February 28th, 2012. CD20, 6DPIUI.
Well… I’m hanging in there.
But I’m having trouble concentrating on anything but my reproductive system. This is a problem… Especially at work.
The general consensus around my office is that I am, in fact pregnant (even though no one could know that yet), and that I will be having twin girls.
It’s preposterous, I know. But I kind of love it. I just want it so badly. Not even the twin thing, while that would be splendid, but the pregnant thing.
I want it.
I want this IUI to be the magical fix-it my busted uterus needs. I pray daily (and nightly)(and a lot in the shower) that this will work.
I really want to start buying pregnancy tests… but so far, I have restrained myself. I don’t even venture down the feminine product aisle at the grocery store unless I have to, and I avoid trips to the pharmacy if at all possible.
Tomorrow is my progesterone draw, along with an ultrasound, I assume to verify that I am not developing cysts from the medication. I have this fear that they will tell me that no ovulation took place, and that this cycle is a bust.
You see? I am fantasizing about great outcomes AND bad ones. I am clinging to every little thing my body is doing, trying to make each tiny thing into an early pregnancy symptom.
Heartburn? Pregnant! (No, I’m sure it’s not because I ate an entire pineapple in five days…)
Sore boobs? Pregnant!! (Well, I guess it could be normal, but what fun is that?)
Tired? PREGNANT!!! (This is absolutely not because I stay up far too late at night searching the interwebs for pregnancy symptoms like mine…)
And so, you see – I am crazy.
I’m sure the progesterone supplement doesn’t help with the crazy, but I’m hoping that I will find tomorrow that it’s helping with my body’s ability to support the pregnancy I hope is in the process of formulating right now.
We shall see…
