Month: August 2012
Status

Triphasic

Monday, August 13th, 2012.  CD28, 10DPO.

Well, as I suspected, FertilityFriend gave me the “triphasic pattern” notification this morning…

For those of you who are not familiar with the term, let me give you a brief tutorial.

When charting your basal body temperature (BBT), an ovulatory chart should show two levels of temperatures: lower pre-ovulatory temps, and higher post-ovulatory temps. You occasionally see a second shift a week or so after ovulation when temps climb higher and stay there, and that is called a triphasic pattern.

FertilityFriend says that while the triphasic pattern can sometimes be seen on non-pregnancy charts, and should not be considered a definite indicator of pregnancy, “This pattern is 179% more frequent on pregnancy charts.”

Soooooooo… Yeah.  This is the first time I’ve ever seen something on my chart that looks like a genuine implantation dip, and now a possible triphasic chart…

I’m trying not to freak out, but I feel like this lucky little bit of data showing up on the husband’s birthday is hard not to smile about.  🙂

And, because I know someone will inevitably wonder, I don’t have any test results to report as of yet.  I’m still testing out that pesky trigger and while I thought it would be gone today, it wasn’t quite.  I expect that if I’m not pregnant, it should be gone tomorrow for sure.

Have a magnificent Monday, friends!  🙂

 

Update:

As I’ve noticed this post gets a lot of traffic, probably from other women searching to find success stories with triphasic charts.  I want to update to let those online-researchers know that yes, this was a BFP cycle for me (this post went up in the morning of 10DPO, and I actually got the first faint BFP that same evening).  It was the only triphasic chart I’ve ever had, and not-so-coincidentally, the only BFP chart, as well.

Now, for what it’s worth, this BFP cycle did end in miscarriage, but that was no doubt due to factors outside of my body temperature.  If you’re searching for triphasic chart success stories, you’ve found one! 

Good luck!

Status

Nice Problem to Have

Sunday, August 12th, 2012.  CD27, 9DPO.

My chart is pretty this month.

Maybe a little TOO pretty…

Take a look:

See that?  I have pretty consistent temps in the luteal phase, a nice could-be implantation dip at the perfect time, a lovely fallback rise, and if my temps stay elevated, FertilityFriend will likely suggest that I’m triphasic.

Do charts this pretty ever yield a BFP??

It almost seems too good to be true.

Anyway, as for trigger progression, I’ve almost tested this thing out completely.  Hopefully I’ll have a negative tomorrow, but here’s today’s results:

So anyway, that’s my rant for the day.

My chart is too pretty.  Boo-frickety-hoo, right?  😉

I hope you all are having a lovely Sunday, friends!

 

Status

Humility

I have a hard time asking for help.

It probably relates directly to the fact that I have a hard time saying “No”, too.

I end up with more things on my plate than I can handle about 99% of the time.

I like to live in chaos, and I like to help others as much as possible, sometimes at the cost of my own comfort.

Although we have decent health insurance, it has limited coverage for infertility treatments.

Add to that fact that the husband and I have limited funds these days, what with trying to buy a house and all, and you have a recipe for barely hanging on.

I’m not complaining – I know there are many out there who have no insurance coverage and a smaller income than we do who are still finding their way along the expensive road to Infertile Parenthood.

We’ve been talking lately about the possibility that these injectables cycles may not work.  We don’t want to waste time, and if Dr. K says that IVF is our best bet, we are going to dive in headfirst.

Insurance won’t touch IVF.

Not even the meds, which typically account for about 30% of the cost.

And that cost is typically in the $10,000 to $15,000 range.

Here comes the humility part:

The husband and I have created an online fundraiser to hopefully help fund an IVF cycle, or contribute to the cost of an IVF package.

I don’t want to be a charity case, and it took a lot for me to be able to do this, but this is where we are right now:  so desperate to become parents, and so limited by the terrifying cost of treatments that we have resorted to asking the public for help.

By no means should you feel like this is a plea for you to donate.  All we ask is that you spread the word, maybe share this with a friend or two.  Who knows?  Maybe someone out there has been here before, and wants to pay it forward…

Also, if any of you are friends with Oprah or Ellen, please feel free to call them up and plead our case.  😉

If, by some miracle, we find that we do not have to board the IVF rollercoaster, we will donate this money to someone who does.  We want to become parents, and we want others in our boat to have that same chance.

Thank you, friends.

 

 

 

 

Status

Girl Gone Wild

Friday, August 10th, 2012.  CD25, 7DPO.

