Double Negative

October 26th, 2011.  CD27, 12DPO.

So I had my beta today.

I’ve become used to the nurse at the clinic calling me at lunchtime on Beta Day to say “Sorry honey, you’re not pregnant.”

Today she said, “Well honey, you’re not not pregnant…”

And then batshitcrazyTracyonprogesterone is all like “Cheese and Rice, lady, what does that MEAN??!”

She proceeded to tell me that my beta result was a seven, which is still relatively low, but it wasn’t a zero.  She also said that it didn’t mean that I was, in fact, pregnant, but that it wasn’t impossible either.

She also told me not to get my hopes up, because a low result like this can often be the result of a chemical or tubal pregnancy, and so they would like me to repeat the test in 48 hours to see if the numbers had risen.

I suppose I conveniently ignored the part where she told me not to get my hopes up, because as soon as I left work, I drove to Target and bought five pregnancy tests.

(I decided on five because I figured I could pee on one tonight, one tomorrow morning, one tomorrow night, another Friday morning, and save one for a rainy day.  …I toldja.  Batshit crazy.)

I got home, blew by the poor husband who was making me dinner out of the kindness of his heart (or maybe because he finally took my hint about women who get more help with chores around the house feeling like putting out more…), and ran directly to the bathroom.

I peed on the stick and turned around to flush only to discover that I was spotting.


And then the pee stick that I thought would be my saving grace flipped me the bird, and I knew that the beta result from this morning was just a fluke.

So much hope, so fast, only to be dashed even faster.

And to make things worse, I have to dress up in a pretty costume for my office Halloween party on Friday, but with Aunt Flo in town sometime tonight or tomorrow, I think I might be better off just skipping the pretty and heading straight for the zombie makeup.

I mean, at least I wouldn’t have to fake the dark undereye circles, moaning, and “menstrual cramp lurch”.

Oh, and on the plus side?  Drunk or treating!


11 comments on “Double Negative

  1. ~kboo
    October 26, 2011 at 9:30 pm #

    Don’t drink yet, my dear. My Beta was a 1, so I’m with you on thinking positively about the 7. You could just be spotting… (praying that is the case).


    • Tracy
      October 26, 2011 at 9:33 pm #

      Well, the spotting has turned to something more, and the cramps are starting to make themselves known, so any glimmer of hope I had is slipping away for good. :/


  2. Jackie
    October 26, 2011 at 9:53 pm #

    I was going to say something similar to kboo, but instead I’ll just offer hugs and condolences and bags of halloween candy (eat the good ones, and take your AF rage out by throwing the gross ones at random targets. See? Halloween is amazing.) Hope you can enjoy the party anyway.


  3. Tracy
    October 26, 2011 at 9:59 pm #

    I heard the boss is bringing in kegs, and our costumes involve wine glasses… which I may just fill up with real wine.

    And yes, Halloween should be about candy and violence! Perfect cure for what ails ya. 🙂


  4. Justine
    October 26, 2011 at 11:19 pm #

    That’s a lot of suck, my friend. Thank goodness for Halloween. *hugs* your way.


  5. A Morning Grouch
    October 26, 2011 at 11:29 pm #

    No matter how much we try not to hope….we hope. And then it is a crushing blow. I feel ya, girlfriend. Enjoy drunk or treating eh?


  6. endoandbeyond
    October 27, 2011 at 1:59 am #

    drunk for sure!!
    that is a lot of suck as Justine says….


  7. Poodle
    October 27, 2011 at 3:55 am #

    I’m a new stalker but am so glad to find a site that has someone just as crazy as me talking about their story. I’m so sorry to hear about you news whenever I get a negative I console myself with soft cheese, salami and wine


    • Tracy
      October 27, 2011 at 7:16 pm #

      Welcome! And there’s nothing wrong with crazy… Plus, blogging is like free therapy! 😀


  8. Trisha
    October 27, 2011 at 9:30 pm #

    Uggh I would be so messed up if they told me that. I know in a minute I’d be paging Dr. Google, which is never a good thing. Hang in there hopefully it will look up soon!


    • Tracy
      October 29, 2011 at 8:26 am #

      Oh I did my share of consulting Dr. Google that day… Not much of my afternoon workload was completed that day, I can assure you!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Beauty Clean and Simple

Searching for simple beauty with Natalie Schultz

Enchanted Crystal Moon

Magical Happenings

Destiny Tuning Secret

Manifestation Miracles Today

Curly Hair Gurl With A Blog

Ohhh,gurl,she Blogs

Late Bloomer Press

Growing out of that awkward stage is highly overrated.

Nuala Reilly: A Writer's Journey

I'm just a girl, standing in front of chocolate, asking it to love her.

Whole Milk and Half-Crazy

Excerpts from an exceptional(ly ridiculous) life.

Motherhood & Everything Else

pregnancy, motherhood, marriage, and life after miscarriage


hello, please advise

Summertime Sadness

A safe space where I discuss the racing thoughts in my head, personal struggles, and day-to-day activities while struggling with mental health and mood disorder issues. My personal goal is to reduce the stigma that comes with mental health and mood disorders, by talking more about it.

%d bloggers like this: