June 2011 – Just Stop Trying and It Will Happen…

Month: June 2011

One Line.

June 30th, 2011. CD29, 16DPO.

So, it was another BFN this morning. Not that I’m surprised or anything, but my temp had made quite a jump, and so of course I had to have the following conversation with myself on the way to the bathroom to POAS:

Don’t get your hopes up, Tracy. Just because your temp rose this late in your cycle doesn’t necessarily mean you’re pregnant. It’s probably just a fluke. We can always blame it on the husband leaving the window open. Just don’t set yourself up for disappointment… again.

And wouldn’t you know it? My subconscious was right, as usual. That one bright blue line stared at me from the bathroom counter, mocking me, daring me to pee on something else for a similar result.

I did not take the dare. I’m realistic. I know when to throw in the towel, and for today, this is enough.

Oh, one more thing. I’ve had this song stuck in my head since I woke up, and I feel like it’s appropriate. Enjoy.

June 30, 2011 4 Comments Short URLBBT, BFN, BSBCDaily

Status

28 Days

June 29th, 2011. CD28, 15DPO.

Well, my so-called “normal cycle” has reached day 28, and according to Dr. Fran’s initial analysis, that means I’m 15 days past ovulation. I’m still not entirely sure I believe that, but there’s nothing I can do until Aunt Flo arrives to confirm that this cycle was unsuccessful.

If she arrives. …Trying to stay positive.

I felt like crap for a few days, and now I feel mostly normal again. No real signs of imminent blood loss, and I have managed to get control of that whole “eating my feelings” thing.

The only strange thing going on right now is a weird cervical mucus issue I’ve been noticing for three-ish days. Normally at this time in my cycle, I’d be having creamy to sticky CM, which is what I have the majority of the time… Except for random bouts of something that I can only accurately describe as having the consistency of rubber cement.

I mean, it’s sticky, yes. It’s also clear and stretchy. It falls somewhere between sticky and eggwhite, only I can’t imagine that any normal human sperm could swim though something of that thickness.

No other issues though. Definitely not an infection, bacterial, or yeast issue. I guess my vagina just has the sniffles.

Hmm… could I somehow make this into an early pregnancy symptom?

I guess I’m just grasping at straws at this point. My temp took a small dive this morning, so I am anticipating a visit from that old bat, Flo. Just in case, I have packed my purse full of period paraphernalia (say that five times fast!), including a pregnancy test which Dr. Fran told me I will need to take to be certain I’m not pregnant before she will call in a Femara prescription for me.

I hope today is the day something happens. I’d really like to get this show on the road!

June 29, 2011 3 Comments Short URLBBT, cervical mucusCDaily

Status

Nope.

June 26th, 2011. CD25, 12DPO.

Well, my temp went up for the second day in a row after a series of declining numbers, but there was only one line on the pee-stick this morning.

Guess I’ll just have to wait around for Aunt Flo some more.

In the meantime, bring on the breakfast meats!

June 26, 2011 6 Comments Short URLCDaily

Status

Hope…?

June 25th, 2011. CD24, 11DPO.

So, aside from feeling kinda PMS-y, giving in to the urge to eat every sweet and salty thing in sight, and this weird twinge-y feeling in my general pelvic area, I have reason to suspect that this cycle might give me reason to hope–more so than previous cycles have allowed…

Eleven days past ovulation is almost a record for me! And I’m not even on any meds! That’s got to mean something!

Maybe my reproductive system has been scared straight with all the “You better shape up, Uterus, before I take you to the RE!” threats I’ve been making. Maybe my bite-my-fingernails-till-I-bleed, stress-inducing boss-lady being in Europe for a month was just enough time to coax my frightened little eggies out of hiding. Maybe this is just the “right time” that everyone keeps talking about.

Maybe I “just stopped trying…” And, well, you know the rest.

Hah! That would happen to me. Can you imagine the irony?

Anyway, jokes aside, I could very well be expecting that raging bitch Flo any moment, but for now–for this moment–I’m choosing to remain positive. I could be expecting something very different.

It could happen.

I could wake up tomorrow without a crime scene in my pants. I could pee on a stick, wait three minutes, and have a good reason to wake my husband up early on a Sunday. I could be pregnant.

I know the odds are against me, what with my history of not ever being pregnant and all. But still… I’m letting myself hope.

For now.

As for tomorrow, we shall see what the morning brings. At best, a positive pee-stick. At worst, Aunt Flo and some Midol.

Either way, I see a giant breakfast with lots of salty breakfast meats and too much syrup in my near future.

We all deal with things differently, and I like to feed my feelings with bacon.

All of my feelings.

Mmm… celebratory bacon…

June 25, 2011 3 Comments Short URLFootloose, hope, Kevin Bacon, TTCCDaily

Status

Down, Down, Down…

June 24th, 2011. CD23, 10DPO.

…Is where my temperature is headed. Boo for temp drops!

