HCG levels are dropping.  I have no way of knowing if this is true, however, because Dr. K didn’t order blood work for me on Wednesday.  I may pee on a stick tonight to see if the lines have lightened at all.

I’m starting to accept what is happening…

If I started to cramp and spot over the weekend, I wouldn’t be surprised in the least.

If, somehow, we get good news on Monday, I will be shocked.

If we get the bad news I expect, I’ll still be devastated, but a small part of me will be saying, “I told you so…”

This is such a shitty place to be.


15 comments on “7 Weeks

  1. Andrea Smith
    September 7, 2012 at 8:56 am #

    I’m SO sorry Tracy. Will pray for you!


  2. Jen
    September 7, 2012 at 8:57 am #

    I’m so sorry, Tracy. 😦 I hope your appointment Monday brings good, surprising news, but if it doesn’t, know that you’ve got lots of people thinking about you and sending you virtual hugs.


  3. Patricia
    September 7, 2012 at 9:24 am #

    Try to focus on the fact that you got pregnant. With all that you have gone through, that is HUGE. This may or may not be the nugget that is intended for you and Mike, but there is a nugget for you. Sending a ton of love up north.


  4. Theresa
    September 7, 2012 at 9:29 am #

    Ugh, I can’t even imagine how NOT fun it is where you are right now. Still keeping fingers crossed for good news…..


  5. Joni
    September 7, 2012 at 10:16 am #

    I’m always here if you need me. **HUGS**


  6. cassiedash
    September 7, 2012 at 11:10 am #

    You’re right — totally shitty and I’m sorry. So, so sorry. But I will not give up hope, not yet. And no matter what happens, you have all of us. I hope that is some small consolation. Holding you in my heart today. ~ hugs ~


  7. Deanna
    September 7, 2012 at 11:56 am #

    This is such a hard place to be! I have been there twice! One time it didn’t work out and once time it did. ( I know the trying to conceive part is different) the wait is horrible! I’m praying hard for a good out come. On monday


  8. Mothernatureschmature
    September 7, 2012 at 11:59 am #

    I have been exactly here. Twice. And it’s more than anyone should have to go through. I’m sorry that you are stuck in limbo and I know how hard it is not to obsess over symptoms, or lack thereof. I wish there was something I could say to make the days go by more easily but I know there is not. Just take it easy and be kind to yourself


  9. alloallo
    September 7, 2012 at 12:00 pm #

    huge good luck to you, hoping all is okay


  10. Katie
    September 7, 2012 at 2:16 pm #

    I agree my friend. Shiiiiiiity place for sure. I just got out of it…again. Limbo land is awful. I hope the weekend flies for you.


  11. KelBel
    September 7, 2012 at 2:24 pm #

    Thinking of you…sending big virtual hugs your way.


  12. Kimmy
    September 7, 2012 at 3:15 pm #

    The waiting is suffocating. Rest and take care of you. Keep trying to remember to breathe. xoxoxo


  13. Tyger
    September 7, 2012 at 4:17 pm #

    I hate that you are stuck waiting, that is the worst. Hoping for the best for you. No matter the outcome, allow yourself to have the emotions that come. Sometimes I think we get so good at holding it together in the face of everyone else’s happy announcements and such that we do feel we have the right to be angry, sad, or grieve. Praying for you.


  14. Tracy
    September 7, 2012 at 4:40 pm #

    Hey guys, thank you all for your supportive words.

    I am so up and down with this whole thing that I just don’t know what to think from minute to minute. I’m stuck between trying to accept what might be happening and trying to have hope for what could still be growing…

    It’s exhausting and frustrating and maddening. I’m doing my best to keep a brave face for everyone else, but I feel like crumbling half the time. It’s going to be a long weekend, but I am going to try to stay busy and pass the time till Monday.

    Thank you all again, so much. Having you in my corner really does help!! 🙂


  15. Amelia
    September 7, 2012 at 5:29 pm #

    I’m so very sorry you are going through this, sending light and love.


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