Here Comes the Sun

April 10th, 2011.  CD15.

“A long December and there’s reason to believe

maybe this year will be better than the last.”

~Counting Crows

This is my first meds-free cycle in a couple of months, and I have been feeling rather aimless.  Even though I only took the Clomid for two cycles, for the six or so months before that I had hope that I would get pregnant naturally after my HSG.  For the last eight months or so, I have felt like I was doing something proactive to increase my fertility.

This month is just kind of… meh.  Most times, I feel like there’s nothing I can reasonably accomplish until after the appointment with the RE in June.

So, I’ve been working on spending less time obsessing over my cycle, and spending a little more time appreciating what I have.  …Which has been tough, given that it’s been gray and rainy for like three weeks, leaving me in a super crappy mood.  Ugh.

Thankfully, today was different.

See, here in Michigan, we have crazy, unpredictable weather.  Like the kind of weather where you have to scrape the frost off your windows in the morning, and turn on the A/C for the evening drive home.  I don’t know why Michigan is called “The Wolverine State”, when “The Bipolar Weather State” fits so much better.

Moving on… So five days ago it was snowing.  It was rainy and cold and blustery all week, and then today it was sunny and in the mid-eighties.  While we all know better than to believe that weather like this can last very long in a Michigan April, that hasn’t stopped the husband and I from thoroughly enjoying every bit of our day together.

Recipe for a perfect day:

  • Sleep in.
  • Have cereal for breakfast because you’re too much of a lazyass to cook.
  • Watch hockey.
  • Read a little of Tina Fey’s book, Bossypants. (Which is hilarious, FYI.)
  • Team up to make sure the house is clean enough to get through the week.
  • Watch terrible programming like Cops and Bait Car.
  • Open all of the windows and doors, and let the sunshine pour into the house.
  • Put on flip-flops for the first time this year.
  • Go on a shopping trip to the butcher, the fresh market, and the local beer emporium.
  • Pick up a pretty potted flower for the balcony.
  • Get the car washed.
  • Come home and grill a gigantic steak, roasted redskin potatoes, and make a big salad.
  • Enjoy your meal with an ice-cold Red Stripe because you don’t care about dehydration as much this cycle since the Clomid isn’t drying your whole body out.
  • Take the dog for a walk.
  • Hold hands
  • End up at the frozen custard joint down the street.
  • Feel really close and lovey (and a wee bit tipsy from the beer).
  • Go to bed and listen to the thunderstorms roll in.
  • Make a baby.

That last part hasn’t officially happened as of this writing, but it would be the icing on top of a day that’s already been pretty close to perfect.  The sunshine and fresh air have improved my mood drastically, and I am coming around to the idea of having hope that I might still conceive even though this cycle is in no way assisted.

No one likes to feel like they’re just going through the motions, especially in bed, and the pressure of timing things correctly can really take a lot of the fun out of it.  Add to that the sad, dreary weather, and you can easily have a sad, dreary couple of wannabe parents who “just don’t feel like it” half the time.

Ovulation should be right around the corner, and I think the husband and I really needed this day to sort of recharge our batteries, if you will; to prepare ourselves for the marathon of Sexy Time headed our way in the next few days.

A little sunshine in life can really make all the difference.

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Summertime Sadness

A safe space where I discuss the racing thoughts in my head, personal struggles, and day-to-day activities while struggling with mental health and mood disorder issues. My personal goal is to reduce the stigma that comes with mental health and mood disorders, by talking more about it.

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