Door Number Four

Monday, May 21st, 2012.  CD1.

Well, it’s been a whirlwind twenty-four hours.

This time yesterday I was staring at a home pregnancy test with a very visible second line.

Oh, and freaking out.  I freaked out.  More than a little.

Fast forward a few hours and a few more pregnancy tests (all of which were negative), and the telltale spotting began.

By this morning, I was fully aware (read: no longer in denial and losing a great deal of blood) that my third IUI cycle was done.

I called the doc on the way to my beta this morning to let them know I’d be needing my Cycle Day 1 blood work and ultrasound.

I decided to be gentle with myself for a change, and stayed home from work today.  Right now, I’m in bed and catching up on some DVRed programming I’ve been too busy to watch.

(Off topic:  Does every show on TV right now have an infertility/miscarriage/adoption story line going on?  Oy!  First Grey’s Anatomy, then Private Practice, and now Sister Wives?  I may not have chosen the best shows to watch for this particular day in my life.  Ugh.  Rant over.)

And so, with that unceremonious end and a negative beta, we trudge on to IUI cycle four.  This will be the last cycle in the AMIGOS unexplained infertility study, which also means that it’s my last fully-funded IUI cycle.

In an effort to make this one count, the docs agreed to increase my meds.  They are hoping that increasing the follicular count will help me have better odds of fertilization and implantation.

Very science-y, docs.

I don’t care what we have to do…  Just gimme mah baby.

Now you go get to work on that.  I’m gonna lay here and try not to die.

This makes me extra-proud of the bits of Danish blood I have in me. The pastries don’t hurt either.

15 comments on “Door Number Four

  1. ~kboo
    May 21, 2012 at 2:05 pm #

    Um, so did they do a beta?? Just cuz you’re spotting doesn’t mean anything…


    • Tracy
      May 21, 2012 at 2:09 pm #

      Oh, yeah sorry, lol… I am all loopy on painkillers right now, and I guess I forgot to mention the copious amount of bleeding and cramping, and the negative beta.

      Definitely negative. Definitely should have proof-read while sober. 😉


      • ~kboo
        May 21, 2012 at 2:09 pm #



      • Tracy
        May 21, 2012 at 2:12 pm #

        Thank you, friend. I’m okay. I have a freezer full of ice cream, and I cleaned the house yesterday in preparation for the five-days-of-sloth that I usually undertake when the witch blows into town.

        Plus, did I mention the painkillers? 🙂


  2. mrsgreengrass
    May 21, 2012 at 2:10 pm #

    That sucks! It’s not fair to mess with you like that when this is already so hard. : (


    • Tracy
      May 21, 2012 at 2:13 pm #

      Yeah, I don’t get why I keep getting these almost-BFP’s and then negative betas! So crazy!

      Have you ever heard that saying “You’re only given as much as you can handle”? Maybe I need to start breaking down and crying more so things stop getting piled on. Sheesh.


      • mrsgreengrass
        May 21, 2012 at 2:26 pm #

        Seriously! It’s not fair to pile it on just because people are strong on the outside. I hope the next time is 100% positive – you might have to start waiting for the beta…


  3. Tracy
    May 21, 2012 at 2:34 pm #

    As much as I hate to let go of the little control I feel I have… You might be right about that.


  4. b
    May 21, 2012 at 3:33 pm #

    That totally stinks and is unfair! Hopefully the change in meds will be the help you need to get that baby. Thinking of you!


  5. Mothernatureschmature
    May 21, 2012 at 3:44 pm #

    What a mind f*. However, I do LOVE your Danish saying. Texting it to DH right now! =)


  6. teejay
    May 21, 2012 at 6:26 pm #

    I’m really sorry about the negative and all the confusion. I’m really hoping that everything gets figured out next cycle.


  7. Justine
    May 21, 2012 at 8:49 pm #

    I’m so, so sorry … and am glad that you found a way to be gentle to yourself today. Thinking of you.


  8. Katie
    May 21, 2012 at 9:06 pm #

    What the heck? That is so frustrating – hoping you get more follies this round and that THIS is the month! Good for you for taking the day to yourself.


  9. Laura
    May 26, 2012 at 12:13 am #

    Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.
    Sending hugs and wine.


  10. A Morning Grouch
    May 30, 2012 at 5:38 pm #

    And the process continues. Hang in there. I agree with Laura – hope you enjoyed a glass of vino.


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