The Wa-eee-aaaiting Is the Hardest Part…

February 28th, 2012.  CD20, 6DPIUI.

Well… I’m hanging in there.

But I’m having trouble concentrating on anything but my reproductive system.  This is a problem… Especially at work.

The general consensus around my office is that I am, in fact pregnant (even though no one could know that yet), and that I will be having twin girls.

It’s preposterous, I know.  But I kind of love it.  I just want it so badly.  Not even the twin thing, while that would be splendid, but the pregnant thing.

I want it.

I want this IUI to be the magical fix-it my busted uterus needs.  I pray daily (and nightly)(and a lot in the shower) that this will work.

I really want to start buying pregnancy tests… but so far, I have restrained myself.  I don’t even venture down the feminine product aisle at the grocery store unless I have to, and I avoid trips to the pharmacy if at all possible.

Tomorrow is my progesterone draw, along with an ultrasound, I assume to verify that I am not developing cysts from the medication.  I have this fear that they will tell me that no ovulation took place, and that this cycle is a bust.

You see?  I am fantasizing about great outcomes AND bad ones.  I am clinging to every little thing my body is doing, trying to make each tiny thing into an early pregnancy symptom.

Heartburn?  Pregnant!  (No, I’m sure it’s not because I ate an entire pineapple in five days…)

Sore boobs?  Pregnant!!  (Well, I guess it could be normal, but what fun is that?)

Tired?  PREGNANT!!!  (This is absolutely not because I stay up far too late at night searching the interwebs for pregnancy symptoms like mine…)

And so, you see – I am crazy.

I’m sure the progesterone supplement doesn’t help with the crazy, but I’m hoping that I will find tomorrow that it’s helping with my body’s ability to support the pregnancy I hope is in the process of formulating right now.

We shall see…

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8 Comments on “The Wa-eee-aaaiting Is the Hardest Part…”

  1. Sarah L. Papple
    February 28, 2012 at 2:44 pm #

    you are not crazy just very hopeful!!!! that is exactly what you should be doing! :) xoxoxo

  2. Lindsay
    February 28, 2012 at 3:10 pm #

    I have to tell you, reading your blog helps me feel like I’m not alone in the battle for a baby! My husband and I have been trying for 18 months with unexplained infertility. I actually live in the metro Detroit area too. I think I found your blog through a Google search. I heard about the same study that you’re enrolled in and I’m hoping to get into it as well. I’m not eligible yet because I am coming off 3 rounds of drugs/HCG/IUI so I have to wait two months to clear out my system before I can sign up. I’m REALLY hoping that I don’t need the trial at all and that I get pregnant during this two month break! Fingers crossed. And my fingers are crossed for you and your husband as well. I wish you luck, I know the waiting is excruciating. I have three days until I am due for my period and I’m trying to get myself convinced that these premenstrual symptoms I’m currently having are actually super early pregnancy symptoms. :) I hope you get good news soon!

    Best wishes,

    • Tracy
      February 28, 2012 at 3:17 pm #

      Welcome! And my fingers and toes and legs (well, not my legs… LOL) are crossed for you too!! I hope you don’t need the trial at all, but if you do, it’s a godsend, especially in the financial aspect.

      Thank you for your kind words! People like you are the only thing helping to keep me sane during all of the horrendous waiting. Thank you for stopping by, and please keep in touch!! :)

  3. TeeJay
    February 28, 2012 at 3:14 pm #

    You are not crazy, just normal! It’s what we do…I think it actually helps us keep our sanity. Hang in there and good luck tomorrow at your appointment.

  4. Justine
    February 28, 2012 at 9:38 pm #

    Hang in there! The waiting does suck … fingers and toes and legs crossed for you!

  5. Su
    February 29, 2012 at 2:20 am #

    I’m SO praying this is it too! Everything crossed for you!! XXXOOO

    April 9, 2012 at 1:03 pm #

    well i am a 21 (22 this week) year old lesbian. I just had my blood drawn for my progesterone levels and i am FREAKING out.. I have been googling ALL DAY. This is my 2nd IUI & I just want this to work. I am caught inbetween my amazingly POSITIVE thoughts and my horrid NEGATIVE thoughts.

    Someone HELPPP!… I just want to know. This is the hardest process I have ever been through in my life. Its all I think about (from when I wake up until I fall asleep)

    At least I know I’m not the only one who feels INSANE.

    Hope you all have gotten your BFP!!!<3

    • Tracy
      April 9, 2012 at 1:39 pm #

      I wish I could tell you something amazing and inspirational to help you be at peace during your TWW, but there’s nothing worst than waiting!

      The only thing I know that really helps (besides eating your feelings) is to just know and accept that you really have no control over what your body is going to do. All you can do is try to have some faith in the process, and in a higher power if you are so inclined.

      Faith is just about the only thing that keeps me sane through some of these trials, and I hope that you are able to find some peace in your own way too! Good luck, and fingers crossed for positive results for us both this cycle!! :D

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