Skinny Bitch

May 12th, 2011.  CD13.

Hello friends!

Who wants some updates on my uterus?

Well too bad, because I don’t really have anything new to report.  CD13, big whoop.  If I were a textbook case, I’d be ovulating tomorrow.  Since I’m more of a headcase, I probably won’t ovulate until late next week or possibly later.

Oh well, that just gives me lots of time to “collect samples”, if ya know what I mean.  *winkwinknudgenudge*

So since my reproductive system is gathering dust, I’d like to take this opportunity to talk about another part of my body that isn’t working correctly:  My fat cells.

I’m a skinny bitch.  I hear it all the time.

“I bet you can eat anything you want and still look like that!” 

“Girls with bodies like yours piss me off!” 

“I’d give anything to have your figure!”

…Yeah?  Well I’d give anything to be able to get knocked up.  Life’s not fair sometimes.  At least there’s something you can do about your love handles.

…Not to be insensitive or anything.  *eye-roll*

I’m 5’7″ and usually weigh around 115 pounds.  I like to call it heroin-chic.  It’s not the look I’d be going for if I could choose, but it’s what I’ve been dealt, so I’m trying to make it work.

I’d love to look like a Kardashian.  Sometimes I have to shop in the kids’ section at Kohl’s.  Be jealous of that.

Somewhere along the way in the past few stressful weeks in my life, I lost 5ish pounds… maybe a bit more.  It’s not all it’s cracked up to be, folks.  My tween clothes are hanging off of me, and my skin feels loose, if that makes sense.

Also, my boobs are saggy.  Not cool.  30 might be the new 20, but I don’t think saggy boobs factor into that equation.  I have a couple of fabulous bras that make my boobs look amazing, but I’m TTC, so I spend a lot of time naked.  I need to gain weight, if even just in the chestal region.

I put myself on a weight-gain plan and am hoping to pick up the lost poundage and be back at 115 pounds by the time my first appointment with the fertility doc rolls around in mid-June.

Today was day one, and let me tell ya, eating like it’s Thanksgiving every day is not fun and games.  I felt like yakking a few times, and drinking whole milk and nutritional supplement shakes is so not my bag. (However, adding cheese to meals whenever possible is kind of fun.  And delicious.)

So there’s that.  Roll your eyes at me if you want, but being underweight can be a problem for more reasons than just constantly bruised hip bones and limited shopping choices.  Fertility is one area that can suffer, and I figure if forcing a chalky nutritional shake down my throat a couple times a day will help my chances at conceiving, then hell–I’ll do it.

I mean, I’ve already spent two years taking prenatal vitamins and feeling like those are a huge slap in the face, amIright?  They’re really not prenatal vitamins to me at this point; you might as well call them predisappointment vitamins for all the help they’ve been so far.

I guess this weight-gain plan is really just one more step in the journey to turn my body into something resembling a fertile patch of earth that can sustain new growth.

…I definitely know what it feels like to have a load of manure dumped on me, that’s for sure.  But if that’s what it takes to grow a baby, then dump away.

I’m in it for the long haul, no matter how shitty it gets.

6 comments on “Skinny Bitch

  1. BreAnna
    May 12, 2011 at 11:50 pm #

    I love this post. I am right there with you sister. I’m 5’7″ with a body that is perfectly happy hanging out around 115-120 pounds. I lose weight when I’m stressed and let’s face it, infertility is stressful. Gaining weight is extremely difficult with the metabolism I’ve been “blessed” with.
    I’m currently in the middle of “project weight gain” which for me means seeing a dietician every few weeks, keeping daily food logs, and eating a shit ton. I use (ironic I know) because it has an iPhone app making it easy for me to actually do. When I attempt to keep paper records I never write down what I’ve eaten until the end of the day, realize I’m short by 500+ calories and have no time/energy/etc. to eat that much before I go to bed. My current daily caloric goal is 2400, but I’m sure that will be increased.
    Some food suggestions: Carnation Instant Breakfast mix added to whole milk, lots of calories and cheaper than Ensure or Boost plus (though these are good too). Greek yogurt (get full fat!) with granola (high in calories, fat too). Nuts, I carry cashews or almonds with me everywhere, small and calorically dense. Milkshakes. Liquid calories in general, orange juice! I’m often short on protein and lazy so I get sausage patties I can warm up in the microwave to add to breakfast. Oh! Eggs, eggs and cheese in a breakfast scramble. Pasta, preferably covered in creamy sauce, and/or cheese. My basic plan is to eat the most calorically dense foods I can and drink mostly milk and juice.
    I highly recommend gaining as much as you can before you see the RE. One of the first things my RE pinned my infertility on was my weight, though this was likely influenced by the fact that I was honest about having a history of anorexia nervosa. You don’t want to waste any time having to convince your RE that your weight isn’t the cause so get to gaining!


  2. Justine
    May 13, 2011 at 1:25 pm #

    I’m not a skinny bitch, but I think that women should be more supportive of each other, regardless of body type.

    Just curious … have you ever seen a blog called Chocolate Covered Katie? She’s younger, but struggled to gain weight … and she does so as a vegan.


    • trajayjay
      January 18, 2013 at 1:53 pm #

      I frequent her blog, and I’m disappointed that so many people assail her as being an anorexic immature ****. I see that she likes some high-cal foods, but people continue to put her down instead of trying to support her.


  3. myjourneythruinfertility
    May 14, 2011 at 7:30 pm #

    hilarious!!! those “predissapointment” pills really piss me off too!


  4. Erin
    May 17, 2011 at 5:18 pm #

    Predisappointment vitamins!! Love it. I’ve been taking them for years, too. You’re absolutely right — being underweight can be a barrier between you and having a baby. I won’t hate you for your ability to eat endless chocolate bars!



  1. Project Gain 5lbs | createdfamily - May 22, 2011

    […] know Tracy at Just Stop Trying and It Will Happen is working on adding a few pounds. Do we have any other weight gain buddies? What are your favorite […]


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