Just Stop Trying and It Will Happen...

Monday, September 24th, 2012.

Warning: 

This post is very graphic, but I need to record it for myself, and for others who may find their way here because they don’t know what to expect of a Cytotec-induced miscarriage.

I was not able to find much information online when I went looking, but the few accounts I did come across helped me immensely.  I want to help others as much as I can, in a completely honest and realistic manner.

It happened last night.

The actual miscarriage happened.

I knew that the only sort-of-heavy-ish bleeding and mild cramping I’d had on Friday and Saturday weren’t enough.  Always trust your intuition… mine told me that something wasn’t right.  I wasn’t in enough pain, and I hadn’t bled in any kind of dramatic way.

Something wasn’t right.  And I knew.

I let myself believe what the nurses kept telling me, however, and fell into a false sense of security.  Three full days after taking the Cytotec to bring on the miscarriage, I started to believe that maybe I was on the mend.

Here’s a mini-timeline of events:

• On Wednesday about 6pm, I started spotting dark brown.  I expected that the miscarriage was starting naturally, and went to bed that night with cramps.

• On Thursday morning, I still only had cramping and spotting, and those both tapered off to almost nothing by dinnertime.

• On Thursday at 11pm, I took the full 800mcg dose of Cytotec prescribed to me by Dr. K.  I went to bed prepared to wake up in agony.

• On Friday morning at 9am, I woke up and nothing had happened; maybe a few mild cramps.  I called Dr. K’s nurse to let her know, and she said to give it some time.  I started bleeding pretty steadily by 12pm.

• On Friday afternoon, I was having strong cramping and was bleeding pretty  heavily.  I passed a few clots larger than I would normally see during a menstrual period, one as large as a big cherry.  The cramping and bleeding continued throughout the day and night.  I treated the pain with a heating pad; at this point I had not taken the Percocet prescribed to me.

• On Saturday morning, I was taken to Dr. K’s office to receive my Rhogam shot, as the husband and I have different Rh factors.  I talked to the nurse again, telling her about my symptoms so far, and she said that it sounded like the worst was over, and that I would probably bleed for a week or so.  I told her that I thought I hadn’t had enough pain or bleeding, that this was no worse than my worst period, but she said to consider myself one of the lucky few who have a pretty easy time of it.

• By Saturday evening, the cramping had all but ended, and the bleeding was steady, though the clotting had stopped.

• On Sunday morning, I woke up with energy – more energy than I’d had in a week.  I was easily exhausted, but I managed to do some things around the house during the course of the day.  Around 4pm, I even vacuumed the whole place.

• By the time I finished vacuuming, maybe 4:30pm, my lower back was very painfully aching.  I rested on the couch with a heating pad behind me, convinced that I’d done too much, but after about a half hour, the pain had started to radiate toward my pelvic area as well.

• I moved the heating pad to my front to help with the cramping, but nothing was alleviating the pain.  This is the point at which I should have taken the Percocet, but I was convinced that I just needed to rest.

• By 5:30pm, I was in and out of the bathroom with painful cramps and diarrhea.  At this point, the bleeding was getting heavier, more red, and less watery than at any previous point in the process.

• By 6pm, I was able to time what were likely contractions.  I would have about 5 minutes of severe cramping, and then a 2 minute rest before it started over again.

• I was shaking violently and my teeth were chattering, I assume from the pain and heavy breathing, and possibly shock setting in.  If at all possible, I would recommend keeping a towel or blanket around you.  I also kept my heating pad in my lap, and that helped to keep me warm.

• By 6:30pm, I had started to pass large clots, some of which were the size of golf balls.

• At one point, I passed a very large mass that I assume was the sac.  It was the size of my fist, and it took several minutes of pushing to fully pass.

• At 7pm, when I thought the pain was at its peak, I realized that if this level of pain was going to continue for much longer, I was going to hyperventilate and pass out.  I took the Percocet, and in between periods of intense cramping, I went to the bed and laid down.  I drank some water and rested, and the pain slowly began to fade.

• I must have laid there in fetal position, dozing on and off in a haze of pain and painkillers, for at least an hour.  I remember texting my mom and the husband to call to check on me because I was home alone and had taken the Percocet.

• By 9pm, I was able to get up and walk around a bit.  I refilled my water in the kitchen, and talked on the phone with the people I’d texted, letting them know what had happened, and that I was okay.  The Percocet made me jittery and a little chatty, so I spent a while on the phone.

• The bleeding continued to be heavy, and still is today,  but nothing like last night.

I know now that the worst is over.  I’ve fully miscarried, and it was painful and graphic like I thought it should be, and has left me completely exhausted.  I slept for 12 hours last night and into today, and am still extremely weak.  As I type this, I’m trying to eat and drink as much as possible.  I’m still very shaky on my legs, but now that I know I’ve handled the worst of it, I know I can manage.

What I want to share with others who may find themselves here looking for personal accounts of Cytotec-induced miscarriage is this:  It may not be the norm, but I did not fully miscarry until 3 full days after I took the prescribed dosage of 800mcg of Cytotec. 

It can happen that way for some.  If your intuition is telling you that you haven’t fully completed your miscarriage, then you may very well be right.

If you think this might be the case for you, please stay in close contact with your doctor’s office.  They may suggest another dose of Cytotec, or a follow-up ultrasound to confirm whether your miscarriage is complete or not.

Listen to yourself, your body, your intuition.  It’s better to be completely wrong than to be caught completely off guard.

As for me, I think I might still be in a bit of shock.

I’m finding myself very detached from the events of last night (hence the extremely matter-of-fact timeline above), but I know that only time will allow me to accept it.

For now, I know that my body has done what it needed to, and that will have to be enough.

Enough for now, until I can accept what’s really happened.

I miscarried.  It was bloody and painful.  I’m no longer pregnant.

I’m empty.