Just like every single two week wait in existence, I have reached the point of crazy.

I am having constant conversations with myself trying to rationalize symptoms that may be caused by a whole heap of things not at all related to pregnancy, and yet I still find myself hopeful.

That is, until I remember that I’ve been hopeful before.  And I was wrong then.  Very wrong.

Either way, things are happening.  This cycle is uncharted territory and I have no idea what to expect.

Here’s the extent of the crazy:

  • Nausea – I haven’t exactly tossed my cookies, but for the past 24 hours I have been feeling icky.  Kinda like this empty pit in my stomach that food and drink can’t touch sort of feeling.  Bleh.
  • Strange Temps – my BBT chart is all sorts of weird this cycle.  Four straight days of flat temps, followed by a slight rise, and then today it dipped below the coverline.  Ummm…  What the French, toast?

  • Sore Lady Lumps – my boobies feel like hot needles are poking into them.  For reals.  Don’t poke them, don’t squeeze them, don’t even look at them.  They hurt that much, although heightened progesterone seems to do that to me in every medicated cycle.
  • HPT Progression – I’ve been testing out the trigger as usual, but I’ve never done so with an Ovidrel trigger before.  I expected it to vacate my system sooner, but it’s sticking around.  And check out that last test, which was from this morning… Is it just me, or does it maybe look darker than yesterday’s?

And so, you can clearly see that I am crazy.

I can’t help obsessing.  I’ve tried to curb it in the past, but the way I operate best seems to be balls-to-the-wall.

Feel everything completely, let go of the control, and let it all happen.

I can always pick up the pieces later…

*sigh*

Well, TGIF, friends!  I have a fabulous weekend planned, and I hope you do too!  🙂

Status

The Flats

Wednesday, August 8th, 2012.  CD23, 5DPO.

 
Soooooo… this is strange.

I have had weird, flat temperatures for the past four mornings.

Is something wrong with my thermometer?

Is something wrong with ME?

Anyone out there seen anything like this before?

My typical LP temps are up around this range normally, but they never just hang out at one spot like this.  Especially not for days at a time.

So odd.

Other than this, and my boobs feeling like giant, painful bouncy-houses, nothing new here.

I’m still working on testing out the trigger, and will update once that bad boy starts to fade.  Which might be daaaaaaays from now, because my stupid body holds onto stupid triggers for a stupid-long time.

Happy Hump Day, friends!  🙂

Status

The New Normal

I’m a Sagittarius.

You probably didn’t know that about me, unless you and I are acquainted in real life.

Then again, maybe you could tell…

We fire signs tend to have a bit of an obvious personality.  😉

So, being a Sagittarius, I have a nauseatingly optimistic outlook on life.  I also have a wicked sense of humor, and a tendency to put my foot in my mouth.

Affable buffoon, some would say.

I’d tend to agree.

I have to wonder though, if this set of traits it seems I was born with, and that were fostered throughout my upbringing by parents who encouraged my adventurous, if haphazard spirit, can all be undone by a seemingly endless barrage of bad breaks in life.

Some days I don’t feel very sunshine-y.

Some days I have a hard time believing that this will ever get better.

Some days I cannot even imagine what it will be like to get that BFP I want so badly.

Some days I wonder if infertility is altering my spirit completely.

Part of the Sagittarius charm is the ability to adapt to new surroundings and circumstances.  I have always found this to be the case in my own life.

I relate easily to others.  I find it second nature to put myself in their shoes.  I play the Devil’s advocate more than anyone else I know.  I make friends, tell jokes, and find my comfortable niche in every new adaptation of my life.

Why then, am I having such a hard time adjusting to this New Normal?

Infertility is a circumstance that has befallen me.  I should be able to adjust accordingly.

Somehow though, I just can’t.

Oh sure.  I roll with the punches and make light of all the injection-site-and-blood-work-bruises covering my body, and every Cycle Day One, I joke about drinking a bottle of wine and eating my feelings, but the truth is that I am not comfortable in my own skin right now.

Infertility is slowly stealing away the things I love about myself.

Do they come back?

If I get that elusive BFP, will I be happy again?

Will this inner sadness be permanent?

Will these circumstances permanently scar my sunny outlook?

Am I doomed to be a Debbie Downer?

Please say this will pass…

Please tell me this gets better, easier.

Please tell me that a baby will bring back my smile – my real smile, the one that reaches my eyes and has real happiness behind it.