I woke up this morning five minutes before my alarm, which is always depressing as hell. Took my temp, and realized that it had taken a complete nosedive. Put my feet on the floor and instantly felt like I’d been hit by a truck. Made it to the couch, where I now type this, with a cup of tea, trying to fight off the nausea.

I get the feeling Aunt Flo is on her way into town. Ugh.

June 24, 2011 7 Comments Short URLaunt flo, BBTCDaily

Status

I Need a Retail Therapist

June 23rd, 2011. CD22, 9DPO.

Hello friends, and happy Thursday! If you’ve found your way here from ICLW, then welcome! Please feel free to take a look around, and for a little background info on my story so far, check out the ICLW tab above.

So, this week has been an interesting one. Not really much new to report on the cycle front, but work has definitely been keeping me busy. It’s stressful to be busy and short-staffed, but it’s even more of a burden to be responsible for training a new bridal consultant in the midst of the chaos. Not that said new consultant is slow on the uptake or anything, but you get so used to doing your job without thinking that when you do have to provide a detailed play-by-play of your every action, including why you’re doing what you’re doing, it can get tiresome.

I’m pretty much exhausted and worthless every evening when I get home, and I’m back to working full-time (and then some) now that I’m the senior staff member in the house. I just keep telling myself, “Six more weeks, Tracy. You can do this.”

I sure hope I’m right.

As for the whole TTC thing, I’m really not sure how that’s going.

June 23, 2011 2 Comments Short URLICLW, TTCCDaily

Audio

Soundtrack Saturday :: Old Time Rock n’ Roll

Father’s Day is tomorrow, and for some reason, this song always makes me think of my dad. It’s fun and lighthearted, but it has a message, just like my old man.

Maybe it’s just the time frame during which this song was popular that makes me remember sitting on my dad’s lap watching the Tigers play (and in those days, they played well!). Maybe it has something to do with the fact that Bob Seger is a Michigan institution. Maybe it’s just one of those subconscious connections that I’ll never fully understand, but makes me happy nonetheless.

I only wish that I could celebrate my husband this Father’s Day; with some doing however, I have a good feeling that next year will be a much bigger cause for celebration for our little family.

Wherever you are, however you celebrate, and whatever your relationship with your own father or kids, I hope you have a splendid Father’s Day weekend.

June 18, 2011 6 Comments Short URLbob seger, father's day, old time rock n' roll, soundtrack saturdaySoundtrack Saturday

Status

Unexpected

June 17th, 2011. CD16, 3DPO…?

So yesterday at this time, I was settling in to the thought that I had about a week’s wait before ovulation.

Today, apparently, I am firmly in the Two Week Wait.

Crazy, right? I know!

I went to my chart on Fertility Friend and checked out when I had my temp rise, which lined up exactly with the time frame the ultrasound tech told me she thought I had ovulated–two to three days ago. So, I did what any obsessive TTC-er would do; I manually overrode the system and placed my ovulation date.

I feel like such a cheater! And a slouch! Not only did I not know I ovulated, even if I had been using OPK’s to test, I probably wouldn’t have started using them until after the day I actually ovulated anyway! And forget about Sexy Timing! We probably would have started yesterday, had I not received the unexpected news about my premature ovulation. Thankfully, there was one little “encounter” a few days ago that made it onto the chart before the egg-drop, or I would have to chalk this month up to a total waste before it even got off the ground.

What is my body trying to do to me??

June 17, 2011 6 Comments Short URLBBT, fertility, humor, infertility, ovulation, RE, reproductive endocrinologist, TTC, two week wait, TWW, ultrasoundCDaily

Status

RE-Day, Epilogue

This is totally going to be me: On my period and all smug and Zen and crap. Just wait.

Alright, first of all, thank you for following all of this madness today. I wish this blog had a Facebook-like status update button so I could have avoided bogging down the whole site with teeny two-sentence posts. Alas, I am not that savvy, and so, again, thank you for sticking around!

The rest of RE-Day went a little like this:

After a bit of a wait (and a delicious lunch), I was brought in for my date with the ultrasound wand, which is just as much fun as it sounds. The very nice ultrasound tech told me a few things I already knew (thanks to a good friend!): My uterus is retroverted, my egg supply looks good in both ovaries, and all of my girl-parts look like they’re healthy and in the appropriate places.

She also asked me what cycle day today is for me, and I told her–CD15. But, I said, I have long cycles and ovulate late, so I don’t expect ovulation for another few days, maybe even a week. Trust me. I chart these things. Religiously.

The very nice ultrasound tech informed me that it looked to her like I already had ovulated on my left side.

Wait.

What?!?

Pardon my French, lady, but No Freaking Way.

June 16, 2011 12 Comments Short URLdiet, fertility, infertility, ovulation, RE, TTC, yogaTTC

Aside

RE-Day, Part VII

Made it through the blood work without losing consciousness, so I’ll count that as a win. There’s a backup for ultrasounds today, however, and I was given the choice to either wait, or come back another day.

I chose to wait. Currently grabbing some lunch at the little bistro in the medical office building. Chicken caesar wrap? Yes, please!

June 16, 2011 0 Comments Short URLRETTC