Month: October 2011

Double Negative

October 26th, 2011.  CD27, 12DPO.

So I had my beta today.

I’ve become used to the nurse at the clinic calling me at lunchtime on Beta Day to say “Sorry honey, you’re not pregnant.”

Today she said, “Well honey, you’re not not pregnant…”

And then batshitcrazyTracyonprogesterone is all like “Cheese and Rice, lady, what does that MEAN??!”

She proceeded to tell me that my beta result was a seven, which is still relatively low, but it wasn’t a zero.  She also said that it didn’t mean that I was, in fact, pregnant, but that it wasn’t impossible either.

She also told me not to get my hopes up, because a low result like this can often be the result of a chemical or tubal pregnancy, and so they would like me to repeat the test in 48 hours to see if the numbers had risen.

I suppose I conveniently ignored the part where she told me not to get my hopes up, because as soon as I left work, I drove to Target and bought five pregnancy tests.

(I decided on five because I figured I could pee on one tonight, one tomorrow morning, one tomorrow night, another Friday morning, and save one for a rainy day.  …I toldja.  Batshit crazy.)

I got home, blew by the poor husband who was making me dinner out of the kindness of his heart (or maybe because he finally took my hint about women who get more help with chores around the house feeling like putting out more…), and ran directly to the bathroom.

I peed on the stick and turned around to flush only to discover that I was spotting.


And then the pee stick that I thought would be my saving grace flipped me the bird, and I knew that the beta result from this morning was just a fluke.

So much hope, so fast, only to be dashed even faster.

And to make things worse, I have to dress up in a pretty costume for my office Halloween party on Friday, but with Aunt Flo in town sometime tonight or tomorrow, I think I might be better off just skipping the pretty and heading straight for the zombie makeup.

I mean, at least I wouldn’t have to fake the dark undereye circles, moaning, and “menstrual cramp lurch”.

Oh, and on the plus side?  Drunk or treating!



Quick Update!

October 11th, 2011.  CD12.


No time for fancy words or long explanations.  There are enchiladas in the oven, and they need to be in my belly, STAT.

Doing a Femara/Ovidrel cycle again this month.  Not many side effects from the Femara this time around, so that’s a plus.

Had my monitoring ultrasound today in the back room of the optometrist’s office.  Not as creepy as last time, somehow.  By the way, in order to make it to the appointment an hour away and still be able to get to work on time, I had to take the earliest they had available.  Let me just tell ya, the moon was full last night, the sunrise was pink this morning, and I am effing TIRED today.  Gah!

Okay, back to the point:  I had two decent follies today, a 13 on the left and an 18 on the right.  Not bad, right?  I was instructed to trigger tomorrow evening and have a whole bunch of unprotected sex for the rest of the week.  Good times.

I’m not totally sure, but I think the progesterone is continuing this month too.  Happy happy, joy joy.

All else is well.  Job?  Great.  Husband?  Splendid.  Pets?  Annoying as shit, but what can you do…

I’m also super-excited to announce that I will get to spend Saturday with the husband and some friends at the Michigan/Michigan State football game!  I can hardly wait to socialize, tailgate, dress in cute collegiate attire, and eat hot dogs.

And I guess there will be some sporting event interrupting my fun, but whatevs.

Anywho, it smells like Taco Bell in here, so it’s time for me to go!  Have a great week, friends!!


Soundtrack Saturday :: When September Ends

Okay.  I’m up.  The September cycle is officially over.

Let’s get this October baby-making-show on the road.


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Summertime Sadness

A safe space where I discuss the racing thoughts in my head, personal struggles, and day-to-day activities while struggling with mental health and mood disorder issues. My personal goal is to reduce the stigma that comes with mental health and mood disorders, by talking more about it.