Please tell me what will happen if that BFP never comes…  Is this me, forever?

Does it get worse?

Does it start ruining my relationships?

Does it drive away the people that love and support me?

Does it start wreaking havoc on the lives of those around me?

…Do I want to know the answers to these questions?

For now, no.

I don’t want to know.

Maybe by sticking my head in the sand I can avoid having to contemplate a life of depressing desolation.

That in itself is another way that infertility is robbing me of my core personality strengths; I am not the type of person who runs from a problem, rather I prefer to meet it head-on.

Avoidance has been my coping mechanism of choice lately, though, and choosing to dodge thoughts about the future should not come as a surprise.

The truth is that I am terrified.

Terrified that if these treatments don’t work, I will be childless forever.

Terrified that I will be forced to watch those close to me have their third, fourth, fifth children in the time that I’ve been trying for one.

Terrified that this change in me will last forever, and that it will cause those I care for most to turn away from what I have become.

Terrified that I will be alone.

Because that is the one thing a Sagittarius can never be:  alone.

Sagittarius is the sign of the Archer.

Half-man, half-beast.

Half destined for feet planted on Earth, and half aiming for the stars.

That’s me.

Weighed down by infertility, but never letting go of my dreams.

Perhaps my inner Archer is stronger than infertility.

Perhaps I’m stronger than this.

Perhaps I will survive after all.

Status

Here We Are Again…

Saturday, August 4th, 2012.  CD19, 1DPO.

I woke up this morning officially in the Two Week Wait.

Although this TWW is going to be rough, what with no monitoring whatsoever, and no beta scheduled unless Aunt Flo doesn’t show up in 14 days, I am happy to be in this slightly more low-key half of the cycle.

When I first met with Dr. K, he explained to me that he wanted me to do two or three cycles tops on the Femara + Menopur protocol.  He is a fan of following the most current clinical study results out there, and he said the majority of studies have found that injectables tend to work best in the first three months, and chances for success after that take a rapid downturn.

He also doesn’t want to waste a ton of time with adjusting this protocol too much when the chances won’t be that much better.  Based on this line of thought, I expect that if I don’t get pregnant using injectables, I will have to take a break in mid-October before moving onto the next step.

What will that next step be?

There has been some talk of a laparoscopy.  We may check out what’s going on inside a bit more before moving onto IVF.  It only makes sense…

After that?  We could start the IVF process after the holidays.

It’s a lot to think about, especially since we have so much else going on right now with our crazy work schedules and attempting to buy our first house.

It’s a lot to think about, but the thought of buying a house that will never contain children is something I can’t face right now.

It’s a sobering thought.  One that doesn’t feel real at this point.

I hope it never does.

For now though, I am trying to remain confident in Dr. K and this protocol, and am trying to urge my body to do what it needs to.

I’m sure that as the next two weeks go by, I will also be consulting Dr. Google about every little twinge as well as poking my poor boobies several times a day to see if they are sore.

I’ve never wished for anything as much as morning sickness!

May the next two weeks go quickly and with much distraction.  🙂

 

Image

Friday Funnies :: Another Ryan Meme

I love everything about this.

Aside

Eye-Roller

No, this isn’t a post about Christian Grey.  😉

I heard some news recently that made me roll my eyes and sigh, and I figured I’d share it with you all (because you have nothing better to do than care about the things that make me facepalm).

Remember the time I said cervical mucus at a bonfire?  And then I “counseled” a twenty-one year old single female about getting her girl parts checked out if she thought she might have a reproductive issue?

Yeah.

That girl’s like four months pregnant.

LOL.

So anyway, that happened.

As you were, friends.  🙂

Status

“O” Happy Day!

Friday, August 3rd, 2012.  CD18.

Happy Friday, friends!

I’m happy because after my drama-free Ovidrel trigger last night, the husband and I managed to have a nice little “evening in”, as it were.

I’m happy because I woke up this morning to a fantastic looking temp-dip, and I expect a nice, big rise tomorrow morning, signaling that today is officially O-Day!

(O is for ovulation.  Not that other O.  Although, who knows?  The day is still young, after all!  😉 )

I’m happy because I have a relaxing weekend of laundry, reading and dvr-catch-up planned.

I may also finally take the plunge and delve a little deeper into this whole Doctor Who thing I’ve recently started.  I know, I know.  Like I need another notch on my nerd belt.  I just love the Brits, what can I say?

I hope you all are also having happy Fridays!  Cheers to a great weekend!!  🙂

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